Friday, 7 March 2008

“It's a good thing that life is not as serious as it seems to a waiter”

It was but a year ago, today, that I published my first post on Well Done Fillet. And what a year it has been. I have loved every minute of it, even if those minutes meant I was up until 3am and that my waist has grown larger. I cant eat out anymore without writing a post in my head whilst I consider if the waiters are showing enough love or not. I'm addicted to my stats and I've all but given up on watching TV. I fear being outed as my batman like alter ego, Manuel, by the overlords at work. But I fear having nothing to write about the most.

Life has changed since Fatman and Thumb Stubber walked into my restaurant that fateful night.

And you know what?

I love it....
My reasons for blogging were several. Firstly, it was and still is cathartic. When you come home from work late at night tense and still replaying an incident in your mind from the previous service it is good to have somewhere to vomit all that bile and bitterness. LMM couldn't cope with listening to me for a moment longer. Secondly, I just wanted to share all my "fun" times with you.

Being a waiter isn't the toughest job in the world, far from it. But over my nearly 20 years in hospitality I have witnessed the steady decline in standards, both from customers and amongst the people who serve them. It irks me so. Please and thank you are becoming but a distant memory. Courtesy, civility, and manners have been replaced with rudeness, boorishness, and a sense of entitlement. If your waiter is rude to you or not giving you the service you richly deserve fucking pull them on it. But don't be surprised and go running for mummy when we call you out for your finger clinking, ass grabbing, and tardiness. I'm getting too old, too fat, and too grouchy to put up with it any more. You fuck with me and you will have to prepare to say hello to my waiter's friend.

But it ain't all bad.

For every 10 mouth breathers I have to serve well done fillet steaks with sauce on the side and a bucket of ketchup to I get two or three little gems, the customers who remind me why I continue to wait tables. And the tips are good too, obviously.

But mostly I hope you have all learned to love the waiters in your life a little more.

You have haven't you?

Cheers folks for all the visits and comments it really does mean a lot to me.

and remember

Book your table, be on time, order well, eat, pay, tip, leave.
(deviation is the road to dining dissatisfaction)

48 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

eguinan said...

Happy Birthday WDF!

Your consistency and regularity is envy-making (em, that sounds like I'm talking about something else, but anyhoo...)

Keep it country,

Daddy or Chips?
(Medium plz)

bendersbetterbrother said...

Well, you're an enjoyable read. I said READ. That's why people keep turning up.
Keep anonymous, keep writing and serve me well if I ever show up in your restaurant. I'll keep the other end of the bargain.

Manuel said...

eguinan: cheers! believe me you couldn't be talking about anything else.....

BBB: cheers fella.......did you get that cash i sent you?

bendersbetterbrother said...

Aye, the 15p that teacher you misled left you? Thanks! Don't worry, you'll get at least 2/3 of it back.

Manuel said...

bbb: mislead? why you cheeky.....oh that's right.....cheers again

warriorwoman said...

could I have fries with that please waiter??

http://warriorwitch.wordpress.com

MJ said...

If we all gather round in a circle, we can just about fit our arms around you and your expanding waistline.

Group hug for our favourite waiter!

Manuel said...

warriorwoman: not til saturday.....I'm off

mj: oooh that hurts.....then again you know....

MJ said...

Confession...

I can't look at a waiter now without wondering if he's had his sugarloaf manhandled.

Manuel said...

MJ: look but don't touch......

daisyfae said...

congratulations on a good year - i've only been farting around out here for a few months, but it's a cheap and easy form of therapy. and there are some really fun people as well...

i will always treat good servers with extra kindness because you've sensitized me... there's a waitress in a greasy spoon in a small town in the US still wondering why she got a $20 tip on a $5 breakfast order!

The Hangar Queen said...

Happy Birthday Manuel.

Turns out you do "know sometheeeng"


X

Old Knudsen said...

A year? it seems soooo much longer. I now hate waiters so much since reading you, before I only diliked them so keep up the good work.

psychicgeek.com said...

Congratulations on your blogiversary, Manuel.
You're a treat to read. Every time.

conortje said...

Congrats! The world is a much richer place with Well done fillet.

Margaret said...

Happy blog birthday Manuel!

sheepworrier said...

Happy Blogday(?) Manuel. I would ask the Irish rugby team to give you the bumps, but I dont wanna tire them out before the big game tomorrow.

Seriously tho - brilliant blog. Keep it up.


*gives Manuel manly pat on the shoulder*

*worries the last pat lingered a millisecond too long*

*thumps Manuel on shoulder to reaffirm manliness*

Conan Drumm said...

Happy days Manuel, now get back to work!

Manuel said...

daisyfae: I'd serve you breakfast anytime!!!

Hangar: yes but very very little....

Manuel said...

old k: I here to educate and advise......

Pgeek: Awh shucks.....

Conortje: yes, yes it is......thanks Conortje

margaret: cheers maggie!

sheepo: *manuel stares at sheepo thinking to himself that if sheepo touches him once more there will be tears.....* cheers mate....

conan: yes sir sorry sir....

Conan Drumm said...

What are you up to this week, besides writing your magnum opus, 'Menu Reading for Dummies'?

Manuel said...

Conan: It's nearly done, I'll send you a copy! I've been writing, eating (lots), lunch dates with bloggers, tidied the backyard, considered life and all it's wonders for an afternoon, and that's about it......ok that's not quite true.....I haven't cleaned the backyard but did consider it for an afternoon....

Manuel Estimulo said...

Happy Birthday Senor!

Has been much of a pleasure to make your acquaintance.

Manuel said...

other manuel: cheers......as it has been mine too......

Conan Drumm said...

:) Great, I'll pass the time polishing the cutlery.



(Incidentally, you might write about cutlery at some stage. It says a lot about an establishment)

Manuel said...

conan: cutlery eh...........I'll ponder that whilst in the backyard.....

sheepworrier said...

Im waiting for another gig review from your waiterly mind, since you've got feck all to do this week. Foals are playing Spring & Airbrake tonight.

Or you could go with the DUP and protest outside the Derren Brown gig in the waterfront. He's a devil, you know - just like harry potter...

Manuel said...

Sheepo: Derren Brown isn't the devil, he is a very boring boy though.....and I'm shocked the DUP et al aren't down at the opera House, what with all that nudity n that.....Foals? Sounds like young un's music....I'm on a Led Zep thang today......

upset waitress said...

I missed you! 20 years of waiting? You're older than I thought. Sooo how many clean knives have you licked before placing them under a well done fillet?

Manuel said...

upset waitress: No you didn't, you're just saying that....countless knives,forks, spoons, and glasses licked rubbed and defiled in many many ways......

Fergal said...

Fine blog you have here. I'll confess I'd never heard of until I found one of your badges in my Blog Awards goody bag. You're a welcome addition to my feed reader. But tell me this: what, aside from the obvious matter of tipping well and not being rude, is a really good customer?

paddy said...

Great blog mate and happy 1st Birthday. As a bitter old barman your views on the customer really strike a chord.

toast said...

"i guess you haven't been at it long, you have the enthusiasm of a fresh new blogger!"

jesus, you haven't lit since - some of the most frequent and high quality posting i have seen on the interwibble, i'm not convinced there aren't a team of scriptwriters behind it - congrats manuel, cruelly overlooked at the awards i thought, but it won't be long before this writing is recognised.

all the best manuel, heres to many more fine posts

Sharon said...

Congratulations on a year of top blogging. I have been reading for ages, but only recently jumped into commenting here. You know how it is, you seem so chummy and all! But I do really enjoy this blog.

INNER VOICES said...

yah, yah... get to work, fun time is over... one year of blogging, its like turning thirty all over again. enjoy the day. hahahahahaaa...

Old Knudsen said...

one of your badges in my Blog Awards goody bag.

Is there any limits to yer hoordom?

Let's Kill Saturday Night said...

Happy blogiversary.

Manuel said...

fergal: welcome fergal! Well don't you start with the big questions......repeat the mantra, EAT PAY TIP LEAVE.....repeat forever.....

Paddy: welcome! We share the same pain eh.....

toast: wouldn't have got through the first few months if you hadn't been reading and commenting....and I remember that particular comment....it gave me hope that what I was doing was ok....cheers fella..

sharon: cheers sharon, still no chocolate though.....hehehehe

voices: actually I do feel old today....

knudsen: you wanna badge don't ya? eh? eh?

lksn: from a killah like you that means a lot......

Anonymous said...

THIS IS THE VOICE OF THE OVERLORDS. WE KNOW THAT YOU CAN HEAR US MANUEL. OUR RETALIATION WILL BE SLOW, BUT NONETHELESS EFFECTIVE. IT WILL MEAN THE ULTIMATE DESTRUCTION OF WAITERS ON EARTH. IT WILL BE USELESS FOR YOU TO RESIST, FOR WE HAVE DISCOVERED THE SECRET OF REVERSING MATTER, AS YOU HAVE JUST WITNESSED. ONE OF YOU WILL BE UNDER OUR CONTROL. YOU BE INSTRUMENTAL IN AVENGING THE HEAD CHEF. OUR FIRST ACT OF RETALIATION WILL BE TO ASSASSINATE YOUR PRINCESS.

Manuel said...

"Anonymous": You forget that I can see you.....I know where you live and how you take your coffee.....mwahahahahaha you shall be my puppet......coffee anyone?

lorraine@italianfoodies said...

Congrats Manuel, I just had my 1 year blogversary too, I actually thought you were going a lot longer!! I have to admit I really only started reading when the longlist came out but I'm hooked now, waitressed for too long myself so I feel your pain especially coming home in the early hours of the morning stinking of food and the mind buzzing and now I'm probably going back into it again for my sins!!WHY??? Keep up the good work and I'll give you a "little" clap when you take my title next year;)

yoyo said...

Sorry I missed your first birthday, big guy! :(
Soo anyway, congrats on writing a good blog that's actually good and fun to read and such.

HOoooooo ONE YEAR OLD TODAY!!

*lights crate of fireworks*

heee, splosions!

Manuel said...

Lorraine: Cheers! But your award is more than safe I would say.....

YOYO: Awh cheers.......how sweet

Eolaí gan Fhéile said...

I put my hand in my pocket this last week and felt a little prick. Yes - it was a Well Done Fillet badge.

Happy Blogday and carry on carrying on; we almost share the same day, even if I'm obviously more mature.

Sam, Problemchildbride said...

Bum!

Missed it by a day. Your output is tremendous, Manuel, and believe me I don't say that to all the gents. It's tremendous in terms of volume and, crucially, content. You rock, toots, you surely do.

Happy bloggy burfday and many more a'comin'.

Manuel said...

eolai: well done fillet is the blog that just keeps giving...


Sam: thanks for that Sam....that means a lot......

Medbh said...

Look at all the comment love!
Happy blogiversary, Manuel.
And many more to come.

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