You're my BFF......

When I wasn't dealing with the Oscar award winning performance of a 65 year old man on Saturday night I was pandering to the needs of a table of young 20 somethings. I say 'pandering' but then again it's what a waiter is meant to do. You know the sort, pockets full of disposable income and free from the responsibilities of life. Frigging wasted on them if you ask me. God what I wouldn't do with money and energy. Actually forget the money, just some extra energy would be nice. Oh what it must be like to get through the day free from the need for an afternoon nap.

Manuel is down with the kids.....
apparently

They were all very sweet and all very attractive, even the 3 boys in their Abercrombie and Fitch sweaters and light blue shirts looked pretty. All very pretty but all very dumb. (The sort of dumb that laughs at Adam Sandler movies) This was obvious from the off when one guy pointed to a bottle of chardonnay on the wine list and asked if we had it in red*. I had to bite my lip to save from laughing. But I didn't and instead helped him. That's my charitable deed for the month. Bless his little cotton socks, but not his loafers, awful shoes. This isn't the deck of daddy's boat you know.

Their conversation was light and breezy and full of "Way - no way's" and deep and meaningful discourse about shoes and the new Urban(e) Outfitters in town. The young women weren't much better, they were giving someone called Beth a right going over about going out with someone called Josh or Steve or Craig or all three. Whatever, as they probably said. But they truly were the only highlight in a very dull weekend.

I had been a bit po-faced with them when they arrived as they were half an hour late. I must have reminded them of their old history teacher as they sat there with their hands on their knees looking at their, pretty, shoes. It was like shouting at a puppy and I felt bad so I jollied them up with a few one liners. We got talking about music and movies and wine and I made a few recommendations of bands that they might dig (do the kids still "dig" things?). Just some Jurassic 5, Handsome Boy Modeling School, The Smiths and other stuff they had never heard of. It scares me that some people have never heard of The Smiths. The Smiths should be taught in schools. Morrissey is as sage and as wise as Plato. Even if he doesn't enjoy the meaty goodness of a rare ribeye steak. We all have our foibles.

And by the time they left I was like their BFF or as one of them put it "you're like an old guy who is like cool and stuff....like"

Old guy?

I'm thirty fucking five!

I was mortified as I hobbled away. I thought they were taking me seriously but the boss insisted they were taking the piss. Oh the cynicism of management.

But it got me thinking about my friends. And I've come to the realisation that I'm more popular online than I am in the real word. Not only more popular but cooler too. Seriously, I get invited to more parties, events, gigs, and social events online than I do by my actual friends. And if I say I don't want to go they don't take the huff, they don't cut me out of the loop. Why only today I was asked if I wanted to go to three gigs. None of my flesh and bone friends invited me.

Bastards.

Okay I know that Facebook sends the invites and none of it is for real but still it's nice to be cool somewhere, even if it is online. Oh that is so sad I may cry........

* I know there is a red chardonnay now available but I'll eat my own head if he knew that....