Tuesday, 1 July 2008

The Final Sitting...

The Final Sitting is another new irregular regular feature. From time to time I will be bothering asking people to tell what they would do for their last meal if they could choose such thing. The more awake of you will remember this from a previous post. This is a concept that has fascinated me since I stumbled across it on the Guardians, "Word of Mouth" food blog. And no two people I have spoken to about it since have given me anywhere near the same answers.


So first up we have self styled troubadour and regular lunch chum R G Shiels. Robyn hails from a hick red neck charming little town called Kilrea. He writes as he speaks and lives like he sings. Mr Shiels is just out of the studio (man) where he has been crafting his still untitled second album. Robyn will be playing at Trans 08 in Belfast alongside the Panama Kings and at the End of the Road Festival in Dorset England.

Like he say he writes as he speaks.

"If I was to be having a Last Meal it would be somewhere really fucking daft, say Rathlin Island or a wee dinky place I remember good times in, Turkey (the obligatory gobble,gobble pun can go here...ye can fuck aff though wae the blow job shite though!!) I believe Kalkan was the village, fishing was their livelihood. So aye, somewhere like that....just a big fuck off long wooden table, outside, the sun bein' obedient as it sets......an' around this big fuck off wooden table would be folk I'd be happy at...so that means then that they'd all be dead so lets hae Francis Sinatra....actually fuck it...The Whole fucking Rat Pack minus that cunt Lawford cos he just looks sneaky....and he's English! Joey Bishop I'm sure would keep us entertained wae various oul school anecdotes.....and I wouldnae mind Ava Gardner bein' there as well....

Food would be a small starter (cos of all the fukn Crazzeee Coke no one of course would be takin'....which would explain then all the wee small bladders an' frequentin' of le toilets...and that Goddamn pollen allergy!!!) So beef tomatoes, mozzarella an' basil wae loads of olive oil and mibbee a wee bit o' crushed garlic in there just te fuck off everyone later.

Wine would be Red...couldnae give a fuck what sort...as long as it keeps me "calm" from wantin' te snog Miss Gardner I'm alright....so, aye, somethin' reasonably decent, say 'round the 15% mark to gulp down with some cow I'm easy.

Main course...Meat!!! Steak!! Medium!! Steamed fukn veggies....still Alistair fukn Dante as well please....boiled "preatys" or spuds te you fukn Guardian readers, just peel the fukn skins an' put te le side o' yer plate and quit fukn whinging. Butter an' lots of it on them wee beauties, mibbee a tomato (cos we be fond of that up in the country!!). Some sorta gravy, no too much.

Waiter would of course be Manuel....not cos I'm "thumbin'" him, but he's a buddy an' can be quite amusin'....

...sometimes!!

So,aye,that cunt...

...plus he's good at all that fukn red wine/white wine matchin' the meal shite!!!!

Anyways...

...no fukn dessert cos everybody by this time will be Extra Fukn Twitchy from "that pollen count" so cigars, large whiskies for whoever (I'll try an' say no but no always means yes when I'm pished.) Frank doin' what he do'eth best an' givin' me a fukn dirt wae his crooning, as we retire to inside and more of the merriment that would of course befit/ensue with said various folk.......I of course will be either putting lanky Dino Martin in a headlock an' tellin' him how tight I am or apologisin' ALL NIGHT to Ava (see, first name terms by now) for vomiting on her rather elegant evening dress!!! Either by dancin' or chancin'....

Night, night...an'

Salut!!!!!!"

r.g
photo © R G. Shiels
Robyn G Shiels

19 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

Medbh said...

Ava Gardner was a total hottie.
She was the best looking woman in the film noir classic series.
Although I think Sinatra was a douche, outside of his wonderful performance in "The Manchurian Candidate."

Robyn's last meal sounds quality.

Eddie said...

real nice feature Manuel!

Native Minnow said...

See, now this adds an entirely new element that I'd never considered before. I've thought about what I'd want to eat for my last meal, but never who I'd want for company. Hmmmm.

Anonymous Boxer said...

I'm having a hard time understanding the accent, but I'm with medbh - Ava was the bomb.

I'm making my own list now.....

harried_dad said...

I must have eyestrain, I keep seeing an "h" in Sitting.

At first I thought it was about what book you would want to read after you were "working off" your last meal. In case you are interested mine would be [Bloody Casuals: Diary of a Football Hooligan ]. Dunno why, just seems to stick in my head.

Manuel said...

medbh: the man with the golden arm was good......eh?

eddie: ta ta!

minnow: it's true and it's a toughie.....

boxer: I agree and I know him!

harried dad: get it out of your head.....clear your mind......go to waterstones.......buy a new book.......throw out all boos relating to football hoolies.......

Sweetchuck said...

Can you translate that to english?

Not quite fluent in 'Ulster Scots'

Manuel said...

sweetchuck: that's the tidied up version....you should see what was taken out.....

Manuel said...

sweetchuck: also my phone is bust incase you are looking for me.....

fatmammycat said...

Sounds like a FINE way to go.

Manuel said...

FMC: it does doesn't it.......?

toast said...

a fine idea, and i don't mean to come across all pious but ching at a meal is all kinds of wrong... but then i spose it is yer last meal... but then its not a meal with ching is it? its a bit like saying - my last meal would be in served in a swimming pool and there would be huge slides around it and GG Allin would be playing and i'd be there with eintzerende neubatten and one of the slides would be a corkscrew and for scran we'd have cheesy chips from rudy's -if you have magic fairy dust and the ratpack it ain't about the meal - but hey, this is manuels blog and his rules, but i am just sayin.... just sayin thats all...

Manuel said...

toast: well hell he's from your neck of the woods so you shouldn't really be surprised......I'd be quite shocked if you two never crossed paths at some point.....

toast said...

ar you insinuating that all us country types are all sisterloving bible freaks that are all somehow related? - when you say that in his ski mask and battered eyes he does look like me ma a bit

Manuel said...

toast: you can deny it all you want but I knows ye know it's true......

Conan Drumm said...

Ava, and the late Cyd Charisse... real beauties.
Can't be doing with that ratpack shower though, bunch of misogynistic bolloxes and tight with the mob.

Robyn, with a y? He's got issues, doesn't he?

Manuel said...

conan: many but that's the least of them....

Cigars Man said...

Yo...last meal kinda freaks me out but if you knew you were gonna go the next day would you even want a last meal or something else? Like out doing the list of things that you were gonna do but never did. Makes me think.

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