Tuesday, 30 September 2008

Sucking lemons...

bitter?
you're damn right....

To the bitter, twisted, rancorous, fat headed, mealymouthed, curmudgeon, shit faced son of a dog of a human being who got all bitter about life and went yapping to the tax people about something that had nothing to do with me or any of my waiter chums but then caused an audit which means my tips are being tampered with even more than normal I say, fuck you. Fuck you with big swinging bells and flashing neon signs.

But also....

May your soup be pished in
and all your coffees be sneezers.
May your tuna be tinkered with
and all your wine watered down.
May your lamb be laughable
and all your duck disastrous.
May your salmon give you the shits
and cause your ass to collapse.
May all your waiters have communicable diseases
and sneeze a lot.
May the pizza people puke on your pie
and the chicken people curse you.
May all your reservation be "lost"
and takeaway be your only sustenance.
May you forever dine alone safe in the knowledge that I wish you only bad tidings. 

Feel free to add your own....

20 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

Maxi Cane said...

That happened me just a year or two ago.

Trust me, it's always the person you suspect.

Manuel said...

maxi: oh I know who it was....it's a long story and has nothing to do with us wonderful wait staff, collateral damage I believe it's called.....

Maxi Cane said...

Yeah I probably have the same story. They'll get what they deserve though, just like in Scooby Doo!

Manuel said...

maxi: one certainly hopes so....some shock about twenty major eh?

Maxi Cane said...

It certainly is. I always read, but never commented. It was a community upon itself.

He'll be missed.

All good things....

Manuel said...

maxi: Aye....[strokes imaginary beard in a wise way]

Maxi Cane said...

By that logic, there'll be no getting rid of the likes of me!

Manuel said...

maxi: only the euromilliions could do that you smelly fecker.....now away with you and have a bath....

Waiter Extraordinaire said...

It is extraordinary how mean people can be.We as waiters are basically self-employed without the tax deductions.Our tips we earn and deserve and need to sustain a life. If people are jealous then they should wait on tables and try it for a day.
I'd be pissed too!

paddy said...

fuck me I thought 20 had died there for a minute... I'll miss his awesome crankiness.

Audits are right up there with galloping knob rot and anal fissures on the list of things I never want to experience

Melissa said...

I work for a bomb disposal company, do you want some help?
(I shouldn't say that, people might take it seriously! ha)

Manuel said...

steve: and you would think the tax people would have better things to be doing right now than harass the fuck out of me.....

paddy: nice.......well put......

melissa: bwahahahahaha......

RedLeeroy said...

bent over, and audited right in the a-hole. Unfortunate Manuel. However I hope you have been squirreling away all the contents of the lost property for the last few years. Help you through the hard times.

Manuel said...

redleeroy: I have a mighty collection of umbrellas! Scarves too, but not so mighty....

Conan Drumm said...

May the rat be probed with large unripened gourds so that the phrase 'butternut squat' will enter the language and be applied to all the colonically blocked who dare to suck up to tax inspectors.


Even the cash?

sheepworrier said...

how are the tips being tampered with? yous don't use the communist / chefs get a slice system, do yous?

MJ said...

Looks like Maxi's off his meds again.

belfastyouthworker said...

do you want me to get the boys on them?

Manuel said...

conan: cash is safe at the moment.......what they don't know and all that....

sheepo: we do and I am proud of that.....no Alistair the Darling and Gordon the Brown want dibs on my credit card mullah.......

mj: he's never been on them.....

byw: yes, yes please.......

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