Avoca Cafe & Foodhall Belfast

Review: Cafe

I went to: Avoca Cafe & Foodhall Arthur Street Belfast

On the: 8th of November

For: A quick lunch between shifts

I gorged on: Nothing, not one thing, nowt, zero, bugger all

And it was: Couldn't tell you, I've got no idea if the beautiful looking quiches were just that or if the rare roast beef was as tasty as it was tempting. Who knows? Not me!

The service was: A hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha what service?

It cost me: Nothing but wasted time. I'm not getting any younger and don't have time to waste.

I'll be going back: When the anger subsides and I find myself with a free 8 hours

And so it gets: It gets what I got, nothing......

Other words: Always one to try something new and having enjoyed the Avoca Irish Cookbooks I stormed the stairs to the foodhall of the new Avoca shop with gusto. I bypassed the clothes, the books, the very expensive novelty items and went straight for the food. I had an hour between shifts and wanted to treat myself to something nice for lunch. My normal split lunch consists of crisps, pre packed sandwich, couple of espressos and as many fags as I can smoke without being sick. There were plenty of people milling around the store, more browsing than buying. Avoca don't do cheap.

The food on offer looked fabulous. Lots of fresh baked breads, crisp salads, rare roast beef, rolled stuffed pork, a veritable feast of quiches, pies, and puddings. I was excited. I hopped from one foot to the other as I worked out what I was going to get for lunch. The lady in front of me in the queue had no such problem, she was getting what looked like two of everything. It was taking time but that was okay as I was still deciding between a beef sandwich and some quiche. The chap behind the counter wrapped each sandwich, each pastry topped pie and pudding with an exactitude that had me muttering, "OCD" under my breath. He rang the order up on the register took the payment and turned to me and asked me what I wanted. I said, "I'll have a sandwich please." But apparently he heard," I don't know what I want go ahead and serve somebody else I'll just stand here like a fucking lemon and scratch my fat ass whilst playing 'She'll becoming round the mountain' on my imaginary tin fucking whistle.Thanks." And he did.

Really, I said, "I'll have a sandwich please" to which he said "No problem." That seemed like a clear and reasonable exchange. But then as he was about to put his gloves on he changed his mind and served the old chap beside me! Well you can imagine how my mood had changed from one of excited anticipation to one of puzzlement followed sharply by one of seething anger. "Oh sorry..." he said "I'll be with you in a minute or two."

At first I reluctantly agreed to this shafting but quickly decided that I wasn't going to put with having the sanctity of the queue just abandoned. I counted up the minutes I had already spent in the queue and guessed how long the next punter was likely to take. I didn't have 4 hours to spend getting lunch. So I left, well not without voicing my dissatisfaction first. And as I walked away I could hear the chap behind the counter shouting his apology to me. Too late fella, too late.Oh and in case you are wondering I ended up with a sausage roll from a Spar Shop and a bottle of water. The "meat" in the sausage roll was a florescent red colour which was a bit strange. But back to Avoca, bad work people very bad work.......

This story made me giggle, Miami Airport has turned to the "good" folks at Disney to train it's staff in the art of good customer service.

Miami airport isn't the first to airport to sign up for the specialist training from the Disney Institute. Anyone who has had the great displeasure of having to use Belfast International Airport will know that it's been a Mickey Mouse operation for years. (Bet you didn't see that coming.)