Monday, 2 June 2008

Juxtaposition

It was a good weekend, the money was great, the guests were cooperative (which is the best you can hope for), the new waiter seems to have some potential, and I managed to secure my first Sunday off in 10 weeks.

In many respects it was perfect.

There were also two instances of unsolicited touching, one sugarloaf assault and a kiss.
Neither were appreciated.

Well as perfect as it gets when you have to work on two of the hottest days of the year so far.

We had a table of 24 booked for half seven on Saturday night which turned out to be a hen party. Clearly I didn't know it was going to be a hen party or maybe the sections would have been organised a little differently. Maybe somebody else could have worked that section. Maybe people shouldn't hold back such details from me. Maybe I need to pay more attention when people are telling me things. But I was very happy with my twelve retired teachers, no problems here at all.

They were a sight to behold, the hen party that is, the teachers were nice too but you know what I mean. The women were all dressed in matching outfits, Britney Spears-esque, pre breakdown I should add. Every head in the restaurant turned as they marched in. Some turned back quicker than others.

In our private room we had a rather nice family birthday party. All ages were represented from grandkids to the elderly grandfather himself. It was his 75th and clearly the family wanted to celebrate this significant milestone with a special dinner. They all arrived bearing gifts and the emotion of the occasion was clear to see.

Now, in one corner you have 24 very happy women dressed like Britney having a ball of a time, suggestive comments, double entendres, wine selected by strength rather than flavour or compatibility to the food. In another corner, it was the private room but play along, you have the perfect Hallmark moment, the full family circle lost in emotions and love and stories of crazy grandad and his crazy ways.

What happens when you put a hen party in the vicinity of grandad's birthday party? Comedy moments, that's what.

One of the ladies needed the bathroom. Now rather than ask where they were located, a question I answer a hundred times a day, she decided to go on an adventure. And within moments found herself in the private dining room. There she stood, the best part of six foot tall, bright blonde hair, knee high socks, short skirt, white blouse and chewing on bubblegum. Now I wasn't there but by all accounts grandad thought his family had gotten him the best present ever as evidenced by the Father Jack style shout of,"YES" when she entered the room.

The poor woman was mortified and when we found her she running through the restaurant giggling, "I'm not a stripper!" And she wasn't either, "I'm a bloody accountant!' she said through her howls of laughter.

Priceless.

To balance this story I'm gonna do a bit on the chauvinism of restaurant service. Why does the man traditionally have to taste the wine? It's all nonsense let me tell you.

20 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

bendersbetterbrother said...

I read it too fast the first time. I couldn't work out why the 12 retired teachers were dressed up as Britney Spears.
Then again, I can't even work out why Britney Spears dresses like Britney Spears.

Manuel said...

bbb: now that would have been something.....

Medbh said...

AHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Girls! Drink!
Poor grandpa.
He would've had a stroke if that were true.

It's also a testament to how our culture even makes accountants feel pressured to dress like little girls. Women are told to be fuckable above all else and it messes with our heads.

savannah said...

on this side of the pond whomever orders the wine gets the first taste, sugar! ;-)

love the post title, btw!

MJ said...

Wait a minute!

Back this train up a little!

What's this about a sugarloaf assault?

Primal Sneeze said...

Ah jayzez, but that was priceless. Poor old granddad - the embarrassment when he realised his mistake.

emily said...

What do you mean, the man tastes the wine? Even if the woman chooses it? In the States the person who orders it has the taste. AND women get to vote, too! ;)

BK said...

Poor old Grandad he thought his luck had changed.
So the hens didn't have a stripper to their table? What pikers. tsk.

Manuel said...

medbh: yeah cheap way to kill grandpa......it was funny medbh, these were clearly intelligent, professional women who decided to dress like schoolgirls......it's odd.......but let me tell you they had a hoot of a night.....

savannah: if only it were that simple.....

mj: yup, right out nowhere.....group of 8 women, I was saying goodbye and what have you when one sidled up and went for it....big handful......oh the violation......

sneezy: I don't think you can embarrass 75 year old men on their birthday....

emily: more to come.......

bk: they wouldn't have had the opportunity.......hell no......

Blondefabulous said...

Who assaulted your sugarloaf? Was it the Hallmark famliy or the Faux Brittneys????

I would have run either way......

FAR AWAY!

Tony said...

i have got to get me an accountant that matches that description!

Gypsy said...

Poor old bugger must've been gutted when he found out that Britney wasn't his birthday present after all. I would've been a good sport and played along...well up to a point. What? I love old people.

Manuel said...

blondie: neither.....a random table that I wasn't even serving, but had been "flirting" with. For the greater cause you understand......tips.

tony: I'm not sure that's the best way to go.....

gypsy: there's love and then there's just plain odd.....

problemchildbride said...

Brilliant!

I bet Grandad sulked all the way home.

Tony said...

i was just trying to act as if i might ever need an accountant...it's good for my self-esteem even if it is total bull...

B said...

Wait medbh, why shouldn't accountants be allowed to be as foolish as everyone else?
As a potential accountant of the future I demand the right to degrade myself by dressing up as Britney Spears if I want to!

At least they know what to get Grandad next year.

savannah said...

guess, i'll have to wait for the more to come, sugar...is it that different over there? xox

Anonymous Boxer said...

for a minute, I thought you went to see the new "Sex and the City" movie, now I see you just served them.

Deborah said...

That is hysterical Manuel! A stripper for Grandad. Loving it! :)

On your aside, that is a big pet peeve of mine. If the man orders, then fine, he should taste, bua waiter's tip declines substantially if I order the wine and they present it to him. Even worse if it's a smellier who is too important to check with the waiter who ordered. Hmph! :)

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