Saturday, 28 June 2008

Greatest putdown ever.......

I heard this vignette this evening. And it is without a doubt the greatest putdown to a rude customer ever.

I really want it to be true.

A gentleman diner at one of Belfast's better restaurants committed the cardinal sin of beckoning the waiter by clicking his fingers. The young woman was rightly offended and approached the gentleman and in a clear and controlled voice said,

"It takes more than two fingers to make me come. Sir."

Ladies and gentlemen I give you the greatest putdown ever.

I thank you..........

32 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

Michelle said...

BWAhahahaaa! Oh, so hope it's true!

Manuel said...

michelle: oh me too......

samcrea said...

cant top that..

savannah said...

sweet!!!!! xoxo

Medbh said...

Brilliant!
That's fucking legendary.

zeph said...

Yeah, umm. So, why are y'all so twitchy about snapping fingers, anyway?

Manuel said...

samcrea: hammer time.....

medbh: but isn't it......I laughed for twenty minutes....

zeph: Que? really? Nah I'm not even gonna answer that........

Native Minnow said...

So, I have a bad habit of saying "pssst" really loudly when I'm trying to get my friends' attention, but only because I think it's funny. However, I once slipped up and did it to our favorite waitress at one of the places we frequent. She let me have it.

"Excuse me? Did you just 'pssst' me?"
"Well, I started to but then . . ."
"But then you realized it was incredibly rude."
"Uh. Sorry."

I deserved it.

Quickroute said...

Classic!

conortje said...

This is a variation of my favourite chat up line - you beckon someone over with your finger and when they're there say 'If my finger can make you come, imagine what the rest of me can do'. I've actually seen this used hehe not on me I might add!

Trekkie said...

Classic.
Just as well the kids aren't up coz then they'd have asked why Mummy was holding onto the desk with tears running down her face.

Manuel said...

minnow: bwahahahahaha but psst isn't the worst.....

quickie: totally

conortje: dud nobody believes that you haven't used it.......nobody......

trekkie: you never really want to have to explain that really........! are you new round here? welcome!

Trekkie said...

I've been reading you for a while, having come to this blog through Jen's 'Little Bird Eats'

jen said...

That putdown is priceless, absolutely priceless. I want it to be true soooooo much! If there's any justice in this world...

lorraine@italianfoodies said...

Go Girlfriend!!!

Manuel said...

trekkie: ah.....well I'm glad you stepped out of the shadows.....

jen: but can you imagine the aftermath.....?

lorraine: my sentiments exactly.....

Dave said...

It'll be even funnier if you ever use it, Manuel. Just purse your lips a teensy bit when you do.

Manuel said...

DAVE: I'm just not sure it's gonna work coming from a chap.....I'd probably end up with a punch on the nose.....plus it wouldn't make sense....

problemchildbride said...

Ha! Brilliant!

I got your badges, by the way! And splendid ones they are too. I shall wear them with pride. Sorry though, I should have let you know sooner that they got here OK. Wasn't thinking.

Anonymous said...

This put down was used a lot in The Chicago Pizza Pie Factory in London in the late 80's (believe it or not this was an incredibly busy and quite trendy restaurant.)

The other classic was:

Waitress: Would you like any other toppings on your Pizza
Lecherous Customer: Do you come on the pizza, Dahling?
Waitress: No; but we have anchovies and they taste almost the same.

Silverstar said...

Gee and I thought I was doing well when I got rid of the customers that lingered well past closing time by spilling a glass of water in one of their laps. I can't imagine why I only lasted a month waiting tables.

raptureponies said...

If only I'd thought of it.
That is brilliant.

Mr. DNA said...

Isn't the immediate comeback to her put down,
"Apparently not."?

Sorry, while I agree that it is a great putdown, the comeback popped into my head right when I read it.

Of course in a real life situation at a restaurant my immediate response probably would have been, "I'm sorry". And begging her not to hit me or spit in my food.

Anonymous said...

I once worked in a shop where a woman cam in and clicked her fingers at staff, I asked politely if she had lost a dog somewhere..

I find clicking to be the most awful way to communicate with anyone, I often threaten violence..

Manuel said...

anonymous: and so you should!

StarHound said...

A great line....

But I know a waiter (male)who used it about ten years ago...in The Other Place on Botanic, of all places...

Customers like that should just be thrown out...as brusquely as possible, more so if it particularly winds them up.

Manuel said...

starhound: maybe the only good thing to come out of that place.......hehehehe

C said...

LOL! When someone snaps their fingers at me I usually put the rest of their meal in to-go containers... and bring the bill. The dare-to-protest-glare is quite usefull too!

heather said...

*i do hope that my drunken ass hasn't over stayed her welcome. so sorry if you were offended by the alan cummings bit at my place, but honestly, i think he's a genius and in my defense i did say that i thought of you as a blend of him and colin farrell.*

anyway, as far as the post goes...
for me, it takes a minimum of four.

if you can't commit at the very least four then get the hell outta my bed.

Ed said...

cracker Manuel, cracker... I do love a putdown when its deserved

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Blair said...

That is so awesome! I really hope that is true. I just found your blog, it is really cool. Please check out my blog, www.stuckserving.com, it posts funny waiter stories everyday. Thanks!