Sunday, 7 September 2008

Tum ti-tum ti-tum ti-tum tum ti-tum ti ta tum

I've developed a very odd habit of humming at work. It's very unsettling. There I was on Friday night walking down to a table with three plates of sumptuous and splendiferously created food whilst humming the theme tune to The Archers,

"Tum ti-tum ti-tum ti-tum tum ti-tum ti ta tum"

and so on.

a trumpet
you can see it too right...
...right?

I was also walking in tune to the music, which means, essentially, that I was bobbing and bouncing my way to table ten with their fish. That's not so cool. Whilst I have never heard or been made aware of the management position on bouncing or indeed bobbing at work I am pretty confident they would take a dim view on such activities especially when combined.

And it's not just the Archers either, there's also the theme tune to Australian soap "Home and Away." Strewth mate I don't even watch Home and Away! Occasionally I catch myself on and try and focus on something a bit more contemporary and less soap like but inevitably I always end up back with The Archers. And not smoothly either. I'd be half way through humming Communication Breakdown and just launch straight back into The Archers again. It's some of the worst mash up's ever, part Led Zeppelin part Archers theme tune but all wrong.

I don't know where or why this has happened but it needs to stop. It's only one level removed from talking to myself or doing my own commentary if you know what I mean. Fuck me, quite often it's not even an actual recognizable tune, it's just me making tuba and trumpet sounds in some sort of free form Jazz stylie. I worry that if I don't reign in this affliction soon I will be playing air trumpet round the restaurant to the delight of the guests and the horror of the management.

I have a vision of being escorted out of the building by well meaning doctors and into a nicely padded van. Some of my co-workers will cry as I try to "play" Thunder & Blazes on my imaginary trumpet. One of them will clutch my bag and coat and hand it to the doctor as I'm led away. All very tragic and highly probable if I don't nip it in the bud quick sharpish.

What next? An imaginary waiter friend? Let me tell you that would garner a few curious looks of puzzlement and worry.

"Manuel have you cleared table 8 yet?"

"Table 8? Yeah James is doing it?"

"James?"

"Yeah James, the new guy."

"Manuel.....there is no James."

"Manuel, why don't you come over here and have a nice cup of tea eh? MMMMMM a nice cup of tea and a wee sit down."

"Okie dokie.....
ta ta tatatata ta ta taaa ta
ta ta tatatata ta ta taaa ta
tum ta taaa ta
tum ta taaa ta
ta ta tatatata ta ta taaa ta."

I worry so for my sanity. I think I'll take up the drink again........or maybe a full night's sleep would suffice.

24 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

MJ said...

Can you do the drum intro from EastEnders?

mica said...

hahaha aww! My problem is the kitchen radio I tend to go into the dining room still singing whatever song was on. I think most of the time I look like I'm talking to myself

Silverstar said...

Perhaps when you are released, you can find work as a one-man band.

mica said...

hahaha aww! My problem is the kitchen radio I tend to go into the dining room still singing whatever song was on. I think most of the time I look like I'm talking to myself

Old Knudsen said...

When I see an Australian playing a yank and they started off in Neighbours and home and away the tune turns up in my head, you however are just fucking nuts and so is James, maybe hes real and you are invisible waiter anyway you are all a part of my imagination.

harried_dad said...

I like to "sing" the first four bars from I dream of Jeanie


Doooo-do do-do-do-doodododododoo

Then him a wrong note. It drives everyone who sits near my cubicle up the wall.

That and singing the wrong lyrics to stuff.

Maxi Cane said...

Yeah, I know the feeling. I've taken up having full blown conversations in the car with myself. I never thought much of it until I lost an argument with myself!

Manuel said...

mj: do do do do dododoo.....so no.....

mica: as long as we are happy who cares eh!

silverstar: bwahahahaha thanks!

old k: who said that?

dad: my favourite bein, " dance dance wherever you maybe i am the lord of the dark settee.."

maxi: hehehehehe

daisyfae said...

just don't start whistling, for chrissakes... we have some whistlers at the office. i long for a handgun when they start doing Beethoven. Wrong, wrong, wrong...

Sniffle&Cry said...

This is what happens when you give up drink. Loss of spiritual equilibrium, the mind clears and you see the bare naked truth in the Neighbours theme. Mine is a muddy mind, cloudy and such, and especially this morning.
Very funny Manuel thanks for the giggles.

Manuel said...

daisyfae: I'm slightly bonkers.......but I'm not mental....

sniffle&cry: You mean, let me understand this cause, ya know maybe it's me, I'm a little fucked up maybe, but I'm funny how, I mean funny like I'm a clown, I amuse you? I make you laugh, I'm here to fuckin' amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how? How am I funny?


hehehehehe

Medbh said...

I can picture the scene playing out just like the ending to "A Streetcar Named Desire." Remember to say that you've always relied on the kindness of strangers when the car comes, Manuel.

Your guests expect enough from you. No need to give them a song and dance.

Steve said...

I start humming when it gets really busy the theme from the Tonight Show when Johnny Carson was there."And here's Johnny...Da Da Da Da da and so on.Or sometime when it gets really busy I start singing and making the bartender laugh and waiters around me with a song for the moment like Volare by Al Martino or Dean Martin or whomever sang it.It breaks the tension.....

belfastyouthworker said...

LOL! Lord of the dark settee!!!

I'm off to London to sample some superior cuisine and hospitality. And oh yeah, to see Madonna :D

Lottie said...

Home and Away really? Hmm.

I find myself humming the Gremlins theme quiet a lot. It's one of those tunes that's always in my head.

Blondefabulous said...

Is it vacation time again already???

Simon said...

Its only truely insane people that don't question their own sanity every day. I think a waiter who hums / sings / beatboxes to themselves would add a bonus to my evening meal - like a cabaret but with more swearing and fag ash stains

Anonymous Boxer said...

when you start talking to yourself you'll need to worry about your sanity. You're OK with the humming. Was Old K drunk when he commented?

Anonymous Boxer said...

when you start talking to yourself you'll need to worry about your sanity. You're OK with the humming. Was Old K drunk when he commented?

Manuel said...

steve: so it;s not just me then! phew....

byw: have fun!

lottie: seek help.....quick

blondie: yes, yes it really is...

simon: beatboxing.....now that would be very fucking amusing....

boxer: is he ever sober?

carine said...

I hum ALL the time. Constantly. It drives my friends crazy. I worked in an advertising agency for a while and every now and again my boss would scream 'HUMMING!!!!' across the room at me.

My favorite thing is to hum the same short tune over and over and over and over again.

hmmmmm mmmmmm mmmmm hmm hmmm mmm hmmm

x

jojofofo said...

When toiling as a pastry chef, during service, I'd (oddly enough) start unconsciously humming or whistling "Don't Worry, Be Happy". KILL ME NOW was the response when it was brought to my attention.
These days, toiling in a bank office, the song of the summer is "I kissed a girl last night", which I absolutely hate, but I can't get it out of my head!

Crispy said...

Try singing the theme tune to Prisoner Cell Block H....what a cracker!! D'you remember it? "You used to bring me roses, I wish you could again, but that was on the outside and things were different then....on the (Oooops I appear to have got carried away)

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