Wednesday, 24 October 2007

There are happy stories too

shiny happy people
wear shiny happy shoes
not me though


I'm not always angry. I'm quite often a very happy person. It's just that some/a lot of people bring the hate out in me. Yesterday's story of Mrs Slovenly McGinBreath being a prime example and the story of Mrs Cuntish Bastard being another. In fact this blog will act as evidence for the prosecution when I finally do go mad and take a dining room full of customers out. And I mean out in the Hollywood sense. I mean it's one story after the other of moaning customers, moaning waiters, moaning chefs, and more moaning waiters. It's a wonder I go to work at all. Saying that I was very happy on Thursday night. I know you're thinking the tips must have been good, why else would he be happy? But it wasn't the tips alone. In fact the tips were just okay.

I had a walk-in of a table of four, 2 men and 2 women. At first I thought it was two couples out on a double date. But something didn't seem right. They were all trying too hard. And when one of the guys called one of the women Jenny only to be told her name was "Jane, you silly man" I realised that these were brand new "friendships." These men were very alpha. Striped shirts with cuff links, Blackberry's, pin stripe trousers and big booming voices. The alpha's work day uniform.

The lead alpha did most of the talking, someone has to be top dog and as he was wearing black patent shoes so clearly he was the top dog. He ordered the wine, a very nice bottle of Chablis which just happens to be our most expensive white wine, and a round of vodka and........Redbull. Classy mother fucker. He asked me my name and then continued to use it for the rest of the night like we were old buddies. I fucking hate that. But worst of all he ordered for the two ladies like they weren't there.

"She'll have the rib-eye medium with mash"

"I want chips."

"Actually Manuel give her chips will you."

As if he had decided the chips would be better for her. I wrote none of her order down without checking with her. I was talking to her as he was talking to me. Someone was getting ignored. He was ignoring her. I was ignoring him. She was ignoring him too. For himself he ordered the equivalent of the finest food stuffed with the second finest food. I cannot impress upon you enough how classy this guy thought he was when in fact he was a step down from white dog shit. The other lady was in the toilet when I was taking the order. She was in there for so long The Princess had to go in and check she wasn't slumped dead in a pool of her own mess from alcohol poisoning. But alpha ordered her chicken reasoning that "all women like chicken." Christ. Give me strength.

Food ordered and drinks served, I stood back and observed them from across the bar. The conversation was riveting. "What kind of cars do you own?" "I'm a size 8 but my boobs are huge!" (which they weren't, yes I checked!) "I've never been married have you?" "Do you two share a house?" "I bought my third house last week." "Yes, two gold cards actually." Now I know how the waiters in Socrates local tavern must have felt when he came into chill out at the end of a long days thinking.

More drink was ordered, more vodka and Redbull, doubles this time and another bottle of wine. Whenever the ladies got up to go to the bathroom they got their asses smacked by their gentlemen friend. Which is nice I'm sure. The Princess wandered up to join me in my observations/judging. "Sluts" she said and walked away. There is something about the way a woman says "slut" that is more cutting than when a man says it.

The food was served and surprisingly eaten too. I was sure the ladies would push their round the plate. I cleared their plates and took their sweets and coffee order. And this is when the sleaziest thing happened. The lead alpha dog ordered coffees for the two ladies saying, "I'm ordering you coffee so that you cant say I got you drunk." The implication being that he knew they might end up doing something they later regretted and he wanted absolved of any guilt in advance. You dirty sleazy bastard. I brought their coffees which was pointless as they ordered a round of Irish coffees as well.

The restaurant was closing when I asked them if the wanted anything else. "No Manuel, there is only one more thing I need tonight" said alpha dick. This caused the ladies to giggle and sent a cold shudder down my back. The thought of him having his "need" fulfilled was horrific in the extreme. But one of the ladies wasn't finished "Champagne! We need champagne!" Alpha couldn't say no. I could, but he couldn't. So it was through very grated teeth that I said, "Yes madam." Champagne served and champagne finished, in about ten minutes too. Someone really wanted to get his corked popped at home. I dropped the big fat bill down. They paid and tipped well too I may add. And of they popped.

Now where is the bit that made you happy I hear you ask? Well as I was leaving to go home I spotted the two lads but the ladies were no where to be seen. The two men looked a whole lot less alpha without their two escorts. In fact they look crestfallen. What had gone so dramatically wrong? The two men slumped into the back of a taxi and with that the two ladies came back round the corner with two completely new and bigger alpha dogs. And that, ladies and gentlemen, made me very happy, very happy indeed.

And anyway the other man was wearing sandals with his pin stripes. Sandals? What the fuck?

26 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

savannah said...

why am i smirking still? i do so love it when the mighty have fallen!

(i know, i'm being wrong on so many levels....*biting my tongue*)

angela said...

ooooh, mandals are never a good choice.

Manuel said...

Savannah: Oh I know what you mean.....

Angela: Mandals hahahaha

Anonymous Boxer said...

"white dog shit" Bwahahaha. Love that.

My BIL does the "what's your name" thing and I've always assumed a waiter HATES THAT CRAP. Now I know. Thanks. The next time I'm sliding down in my chair, I'll tell him "they hate it, stop it, stop it."

livesbythewoods said...

Next time I go out to dinner I am ordering "Your finest food, stuffed with your second finest food, please".

Mmmm-mmmmmm.

ellie said...

Dick! He deserved all that he got and a bit more.
I think you deserve a better class of clientele. This would never have happened at the Pancake House!

sheepworrier said...

It would never have happened at spuds either...

Aww, poor fellas away home to play soggy biscuit together.

Dave said...

Perhaps the 'other lady' was just 'powdering her nose' while you were taking the order?
mmmmm

Conan Drumm said...

Hmm, this is really interesting. I'm like a human calzone stuffed with questions.

I take it everyone spoke with local accents? Was loo princess on the phone, possibly offering excuses and arranging meet with les beaux for closing time? How close might it have come to a fracas on your doorstep, if the alpha dogs had encountered each other? If the 'princesses' were taking the alpha dogs for a ride short of a ride then they pretty much deserved all the chest-puffing and manhandling crap they got?

Mudflapgypsy said...

Now that story just made me smile.

I hate loud morons like that, and for them to be left panting.... absolutely priceless!

"Lower than white dogshit"-I haven't seen any of that in a long time.

Balckberrys may be a staus symbol but I'd rather not have to deal with email when I'm out and about.
Like an electronic tag they are.

Manuel said...

Boxer: It's not that I dislike it per se. But it's how it's used. Don't buddy up to me, don't use it like I'm your bitch, and don't try and impress people by pretending to know me....

LBTW: It's a line from the Simpson's, "Ah that'll be lobster stuffed with Tacos"

Ellie: True it wouldn't have......

Sheepster: Hahahahahaha. I dunno I've seen the same events play out in Spuds a few times. Just sway Champagne for a litre bottle of Fanta and off you go......

Dave: Throwing up according to my toilet people......

Conan Drumm: I'll be back to you in a moment.

Flapmaster: Electronic dick extension more like......

Deborah said...

Haha! Too funny... men like that suck! I went on a date once and he ordered for me. It was in a very cool restaurant in Chicago with a champagne bar in the ladies room (something that should be required I think) I excused myself to the loo, ordered Veuve Cliquot for everyone in there and then left leaving him with the bill. hehe...

Manuel said...

Deborah: That is just too funny hahahahahaha

Manuel said...

Conan Drumm: Let's take your questions point by point

1. Yes, but with plums, the men not the women that is.

2. Toilet spy says no, just good old fashioned chucking up. But saying that toilet spy wasn't in there on every occasion that toilet lady went in so maybe so...

3. My guys had the horn something shocking so there is every chance there could have been a rumble. Dog with a bone and all that...

4. Ach I see what you are saying but they way I see it is that two guys pulled two girls. They took them to dinner, bought them drinks. Does that mean they have the right to expect some sort of quid quo pro? A return on the men's investment if you will...?

Conan Drumm said...

No, not at all, just that it looks like the girls were on the make. And just because it's easy to take two horny hound dogs for a walk doesn't make it the right thing to do. They deserved each other, really, but it will only reinforce the bad attitude to women of the bill-paying alpha romeos.

MJ said...

All men sporting socks with sandals (mandals..ha!) should be denied entry to the restaurant.

What's that saying?

No shirt, no socks-with-sandals, no service?

Manuel said...

Conan Drumm: Oh I agree and what happens the next time the two oafs go out? Do they learn a lesson or do they take a more direct approach..?

MJ: I never saw the mandals until he got up to leave, obviously I would have taken him aside and had a quiet word........

Medbh said...

What bugs me about alpha dog is that he thought he was in charge and since he was spending so much that he was going to have the women double up on him.
And he was a total dick with the coffee order, suggesting that women cry rape afterwards or that they are not capable of consenting to have casual sex.
I really wish women wouldn't hang around losers just to get a meal. I paid my own way when I dated to avoid that kind of outrageous entitlement from men who think they buy you a steak so then they get to fuck you.

Manuel said...

Medbh: The coffee order freaked me out and what he was implying.....shudder...

Anonymous said...

you should have made sure the girls were okay b4 they left

The Little Cheese said...

Your happiness is my happiness senor Manuel.

yoyo said...

The men were morons for spending so much to try and bed these women. A prostitute would've been cheaper.

And as for the women? Not sluts, SLAAAAAGS!!

That's sick. People suck.

Upset Waitress said...

I've never heard of drunk sluts not putting out.

Freshblade said...

Hoors. Great story, Manuel, Sir.

Manuel said...

Anonymous: I see what you are saying but I think these ladies were more than capable of looking after themselves

Little Cheese: Yes it probably is.....

Yoyo: Yes, yes they do

Upset: Welcome, ah but this is Belfast, we do things differently....

FreshBlade: Ta ta!!

fgeegf said...

成人電影,情色,本土自拍, 情色聊天室, 寄情築園小遊戲, AV女優,成人電影,情色,本土自拍, A片下載, 日本A片, 麗的色遊戲, 色色網, ,嘟嘟情人色網, 色情網站, 成人網站, 正妹牆, 正妹百人斬, aio,伊莉, 伊莉討論區, 成人遊戲, 成人影城,
ut聊天室, 免費A片, AV女優, 美女視訊, 情色交友, 免費AV, 色情網站, 辣妹視訊, 美女交友, 色情影片 成人影片, 成人網站, A片,H漫, 18成人, 成人圖片, 成人漫畫, 情色網,
美女交友, 嘟嘟成人網, 成人貼圖, 成人電影, A片, 豆豆聊天室, 聊天室, UT聊天室, 尋夢園聊天室, 男同志聊天室, UT男同志聊天室, 聊天室尋夢園, 080聊天室, 080苗栗人聊天室, 6K聊天室, 女同志聊天室, 小高聊天室, 情色論壇, 色情網站, 成人網站, 成人論壇, 免費A片, 上班族聊天室, 成人聊天室, 成人小說, 微風成人區, 色美媚部落格, 成人文章, 成人圖片區, 免費成人影片, 成人論壇,
日本A片, 愛情公寓, 情色, 舊情人, 情色貼圖, 情色文學, 情色交友, 色情聊天室, 色情小說, 一葉情貼圖片區, 情色小說, 色情, 色情遊戲, 情色視訊, 情色電影, aio交友愛情館, 色情a片, 一夜情, 辣妹視訊, 視訊聊天室, 免費視訊聊天, 免費視訊, 視訊, 視訊美女, 美女視訊, 視訊交友, 視訊聊天, 免費視訊聊天室, 情人視訊網影音視訊聊天室, 視訊交友90739, 成人影片, 成人交友, 本土自拍, 免費A片下載, 性愛,
成人交友, 嘟嘟成人網, 成人電影, 成人, 成人貼圖, 成人小說, 成人文章, 成人圖片區, 免費成人影片, 成人遊戲, 微風成人, 愛情公寓, 情色, 情色貼圖, 情色文學, 做愛, 色情聊天室, 色情小說, 一葉情貼圖片區, 情色小說, 色情, 寄情築園小遊戲, 色情遊戲情色視訊, 情色電影, aio交友愛情館, 言情小說, 愛情小說, 色情A片, 情色論壇, 色情影片, 視訊聊天室, 免費視訊聊天, 免費視訊, 視訊美女, 視訊交友, 視訊聊天, 免費視訊聊天室, a片下載, aV, av片, A漫, av dvd, av成人網, 聊天室, 成人論壇, 本土自拍, 自拍, A片,成人電影,情色,本土自拍,