Friday, 4 January 2008

Don't want to go to work today? Manuel has the solution

Evil: snow
the view from faultless towers

It's snowing.

I fucking hate snow.

I can't cope with snow.

I can't walk in snow. I can fall over in snow. I can look like a idiot in snow. But I cannot walk in snow. I dread having to go to work, it's gonna be a disaster. If only I had a good excuse to get out of it. If only there was a full proof way of not having to go to work and not get into shit. Or shitty snow.

Oh wait, there is! All hail and bend your knees to the get out of work free card that is Norovirus! Norovirus, Norovirus, Norovirus I could say that all day. It just trips off your tongue. Not that you would want it anywhere near your mouth. Hey maybe that's what Adam Sandler has.

God bless Norovirus! It's a slackers dream come true. It's all over the news, don't go to work if you have Norovirus, don't even go to the doctors. Just stay in the house and drink fluids. Yippee!
"People struck down by a stomach bug sweeping the UK have been urged not to go back to work.

Doctors estimate more than 100,000 people a week are catching norovirus, which causes diarrhoea and vomiting.

Workers need to remain at home for 48 hours after the symptoms have gone and stay away from surgeries and hospitals, the Royal College of GPs warned."

[ think about it that's at least a week off work and you don't have to prove it]

From BBC News, so it must be true!

Ok, and I don't have to go to the doctor and get a sick note? Fan-fucking-tastic! One fake, "I'm sick, yeah I've been pooing like a fountain all night" phone call would get me out of having to go to work, having to "brave" the evil snow, and save me from standing about bored out of my tiny mind for 12 hours. For added effect I could cough and splutter and empty a tin of Big Soup into the toilet whilst on the phone and hey presto I've just thrown up when I'm phoning in sick. Genius.......

Good: Norovirus

But then again I'm chicken dedicated and will go to work like a good little soldier. I've been off for three days this week and would fear that they have worked out that they can survive without me. That's why I keep the secret code of how to take bookings properly secret. Seriously I get to work somedays to discover they have booked tables in the toilets or in the keg store. It's not like reading the Da Vinci Code, it's a hell of a lot more interesting, boom boom.

Rambling a bit. I've been off work for three days, what do you expect?

In other news, hold back the tears folks, I Can Has Wayterz, Well Done Fillet To Go, and Stripped Waiter all felt the mighty justice that is the DELETE THIS BLOG key. I don't have the time. That said I have mashed I Can Has Wayterz and Stripped Waiter into a new blog I call.....you'll never guess.....What the Waiter Saw. Genius. More to come from that soon. I have to fill the idle month of January some how. And how much do we all love the new WellDoneFillet banner? I know I do! Ellie advised me to use "Make my logo bigger cream". It really works!


Watch me get an ironic case of Norovirus......well that would be the wait loss program off to a good start.....

23 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

ellie said...

Working in a doctors surgery has it's benefits. I get to try all the new germs before most people. I had that bug the week before Christmas, it's no fun, both ends fight for attention at the same time. Very dangerous!

Manuel said...

sounds minging.....i mean really really minging....

savannah said...

yikes!yikes!yikes!!!
i read about that virus earlier and thought about all ya'll over there...stay well and take care, sugar!

(can't you just stay home when it snows like that? i mean, who the hell goes out to eat in that stuff?)

Manuel said...

Savannah: There's always somebody.......always.....

upset waitress said...

Yea, whatever snow you're referring to is...well down in the islands snow is...you know. Anyways, I've had several viruses in my years. Some I still have. So tell me, how can I get this New-rovirus? I am a whore for days off!

Sweetchuck said...

excellent picture manuel, its snowing like a mo-fo down here in the lake district.

MJ said...

Irish pansies.

You could never cut it here in Canada.

bendersbetterbrother said...

Just been driving around in that for the past 4 hours. Deliberately. Sad, I know.
Bloody snow-ploughs everywhere, saw 3 in 5 minutes. And my oil delivery was due tomorrow, the boiler currently doing it's best on a hint of fumes.

Sam, Problemchildbride said...

Last year was our year of the great vomitty bug. At half past midnight on the first day of 2007 I was in the throes of hosting a Hogmanay party and my twins were in the throes of throwing up. At 12.32am my party frock was covered in both their vomit. I was hoping if anyone would have cause to vomit it might be me being as how I wasn't leaving the house, didn't have to be designated driver and we had a houseful of alcohol. The poor wee souls were miserable with it.

The week before my husband had to sleep his way through much of Christmas Day as he was laid low. Then my dad got it. I didn't get it myself which is amazing because I'm sure I cleaned up gallons of vomit that week. And it's just as well I didn't because it was thoroughly miserable for everyone who did and they all needed a lot of nursing, clean jammies and sheets and things.

Make it your earnest wish not to catch a norovirus. It's almost literally crappier than crap.

conortje said...

Happy new banner mister! Sounds like the snow is wasted on you - I'd love some over here but it just gets too feckin' cold. Minus ten wind chill yesterday....

Manuel said...

upset: hang around a doctors waiting room.....that should do it...

sweetchuck: ah i can see it now, children rolling snowmen anf gliding on bin lids, fathers and sons chucking snowballs, girls skating on the frozen lakes.......ah Craigavon.......such a sweet sweet place

mj: and?

bbb: nice......i'm putting the 3rd bar onto today....well it is minus something....

sam: ewwwwww

conortje: yes yes it is.......more grrrrr than brrrrrrr

sheepworrier said...

Im happy enough, my boss is off with that virus jobby (allegedly) so im free to piss around even more than usual. Deep joy.

The kids on my street built a snowman right outside my door. The wee f**kers.

fatmammycat said...

I am soooo jealous of your snow right now. So very jealous.

dave said...

tut tut...
First it was the inverted photoshop Manuel pic, and now a photo taken from Faultless Towers!
I think you are trying to reveal yourself to the world!
What next? Your library card, passport details and gym membership card?
;-)

Medbh said...

I like a little snow. It makes everything look clean and pretty for a while.
Condensing the blogs was a good idea. Now I need to update the blog roll.

Queen Of Clean said...

You big wuss, it's only a bit of snow, what's wrong with you?

What is this retrovirus anyway?Is it some sort of throw up, I mean throw back to the sixties or something? Cos if it is, my mother will claim that they don't make viruses like they used to.

I was throwing up for Ireland the week before Christmas....missed the company party....where I could have got food poisoning....hey ho, the choices we make.

having my cake said...

Well done Manuel for choosing to work! Mind you, I thought about using that option too but you know what would happen - one week you'd say you had the Novovirus and couldnt come in, the following week, you really would get it. It's karma/justice/whatever you like to call bad stuff that happens... And we didnt get any snow, so I guess I can still keep that option in reserve :)

Mudflapgypsy said...

We know where you live now Manny, see you later with a carryout then? I'll know it's you as you'll be looking over your shoulder to see who's watching you.

People here freak out when it rains hard. My workplace closed early today due to "adverse weather". A bit of snow, pah.

Eejits, the weather was better this afternoon than this morning. No snow near home at all due to heavy rain.

Heehee got home early though. Gotta love it.

Medbh said...

Hey, I thought you were going to work.
Is there an imposter leaving comments at my blog?
Hmmmmm?

Manuel said...

medbh: I escaped early.....

Native Minnow said...

Pouring a can of soup into the john while calling in sick is a genius move. I may have to use that sometime.

I have a friend who's an actress. I was with her when she called in sick to work once. She immediately sounded like she had a stuffy nose and a cough. I don't know how she did it so well, but I decided right then and there that I would never date/marry an actress. Unless of course she was successful and filthy rich.

Manuel said...

Sheepo: Silver linings n all that

FMC: Oh hell you can have it, have it all....

Dave: You name the street and I'll tell you everything you want to know....

Medbh: Early adopter.....

Queenie: norovirus, makes you go potty and sicky all at the same time......nice.....

Cakeo: That would indeed be my luck....

Flappy: Home early in the afternoon? Awh it's like when we used to have riots....

Minnow: I know all the excuses, one day I will use them.....one day......

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