Friday, 9 November 2007

I'm gonna fling my shit.....

you cant ignore the 500lb gorilla in the room
please don't

From Wikipedia:

If challenged by a younger or even by an outsider male, a silverback will scream, beat his chest, break branches, bare his teeth, then charge forward. Sometimes a younger male in the group can take over leadership from an old male. If the leader is killed by disease, accident, fighting or poachers, the group will split up, as the animals disperse to look for a new protective male. Very occasionally, a group might be taken over in its entirety by another male. There is a strong risk that the new male may kill the infants of the dead silverback.
Rumours abound that the overlords are considering hiring some new bloke as a waiter in the restaurant. I'm not quite at the shit flinging stage just yet but I peed in all the corners before I left tonight. As the only male working on the floor in the restaurant I feel my territory is being threatened. He'll be younger, thinner, better looking and can probably handle a night on the drink better than I can. He will offer to carry heavy boxes of wine for me and cheekily call me "grandad". He'll say things like, "What was it like before decimilastion?" and ask me if I like Phil Collins. Cunt, him and Phil Collins. Oh God I'm too old for any of this. He'll swoop in and take my lady customers away from me, my lovely flirty 50's. I'll be reduced to hanging round the bar polishing glasses and getting his drinks orders for him whilst he has the ladies sitting on his lap showing them his man dimples. That's my trick. Then someone suggested he could be gay. That would be even worse, gay waiters make so much more money from the ladies than straight waiters. They are funnier and look better in black than me. I can't cope with this.......

He is gonna steal my tables and kill my young......

crikey.....

Can I come and wait on you, if it all goes wrong? Huh can I?

Mr Johnny Young Balls
smoother than me
(we'll see)

Oh and when I was trying to deal with this news the Princess pointed out that that I wasn't the dominant male and that she and the other women in the restaurant weren't my biatches...

It's started all ready........

29 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

OK

1. The peeing in the corners will have to stop. It could be misconstrued as nerves about the interloper, or worse, incontinence.

2. How are you at breaking branches and bearing your teeth? I'm not looking for technique - more artistry: is it scary enough to make him poo in a public chafing dish?

3. If being scary doesn't work, well, then it'll have to be assassination, I'm afraid. I don't want to be an advocate for heinous killing or anything but sometimes murder is just what's best for everybody's tips. (Almost everybody's.)

Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

I'm not really interested in how you bear your teeth actually. More how you bare them.

For sheesh!

Upset Waitress said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
angela said...

aaawww. well you will still have your regulars. right?

right. :]

Pari said...

A dingo stole my table!

Anonymous Boxer said...

Don't be worried unless he starts a blog.. I may not be able to resist......

(hee)

tallulahbloom said...

There is only one Manuel - the new guy will be a quivering mess.

sheepworrier said...

the king is dead, long live the king!

Rosie Cheeks said...

you've overlooked the fact that he could be ugly, or incompetent, or both.

anyway, a little male solidarity on the floor can do no harm, eh?

ellie said...

Get yourself a large bar of Green and Blacks and take out the light bulb. You need a lot of comfort.

G&T coming up sir.

The new boy, because lets not forget that is what he will be, will need your guidence you will train him, he will admire you and when he is old he will remember serving his time under the greatest!

Old Knudsen said...

Fuck I hate Gorillas this knew guy has my vote I love him already.

Old Knudsen said...

New I meant NEW, see what you've done now? I hope yer happy.



I don't really hope yer happy by the way.

Conan Drumm said...

You need to Joe Pesci his ass, day one. Everything will be fine... unless he is related to the boss?

Manuel said...

Sam:
1. No I won't...I like it......
2. Yes, I can go quite feral if needs be...
3. We have some steep stairs, there might be an accident.mwahahahaha

Sam: Ha!

Upset: No naughty words like that....

Angela: I hope so....maybe......

Pari: Not the first time I'd say....

Boxer: That just hurts

Tallulahbloom: One of us will

Sheepo: Ha it's always good to know I have the support of the masses.....

Rosie: Yes, yes it can......

Ellie: The young un's don't want to learn.....

Old Knudsen: Bitch

Old Knudsen: Cant spell, bitch

Conan Drumm: The best advice I have received on anything ever.....I'm about the same height as Joe Pesci too

Mudflapgypsy said...

Assert your dominance from the get go. Keep him waiting, no pun intended, don't show him stuff until the last minute, anything to give you the psychological edge.
Do research on him, talk to his last employer, knowledge is power.

I'm on your side big man.

Manuel said...

Mudflapgypsy: You sir are a gentleman.....and shall be rewarded in waiter heaven....not til then mind...

Dave said...

So who was the alpha male when Eddie was around?
Were you not threatened by him?

Manuel said...

Fuck hell no! He was a bar monkey too, not a restaurant chap.....plus he's back again....grass is always greener .......

fatmammycat said...

You just need to mount him when you meet, that should set him straight.

Manuel said...

FMC: Crikey....there's an idea.....

savannah said...

snap out of it!

you KNOW the drill -

who's the man?

mauel's the man!


no fear, sugar!

Medbh said...

You have the experience and finesse that any green newbie waiter does not possess.
No threat.
And isn't it worse being called a boy or a tike than grandad?

Is it just me? said...

peeing in corners...I had wondered what Mr Isitjustme? was at before his last trip.
Manuel, have no fear...you RULE!

Upset Waitress said...

Hmmph. Naughty word? What naughty word?

Upset Waitress said...

Ohhhh you mean fa***t??? Hah. Part of my every day lingo. Didn't realize that Manuel. Forgive this foul mouthed waitress with rude American manners.

Curly K said...

You can wait on me anytime LOL! Never you mind, youngblood will never be as charming, witty or intelligent as yourself!

Manuel said...

Savannah: Yes you're right of course, I AM THE MAN....eek

Medbh: True.....

Is it? I love to pee in the corners....

Upset Waitress: Who loves ya babY? Manuel loves all the brothers .......and sisters....

Curly K: Very true......

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