Thursday, 31 July 2008

You're my BFF......

When I wasn't dealing with the Oscar award winning performance of a 65 year old man on Saturday night I was pandering to the needs of a table of young 20 somethings. I say 'pandering' but then again it's what a waiter is meant to do. You know the sort, pockets full of disposable income and free from the responsibilities of life. Frigging wasted on them if you ask me. God what I wouldn't do with money and energy. Actually forget the money, just some extra energy would be nice. Oh what it must be like to get through the day free from the need for an afternoon nap.

Manuel is down with the kids.....
apparently

They were all very sweet and all very attractive, even the 3 boys in their Abercrombie and Fitch sweaters and light blue shirts looked pretty. All very pretty but all very dumb. (The sort of dumb that laughs at Adam Sandler movies) This was obvious from the off when one guy pointed to a bottle of chardonnay on the wine list and asked if we had it in red*. I had to bite my lip to save from laughing. But I didn't and instead helped him. That's my charitable deed for the month. Bless his little cotton socks, but not his loafers, awful shoes. This isn't the deck of daddy's boat you know.

Their conversation was light and breezy and full of "Way - no way's" and deep and meaningful discourse about shoes and the new Urban(e) Outfitters in town. The young women weren't much better, they were giving someone called Beth a right going over about going out with someone called Josh or Steve or Craig or all three. Whatever, as they probably said. But they truly were the only highlight in a very dull weekend.

I had been a bit po-faced with them when they arrived as they were half an hour late. I must have reminded them of their old history teacher as they sat there with their hands on their knees looking at their, pretty, shoes. It was like shouting at a puppy and I felt bad so I jollied them up with a few one liners. We got talking about music and movies and wine and I made a few recommendations of bands that they might dig (do the kids still "dig" things?). Just some Jurassic 5, Handsome Boy Modeling School, The Smiths and other stuff they had never heard of. It scares me that some people have never heard of The Smiths. The Smiths should be taught in schools. Morrissey is as sage and as wise as Plato. Even if he doesn't enjoy the meaty goodness of a rare ribeye steak. We all have our foibles.

And by the time they left I was like their BFF or as one of them put it "you're like an old guy who is like cool and stuff....like"

Old guy?

I'm thirty fucking five!

I was mortified as I hobbled away. I thought they were taking me seriously but the boss insisted they were taking the piss. Oh the cynicism of management.

But it got me thinking about my friends. And I've come to the realisation that I'm more popular online than I am in the real word. Not only more popular but cooler too. Seriously, I get invited to more parties, events, gigs, and social events online than I do by my actual friends. And if I say I don't want to go they don't take the huff, they don't cut me out of the loop. Why only today I was asked if I wanted to go to three gigs. None of my flesh and bone friends invited me.

Bastards.

Okay I know that Facebook sends the invites and none of it is for real but still it's nice to be cool somewhere, even if it is online. Oh that is so sad I may cry........

* I know there is a red chardonnay now available but I'll eat my own head if he knew that....

46 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

Ed said...

you have to be uncool to be truely cool. That, or dead and have written an unpublished novel or album. Thems the rules.

Manuel said...

ed: I want my cool NOW! I needs it.....and I'd rather skip the dead bit too...

Maxi Cane said...

I'll admit I didn't know there was a red Chardonnay, but I cringe whenever I'm asked for a pee-not grij-eeo, or a chab-liss.

When they ask if we have a red one I avoid the table for the rest of forever.

bendersbetterbrother said...

See? No point in trying to look down and with-it for the kids. Remember when you were that age, a 35 yr old was an oul' granda as far as you were concerned.
Pipe, slippers and Horlicks for you.

toast said...

i'm guessing you are a redissue or a uws man but if you ever read rednews i have a funny story regarding wine, of the red variety and demanding a cool bucket... actually that is the full story, but if you need names, i have 'em

Medbh said...

Did you read the article on hipsters in the recent Ad Busters, Manuel? On the one hand, I thought it was a lot of cross generational hand-wringing, but the author also had a point about how consumer based and apathetic many twenty-somethings are presently. It's like they live without context.
Who the fuck can get through adolescence without listening to The Smiths?

Manuel said...

maxi: I had a mer- LOT the other day......hadn't had one of those in a while....and a File-oh instead of a filo....hehehehe

bbb: NO! No horlicks.....although I do appreciate a good pair of "house shoes"

toast: alway preferred UWS but make with the names......

medbh: but they are so, well, lost, without definition....wouldn't mind but there's a couple of wars on which you would have thought that would focus the mind...heaven knows I'm miserable now....

Manuel said...

oh there are extra points for getting smiths lyrics into your comment. points? oh yes there's been points for ages now......

toast said...

tell you what - you make it over for a game this season (and bed and board and collection and return to the airport is provided) then i'll tell you the story...

Manuel said...

toast: deal......I've renewed my membership again....

toast said...

that last post make me sound a little creepy.. can i just say for the record that i am not bringing manuel over for purposes of bumming?

savannah said...

yikes, sugar, if you FEEL old where the hell does that put me?????? *sigh*

Manuel said...

toast: fuck that then.....or not as the case may be....

Manuel said...

Savannah: I feel fine, it's others who think I'm old.....

MJ said...

I remember thinking my 27-year-old teacher was past it.

I'm not helping, am I?

Old Knudsen said...

I only know you online and I think yer a dorky cunt. Hey waiter theres a black fly in my Chardonnay is that ironic or are you just a slack waiter?

Put those kids in the army and make them fight the Fenians then after that I might care what they thought of me.

OK outta here boyzzzzzzzzzz

harried_dad said...

As long as you can still fit into the jeans that you wore when you were 25, you will never be old.

Maybe you should have told the young'uns to grody to the max or something.

Silverstar said...

Wait until you all get to be my age...in spitting distance of 60. Now that's old. On the other hand, I hear eighty is the new sixty.

Kitty Cat said...

Really? This Charming Man isn't cool in real life? Maybe You Just Haven't Earned It Yet, Baby but don't Panic, just Ask someone What Difference Does It Make? Anyway, These Things Take Time.

One million points, please.

conortje said...

A good friend of mine often likes to remind me that I am far more interesting on-line than in real life. I'm 31 but I am clearly not that old as I got excited to hear that you have an Urban Outfitters :-)

sheepworrier said...

The Smith's completely escaped me. Tho I do remember my brother locking himself in the bedroom for hours with morrisey wailing away. Either that or he was chucking custard...

Heading to belsonic then Manuel? Lemme guess, Flaming Lips? Would be tempted to head to the Zutons just to see The Delorentos supporting them.

fatmammycat said...

Bastards! 35 is nothing, spring chicken land!

Manuel said...

mj: no no you're not.......go away and leave me to my memories....

old knudsen: word to your mother.......homes...

dad: what? jeans? there's no chance......

silverstar: and 35 is the sixty 4 according to the hideous youth.....

kitty cat: huzzah! well done, all the points for you! I no longer feels that there's death at ones elbow....

Manuel said...

conortje: yeah but you have to be cool in the flesh to go in there.......you'll be fine then....

sheepo: is that a euphemism...? please god tell me it's not......

fmc: damn sure it is! I only have to get up twice in the night to pee......!

Conan Drumm said...

Oh you and your strange ways! We loves ya!

Did the kids/consumers wander in from the coast by mistake? They sound like junior members of the yachting fraternity practicing for later life.

Manuel said...

conan: oh they looked like it too....shivered me timbers and no mistake.....

daisyfae said...

nothing wrong with imaginary friends on the interweb... people pretend to like me out here, and don't show up at my house looking for food or money. much better than my real friends! WAAAAAAAAAY better than my family!

Manuel said...

daisyfae: I'm going for an imaginary walk now......I may have an imaginary beer too......imagination rocks....

sheepworrier said...

Manuel: Tis indeed, borrowed from one FMC, the filty-minded scoundrel. Really gives a good mental picture, doesn't it.

Conan Drumm said...

Hey, where's my Smiths points?

jen said...

I definitely have more regular contact with my online friends than my real life ones. Something my husband constantly takes the piss out of me for... But hey, you lot can't see the big pile of washing up at home, so it has its advantages.

And you've never know humiliation until your 7-year-old niece, with hand on hip, rolls her eyes and says 'Like, duh! You're sooooooooo old'. Faux teenage exasperation is so endearing.

Manuel said...

sheepo: oh it;s wild! one of the best yet.....I may never eat custard again.....

conan: so subtle I didn't see them.....take five and move to the top.....

jen" more importantly did you have a great night last night? eh? Is it wrong that I hope he lost his voice?

bethanythemartian said...

When you're young and rich, you kinda feel like you'll be young forever. And since they probably will have access to botox and the best surgeons.

Even so, you're only as old as you feel or act. As Adam Sandler has proved, chronological years mean almost nothing about age.

Manuel said...

bethanythemartian: I hate the young with their peppy attitudes and boundless energy......

Fred said...

35?! Holy cow. You're like a mummy!

Sincerely,
30-year old

Manuel said...

fred: I like your mummy.......ha!

T Dog said...

"THE SMITHS" how can the not know the smiths. i'm 26 and i know the smiths!!...ask me, ask me, ask me.

Manuel said...

t dog: well done for that.....20 points for that

jen said...

How could you tell if Tom Waits has lost his voice? :-)

Bloody brilliant - and it's my hubbie that's the true fan, so he's bouncing around the place today like a big kid. But it was a real treat. The guy was on fire and the band were fantastic. Two of his sons were playing, which made it a nice family affair.

Manuel said...

jen; why did I ask? Do I feel better now? No not really. I'm bitter. But I'm glad you and your hubby had a great night......pass the kleenex.....

Anonymous Boxer said...

Booo, I missed this post. You're not the only one who's wondering why their online community is more "current" then the people in my everday life.

I am partnered with 20-somethings in boxing and if it makes you feel better... I'm treated the same way.

Native Minnow said...

I met a girl last night who kept going on and on about how old this 32 year old guy was. She was 22. After the tenth time mentioning it, my friend asked her how old she thought I was. I'm 33. She guessed 25. I've still got it.

B said...

You're not allowing comments on the top post! I had a whole reply plotted out, IT WAS ABOUT TIP FOR F*CK SAKE!

I feel older than my age, does this mean that when I'm fifty I'll feel like I'm 70? or that I'll stay at a steady mental age of something like 40 for all my life?

Lord Milky said...

Manuel I'm a young whipper snapper myself and if these folk don't know who Chali 2na, Akil, Mark 7even, Zaakir, Nu-Mark and Cut Chemist are, then they need their heads examining if you ask me.

jothemama said...

It's ok. There are good ones out there who know about the music too - I've taught them. And it's great,you get to be queen of 'I saw the Pixies back in blah blah when you were all in nappies...'

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