Monday, 9 June 2008

BleurghBQ

Come on now people I know it's a bit tight these days what with all that crunchy credit floating around. And I know that soon only the richest Kings of Europe, and the Middle East, will be able to drive a car such is the price of oil.

But still that is no reason to start cooking for yourselves!
die die die die die

It's all starting to have a negative effect at work. Whilst our weekend was still very busy it is taking longer to fill the booking sheets. It took until about 4pm on Saturday before I could call the restaurant fully booked. The weekends are good but it's the mid week that's starting to bum me out. It's not just the price of oil and the rise in household bills that's messing with my general happiness it's the freakishly good weather of late as well. And it's this that makes Manuel such a bitter little man.

And I am bitter.......and little.

Any sign of the sun in this country sees men, and it is almost always men, dragging the family out of the safety and comfort of their homes and onto the recently decked patio to eat medium rare chicken breasts, burnt sausages and pathetic burgers. Lovely sofas, widescreen TV's, games consoles, and general happiness are all set aside to afford dad his magical summer moment of cooking for the family. Caveman cunt. Oh yes the sun triumphs the arrival of the food poisoning season like snow heralds Christmas.

It should be noted that I fucking detest BBQ's and everything associated with them, the food at BBQ's, the constant smoke in your eyes, the cunt in the apron and novelty chefs hat with some piss poor slogan on it that reads, "Get me a beer" or "Daddy's hat" or "I make up for my small penis by BBQing."

BleurghBQ would be a better word for it.

And don't tell me your BBQ's are better and all that. I've never been to a BBQ yet that didn't have the obligatory asshole with a pair of elongated tongs in one hand, that he guards with all his might, and tin of cheap supermarket beer in the other. Being master of the mesquite sauce doesn't impress me much. AND when half the street gets food poisoning it's all down to the butcher and his dodgy sausages isn't it? Amateur bastards.

And it's the same every year.

The sun comes out, the customers disa-fucking-ppear. When I'm making my way home from work, early, the smell of burning charcoal and salmonella fills my lungs with anger and disappointment. Your part time love for the restaurant and all that work in it depresses and angers me. You may have guessed this already. But you'll be back and I'll welcome you with open arms.

But it wont be the same.

Because I'll know where you've been.

You were there last summer too. Serving yourselves shite food on shite paper plates and drinking out of plastic cups. Hey if you like BBQing so much why don't you BBQ for juniors graduation, it's coming up soon? Or for your grandmothers birthday eh? Some soggy salad and a limp burger says, "I love you mum!"

Ha!

Feels good to get that off my chest. And the one good thing about this country is that every spell of good weather breaks sooner rather than later and when it does my cup, of cash, will runneth over. So here's hoping it pishes down all week......

How bitter is that?

29 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

Medbh said...

It's probably true of any urban populace in the summer, Manuel.
They all leave town or BBQ rather than go dine at a restaurant.
But for those of us who stay, it's the perfect time to not wait for a table and enjoy.

problemchildbride said...

It definitely brings out something hairy and grunting in a man, does bbqing. Usually many hours later as they heave their bug-ridden stomachs out over the loo.

Quickroute said...

They're much more waiter friendly in my neck of the woods - they bbq in the restaurants here!

captain chaos said...

Must say that I agree with one caveat: my friend is from Texas and his bbq work is amazing. He's also a chef in a restaurant so that may explain some of it and he only does it twice a year. In general though, most people shouldn't cook at all. Ever.

Blondefabulous said...

Pish! I learned my BBQ skills at the feet of the masters. The Rendezvous with Nick Vergos in Memphis Tennessee, Interstate BBQ with Mr Jim Neeley, and Chef Tom, who showed me low and slow will always beat out fast and furious..... (BBQ, not the other stuff). That other crap is just grilling,.... not BBQ. Please to know the difference.

Anonymous Boxer said...

Ahahahaahahahah - I'm still looking for an apron that says "Grill Bitch" - Not because I BBQ, because I don't. But just because. And don't forget all of the ecoli laden food that goes with it too. I never eat potato salad from June to August.

Old Knudsen said...

The Yanks go one further and do tail gating which is a BBQ at the back of someone's pick up truck very strange. The red Injuns invented BBQ so i don't feel bad about taking their land.

fatmammycat said...

Pretty bitter in fairness. I know of what you speak. The paramour is a man bound forever to his smoking BBQ, his eyes get a faint weird sheen when Satdee rolls round and there is sun. 'meat' he will mutter, we must cook meat' An lo, off he trundles to buy many varieties of meat to flame roast on an outdoor grill. I believe it's a primal thing, his brother is the same.

sheepworrier said...

Feck aff ya grumpy wee shite! Allow us the pleasure of a burger and beer in the sun for the few days a year the sun decides to shine on our wee country.
Btw, Ive a few Aussie, Kiwi and SA mates living over here - now they really know how to bbq!

Manuel said...

sheepo: It's all their fault too.......cunty cunts......

Crispy said...

I love an oul BBQ Manuel, must be the scavanger in me!!
While I'm here may I suggest for the letter "i" Ideopathic Pancreatitis or indeed for the letter "l" Laparoscopic cholecystectomy. Am on the mend now but for the love of all that is good and holy (NOT Iris Robinson)where are my Milk Tray....what has a girl to do?!

Manuel said...

MEDBH: yes, take advantage of the spaces left behind........support your local waiter!

sam: they deserve it...

quickie: savages...

chaos: damn well said.....

blondie: no no no......god invented cookers and chefs for a reason....

boxer: crikey!

old k: fairs fair...

fmc: stamp down on it all......

crispy: yes well we all have our crosses to bear.....

bendersbetterbrother said...

So no-one's invited you to one yet?

Conan Drumm said...

agh ahar gruhd, gurgh tudh gredw thwarf harquar ghuedg, mfweg groffgha rghh!!

"At our place, 7pm on Saturday, if the weather holds, don't forget you beer!"

Manuel said...

bbb: wouldn't go even if I was......

conan: rather you than me.......honestly....

dave said...

Manuel, got any BBQ sauce to go with my dodgy burger?

Manuel said...

dave: stick it up your ass.......again.....

Conan Drumm said...

Hmm, how's about some luke warm mayo on that curled lip?

Manuel said...

conan: i'm not huffing......

Conan Drumm said...

:)

Manuel said...

conan: kay......just a bit then.....

livesbythewoods said...

Ha, we laugh at your puny mere barbecues, Earthling.

The WithaY household rejoices in a full-size SMOKER. We can cook entire turkeys in it, and make them tender, succulent and tasting of smoke.

Perfect for anyone who is trying to cut down on fags and is also hungry.

It was bought as an unmissable bargain on holiday in the USA, and then cost us about 200 quid to ship back home.

Yes indeedy, a real bargain. But we've never given anyone the shits with it.

Manuel said...

lbtw: I like the sound of this thingy.....hmmmmmmm home smoker......

lorraine@italianfoodies said...

I hear ya:) We still don't own one even though we're threatening to buy one for years!! I think we're all feeling the pain of the "doom and gloom" of the economy, there won't be a bbq for a while yet!!

Manuel said...

lorraine: pretty sure you wouldn't poison anyone all the same.....

B said...

yum, BBQs have raw, half burnt, thoroughly poisonous meat with bits of charcoal lodged in it.

I often wonder is the bbq meat in a butchers just outta date meat with spices on it.

Manuel said...

b: how tremendously cynical.......i approve!

Deborah said...

See I think you've summed up the whole BBQ problem: men. I hate letting men anywhere near my grill. They come with an attitude that says they've been doing this from the stone age, but with no comprehensible knowledge of the food they're cooking and an ego the size of Australia. They also tend to talk and drink too much, thus neglecting the food. A BBQ needs a woman's delicate touch. You'll have to come to a BBQ at my place Manuel, no caveman in sight, just good honest food grilled gently and to perfect temp!

Oh yeah, and Irish men are even worse. Irish people can't BBQ. No siree. It's awful. The smells of burnt steak around the neighbourhood just make me cringe and hope to fuck it wasn't fillet!

fgeegf said...

成人電影,情色,本土自拍, 情色聊天室, 寄情築園小遊戲, AV女優,成人電影,情色,本土自拍, A片下載, 日本A片, 麗的色遊戲, 色色網, ,嘟嘟情人色網, 色情網站, 成人網站, 正妹牆, 正妹百人斬, aio,伊莉, 伊莉討論區, 成人遊戲, 成人影城,
ut聊天室, 免費A片, AV女優, 美女視訊, 情色交友, 免費AV, 色情網站, 辣妹視訊, 美女交友, 色情影片 成人影片, 成人網站, A片,H漫, 18成人, 成人圖片, 成人漫畫, 情色網,
美女交友, 嘟嘟成人網, 成人貼圖, 成人電影, A片, 豆豆聊天室, 聊天室, UT聊天室, 尋夢園聊天室, 男同志聊天室, UT男同志聊天室, 聊天室尋夢園, 080聊天室, 080苗栗人聊天室, 6K聊天室, 女同志聊天室, 小高聊天室, 情色論壇, 色情網站, 成人網站, 成人論壇, 免費A片, 上班族聊天室, 成人聊天室, 成人小說, 微風成人區, 色美媚部落格, 成人文章, 成人圖片區, 免費成人影片, 成人論壇,
日本A片, 愛情公寓, 情色, 舊情人, 情色貼圖, 情色文學, 情色交友, 色情聊天室, 色情小說, 一葉情貼圖片區, 情色小說, 色情, 色情遊戲, 情色視訊, 情色電影, aio交友愛情館, 色情a片, 一夜情, 辣妹視訊, 視訊聊天室, 免費視訊聊天, 免費視訊, 視訊, 視訊美女, 美女視訊, 視訊交友, 視訊聊天, 免費視訊聊天室, 情人視訊網影音視訊聊天室, 視訊交友90739, 成人影片, 成人交友, 本土自拍, 免費A片下載, 性愛,
成人交友, 嘟嘟成人網, 成人電影, 成人, 成人貼圖, 成人小說, 成人文章, 成人圖片區, 免費成人影片, 成人遊戲, 微風成人, 愛情公寓, 情色, 情色貼圖, 情色文學, 做愛, 色情聊天室, 色情小說, 一葉情貼圖片區, 情色小說, 色情, 寄情築園小遊戲, 色情遊戲情色視訊, 情色電影, aio交友愛情館, 言情小說, 愛情小說, 色情A片, 情色論壇, 色情影片, 視訊聊天室, 免費視訊聊天, 免費視訊, 視訊美女, 視訊交友, 視訊聊天, 免費視訊聊天室, a片下載, aV, av片, A漫, av dvd, av成人網, 聊天室, 成人論壇, 本土自拍, 自拍, A片,成人電影,情色,本土自拍,