Wednesday, 5 March 2008

I'm using the Bellamy Brothers defense

If I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me?
If I swore you were an angel would you treat me like the devil tonight?
If I asked you if you wanted spuds with your fish would you assume I was paying for it?
The answer to all of these questions is of course "no."

Unless of course you are a mentalist or a first year out of college hungry for power teacher.

Now I don't want to go over old ground, but I am off work this week so I'm being a bit lazy, and I said I would revisit the points made in comments last week.

mwahahahahahah
we got your cash

If your memory is fading or you just cant be bothered to go back and read the post I'm referring to I shall summarise it for you,
  1. Woman orders fish
  2. Manuel offers/recommends a side order
  3. Woman gets side order
  4. Woman eats side order
  5. Woman flirts with Manuel*
  6. Woman enjoys meal
  7. Woman asks for the bill
  8. Woman gets huffy and accuses Manuel of "implying" things and trying to "con" her
  9. Manuel throws bigger huff and refuses to change the bill
  10. Regular readers/commenters Mr S.Worrier and Mr C.Drumm make remarks in defense of woman and restaurant customers in general.
  11. Manuel goes to Dublin and doesn't make a total arse of himself**
* May not have actually have been flirting, she may have had a boss eye.
** To the best of his knowledge.

Now are we all up to date?

Conan was the first to make remarks in defense of restaurant customers saying,
Can I put a punter's perspective? No? Ah, go on... thanks. Yes, they hadn't read the menu closely enough. But, bear with me, but when they ordered the fish and you asked if they wanted anything with it you might have prefaced that by saying the dish did not come accompanied. Yes, you would then have been guilty of implying that they were thick/blind/illiterate... an implication they would have been happy to hear between the lines since it had consequences for their wallets.
I get what you are saying but I always state to the customer when they need to order a side dish or not as the case may be. But surely a bit of common sense should be applied. Restaurants are businesses after all. If I approach a table and ask them if they want a drink are they assuming that I'm just a hell of a nice guy and buying them a drink? No they don't. When the butcher says "Anything else love?" people know he is trying to sell them some more sausages. And when the waiter says would you like a side dish with your bloody sticking fish he is trying to sell you spuds! It doesn't pay to make assumptions especially if you are on a budget or just a tight fisted get.

Sheepworrier agreed,
Im actually with Conan on this one, Manuel - people don't wanna look cheap and ask if the side orders are included in the price, and generally assume a chip or whatever is included if they order the steak.
I also friggin hate places that charge for sauces as well. Cunts. Its like the chinese's that charge for prawn crackers. Tight-fisted hoors.
Well put! But if people don't want to look cheap then they really should read the menu and play close attention to the menu descriptions because they tend to look really really fucking cheap when they start giving me grief. I agree with you about charging for sauce, that is a total con. And prawn crackers should come free on the NHS.

Karen made some other points, but I'm saving those for a slow day. But there will be swearing, mark my words!

Lookity all I'm saying is read the menu, ask questions if you aren't sure and for fuck sake never ever hold you body against me......you don't know where I might have been.

By the way, Sheepo and Conan I'm not having a go at you, honest!

36 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

yoyo said...

Sooo, are you gonna tell us what really happened?


If you were living a day in the life of RagingServer no doubt the horrible woman would give you so much grief and you'd be so busy you'd discount the sides just to get the fetid creature to go away..

I figured it was common sense. Sides, SIDES! not 'Part of meal' but 'Side' I thought would make quite clear something was.. you know, a side order.

People!

*Flings hands up in air*

Manuel said...

YOYO: If I was Raging Server I would still be writing about it......hehehehehe

MJ said...

I suggest you carry a big thick yellow highlighter with you and mark all the fine points on the menu that must be observed.

Poke at them repeatedly with your finger.

The fine points. Not the punters.

Manuel said...

MJ: Yes but they would complain that I am implying that they are thick....and I want less grief not more.....more cash though....

Anonymous Boxer said...

Plus, Helloooo, you're at a RESTAURANT, so there's an understanding that you're not at your Mother's house getting the food for FREE. Any of it.

And unlesss you're at an "All You Can Eat Buffet"... things have a price.

Manuel said...

Boxer: EXACTLY!!!

Old Knudsen said...

Good on ya putting those two cunts in their place, anyway you read the menu everyday most teachers are thick and maybe yer extreme manliness distracted them. What did you spend the 15p on?

sheepworrier said...

Off all week? Jammy hoor.

Fair enough point - depends what sort of establishment you work in I suppose... what was the name of it again?

Also, where did you get the pic of my family holiday in Portrush?

toast said...

Thanks to the power of the internet we can now meet people who are too stupid to order in a restuarant - Hurrah to the nerdy blokes who invented the internet

conortje said...

You should clearly state 'You do realise that you are going to have to pay for this?' after anyone orders anything. Just in case they think you are running a charity.

Gypsy said...

It's funny but I never even check the bill when I get it. I go straight to the total and just pay it. I sure as hell know better now....

PS What's with the week off? Where will you get your blog fodder from and I hope your not going to fob us off with old posts young man.

Manuel said...

Old K: Charmer aren't you?! I spent the 15p on mints, I had to get the taste of bitterness out some how......

Sheepo: Yup the rest of the month is as cuntish as it gets so I'm resting up now...as for your holiday pic, I thought you might like it....Hold on a second it would appear I'm picking on you this week....I'm not....next week though...

Toast: gawd bless the internets and all who surf on her dirty dirty waves.....

Manuel said...

Conortje: or just make a k'ching sound!

Gypsy: yes, yes I am.....that's exactly what I had planned to do....grrrrrr busted

fatmammycat said...

I don't get it? What's hard about uttering the following, 'Are the side orders included in the price?'
Boxer has it right. This ain't no mama's gaff.

Manuel said...

FMC: and I ain't no mama......seriously not even at weekends.....ok, maybe a little at the weekend, but never at work....

Conan Drumm said...

Well Menuel, what can I say [sniff], you just can't get good help nowadays.

It does depend on how the menu is laid out (a jpeg please, Manuel) but a fish dish without veg sounds like an Ulster Fry (btw West of the Bann it's a Full Irish Breakfast) without potato cakes. Or the DUP without Big Ian.

Manuel said...

Conan: tissue? I agree it does depend how the menu is laid out, how the waiter "sells", and upon the intellect or otherwise of the customer. And it's an occupied six counties fry, and always will be....and as for a jpg of my menu? nice try...

sheepworrier said...

Does a Full Irish not have white & black pudding?
Don't think an Ulster fry has them, but I haven't had a proper fry in ages so I dunno.

lorraine@italianfoodies said...

The in-laws place operates this system for the last 35 years and people still get annoyed, they think they're being ripped off but I think it's better , if you don't want it you don't pay!! Most places incl the veg and potatoes in the selling price anyway and I know I never eat the boring boiled broccoli and carrots, I always wonder what they do with the waste???? I find when you can order sides they are a lot more interesting. In Italy you even have to pay a cover charge for your bread, try introducing that into Ireland:)

Manuel said...

Sheepo: A full fry, irrespective of location, political or otherwise, has, sausages, bacon, pudding, (veg roll optional), soda bread, potato bread, (pancake optional) toast, mushrooms, eggs, tea, and a hangover. There can be no deviation from this......none......dead before I'm fifty....

Lorraine: I agree, and when I suggest a side order I do so because I know what complements a particular meal. But if you want champ with noodles go for it! (That actually happened) And as for bread, (£4.50 with tapenade or £2.50 without..... quality....

AnFearBui said...

To paraphrase....
RTFM
Read the F*cking Menu

Manuel said...

AnFearBui: correct.....and concise...

Conan Drumm said...

Good, I'll know when you're looking after our table when you say, "Good evening, have you read the fucking menu? Just so we're on the same page, people."

Agree with you 100% about the fry, it must be entirely life-threatening and capable of soaking up a lake of miscellaneous alcohol.

savannah said...

a week of in march, sugar! how grand for you!

Tony said...

Why don't you leave sheepo and connan alone you meany.

sheepworrier said...

Yeah! I'm telling teacher on you!

Conan Drumm said...

That's it Sheepo, that's telling him!

Manuel said...

Savannah: Oh it is.......I'll probably regret it come October and I have no holiday time left!

Tony, Sheepo, and Conan: can it......or I'll more that piss in your virtual soups....

Sam, Problemchildbride said...

When my husband was first over here on a holiday they used to charge for the ketchup sachets at McDonalds. This offended him more than almost anything else ever has.

Great meeting you on Saturday, Manuel. I'd have liked to have had a chance to yak more with you but these things kind of take on a life of their own and before you know it all the time's disappeared. Next time, baby.

Manuel said...

Sam: It was an absolute joy to meet you on Saturday......seriously meeting you and Devin were some of the major highlights for me......maybe next time it will be on your turf!!

emily said...

I'm visiting Ireland in April and I found your blog while I was googling Irish blogs and following some links. I've added you to my feeder!
So,here's my very important question:
Were the Bellamy Brothers popular in Ireland?? Why do you know that song? It's a million years old! I grew up in Texas listening to country music, but what's YOUR excuse?? :)

Bock the Robber said...

Rest easy Manuel. I can confirm that you didn't make a complete arse of yourself in Dublin.

Now. Doesn't that make you feel better?

Manuel said...

The bellamy Brothers are still big in Ireland, everybody still listens to them and wears their t shirts etc.........ok that's all a lie......it just worked well with the post.....Where are you going?

Bock: That implies that there was some level of arsieness........crikey

Bock the Robber said...

Just winding you up there, lad. As far as I know, you did nothing even a little bit arsey.

emily said...

Flying in to Belfast, visiting Derry and my friend's relatives in Galway and then leaving from Dublin. Any and all advice is welcome. It's my first visit and I can't wait!

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