Tuesday, 15 April 2008

Nasty

I've seen some nasty things in my time,
not all of them in my own bathroom either.

I've seen all sorts of roadkill, gruesome bodies (both living and dead), expelled bodily fluids on top of expelled bodily fluids, Arsene Wenger close up, nests of rats oh I've witnessed it all.

Spending every summer, for about 12 years, on my grandparents farm I saw calves being born and let me tell you that ain't pretty. I've seen vast tanks of animal effluent. I've seen pigs, chickens and cows slaughtered.

Oh the horror, the noise, the smell.

I sat on a train once and witnessed a grown man stick his hand down his trousers rummage around retract his paw and sniff it. Not just a quick sniff either but rather a good long, fill the lungs, sort of sniff.

I nearly heaved my lunch, but.......
nasty nasty nasty
nose picker
but there's nastier....

....but none of that was as nasty as the shit I saw on Sunday night. Oh no, this was the nastiest thing I've seen in many a year.

It was early Sunday evening and all was well. It was a bit of a Goldilocks night, not too busy not too quiet just right. One of my tables was preparing to leave, a two top, mother and teenage son, probably 18/19 years old. I dropped the bill off and stood back, like I say it wasn't busy so I treated myself to some leaning time. I enjoy a good lean, who doesn't?

My leaning/pondering time was disturbed by the teenage son. I don't like to have my lean time disturbed. I was drifting into a happy daydream, the usual thing, waiter takes over world, world worships at his knees. But just as the children of the world had begun to sing to me I noticed teenage son's hand hovering above the money his mother had left to pay the bill before she went to the bathroom.

What was this about?

Were shenanigans afoot?

I could see him check the bill.

I watched as he counted the money.

I nearly spat as he lifted a note and some coins and plant them into his back pocket.

The dirty rotten low life bastard. I couldn't stop myself, I emitted a very loud, "NO!" Not in a Platoon style 'I've just been shot" more a 'I cant believe it' type thing.

The bastard. Tip robbing is as low as it gets. His mother thinks she left a healthy tip, well she did, I just never got it save for 80 pence. It was all I could do not to throw it at him as they left.

I hope she takes her handbag to bed with her because I'm sure he dips it on a regular basis. Waiters are like elephants, insert own fat waiter related joke here, we never ever forget. There will be a little extra "spice" in his pepper sauce next time he pops in.

Waiter karma, it's real and it hurts........

32 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

bendersbetterbrother said...

Why didn't you just tout him out.
Perhaps a "Madam, how much did you actually leave because I thought I saw you count out more than "insert amount thieving son had left here"?

If she had accused you of trying to rob her you could have directed her to the pocket she'd find the missing loot in.

ellie said...

I have been that mother, for years I was giving my son a tip to give to pizza / chinese delivery men and for years he pocketed it. It only came to light last year. Oh how we laughed at his red face when he was rumbled.
He cringes now when he thinks about it and we don't let him forget.
If he had tried to get away with it in a restaurant I would have chopped his hands off!

Manuel said...

bbb: I should have killed him in the face with the 80p! twatish bastard....

ellie: you posted about that didn't you? oh the cheeky so n so......but you've put him straight since then eh?

Medbh said...

I caught a dirty patron stealing a tip in the first restaurant I worked in from an empty table as he walked out. I yelled at him and he dropped it. Luckily it was a vegetarian restaurant where fools were not suffered gladly. You could go in and drive us batty with your dietary requests but no stealing.
He was banned for life!

Manuel said...

medbh: should have beat him with a cucumber and lobbed spuds at him....oh the fucker....

Blondefabulous said...

And you didn't come up with some way to out him in fromt of dear old mummy?? I would have purposfully brought her her change and when she asked what was up, said something to the effect of "The young gentleman already took most of the tip, I thought maybe he was in need of the rest of the change for his beer and blow fund." Frickin' bastard!

Manuel said...

blondie: I considered it bt blood's thicker than water and I didn't fancy having to fend her off as well as him.....

Quickroute said...

Manuel - Wise up! - just don't let your nephews eat in restaurant again!

witchypoo said...

He was picking his nose while you weren't looking too.

savannah said...

there's no winning in that situation, sugar, you're right! but it certainly would have been nice to have been able to open the book in front of her, look astounded at the 80p and said in a very low shocked voice. "was there something wrong with the service, madame? *sigh*

Native Minnow said...

I've seen worse. I've seen people take a twenty dollar bill off a stranger's table and replace it with a five because "their bill couldn't have been enough to warrant twenty dollars for a tip."

Mudflapgypsy said...

I would have raced up to them and made a big show of giving the remaining 80p and then telling his mother what I saw happen and walk away. 2nd hand hindsight 'n' all.

Wee fucker.

conortje said...

my god! I thought things like that only happened on Eastenders.

sheepworrier said...

I've seen other waiters steal tips (off the table and from the communal tip jar) but never the customers, though I suppose the waiter crime is more repugnant.

Manuel said...

quickie: pfft...my cousins wouldn't go for small change when there is a bar...with vodka

witchypoo: most probably.....

savannah: it would have been nicer to beat him with my shoe.....

minnow: "I've seen people".....it was you eh?

muddy: thought about it but well you know.......

conortje: hahahahahahaha

sheepo: NEVER! Us waiter are a proud and moral bunch, I couldn't imagine someone doing that.....I'm shocked....pfft....actually ok we did have one once at work.....unmarked grave init.....

Conan Drumm said...

Any chance you have cctv of the tables? Nothing like a bit of evidence to help Mammy get to know sonny a bit better.

Manuel said...

conan: ah not worth the hassle......but i'll get him if he comes back.....

fatmammycat said...

That is fucking low. I would have called the little prick on it. I honestly would have. THEN I would have glassed him.

Manuel said...

fmc: hahahahaha quality....but you know what teenagers are like these days....the little fucker would have stabbed me then sued me for hurting his hand....

MJ said...

ARSEne Wenger.

hee hee.

Manuel said...

mj: well done you.....he is also, and I'm not making this up...the manager of Arsenal football club....well he is at the moment......maybe not for long.....very cheeky smile....

Medbh said...

Mr. M and I have both had this happen to us in grad school and among academics and its probably really common.
You're out with a group, the check comes and everyone throws down cash for their bill and the tip. Then one person will say, "oh, I'm gonna take the cash and then put it on my card. Saves me from going to an ATM." And each time I get louder about it because they take the generous tip in their pocket and then leave a shitty one on their credit card. It's a real scumbag move.

Gypsy said...

Dirty little bottom feeder. I wonder if he also takes sweets from a child. Scumbag.

I have just read your last 6 posts and want to thank you for the riotous entertainment. Sorry I've been such a bad blog reader. I will try to do better in the future :)

Sam, Problemchildbride said...

What a little tosser, pulling that shit when he's 18 already for crying out loud.

travelling, but not in love said...

That's just nasty. Dirty robbin' thievin' little bastard.

Or maybe he just thought your service wasn't up to the healthy tip that Mommy Dearest had left. Maybe he's used to better....ha ha

lorraine@italianfoodies said...

The little sh!t!!!

Manuel said...

medbh: oh I have been stiffed by that so many times, it's a cunt trick for sure.....I have a friend that does it too....

gypsy: awh thanks ...

sam: I did cry out loud.....he was such a wee fucker...

traveling: oh oh that hurts....I'm gonna get you sucker..

Lorraine: well said.....

Sadhbh said...

Thats horrible!! Ive been working in a restuarant for 2 years and ive heard of anything like that before!! madness!!

Korarnithlas said...

*Makes a face* Disgusting vermin.

You should have outed the rat!

This post made me think of a good question I have about the "little black books" being left on the table:

I'm a hostess at a restaurant here in the U.S. I have been told not to touch "the books" when I see it on a table, yet wonder at seating people at said tables. Isn't it better for me to pick it up and hand it to the server before some rodent decides to sneak a peak at it? Or should it not be my problem since the server apparently wasn't watching enough to pick up the book in the first place?

I do a fair amount of food prep & presentation myself (to-go & dessert) and know how unfortunately precious a tip can be.

Thoughts?

Manuel said...

korarnithlas: Id be more than happy for you to hand me the little black book......it's all about trust right? You have to trust those working with you.....and I'm more trusting of them than the customers.....oh and welcome!

Niamheen said...

OH! That's appalling. Little git!!

Niamh

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