Wednesday, 25 July 2007

I would have made a great butcher

I was tagged an age ago by Cybez from the Bog Standard Blog and then by Other Manuel (original Manuel you could say) from Manuel Stimulation. I'm not sure what they want from me but here are 8 things about me. Specifically 8 other things I would have liked to have done if I wasn't so lucky to be a waiter.

1. As a child I was really into Lego. As a result I wanted to be an architect. Oh how the world would have been so very different if I had followed that through. All those lovely houses with yellow/blue/red bricks. Who wouldn't have wanted to live in one of those? Ever been to Craigavon? Take that Norman Foster, I could have been big man, so very big...

I made this, honest....

2. I spend a very high percentage of my available cash on music. If I'm not trawling ebay for rare and lovely vinyl I am talking about it and even listening to it and so on. Most of my chums are in bands or involved with music in some way. As a talentless oaf who can't even dance, despite years of ballet, or even play the spoons I was constantly relegated to carrying things in order to gain free access to their gigs. As a rule I wouldn't want to be a rock star, as Dave Pajo from Slint/Zwan/Papa M put it "I have tasted fame and it tastes like dog turd, just give me the money". That in mind I would have liked to have been a producer or manager. All the cash minus the hassle. Nice. Wouldn't kill anyone though, or allegedly kill anyone.

Manuel Spector.....

3. Now I know what you are thinking "All little boys want to be astronauts" but I didn't. Now I do, but not when I was a youngling. I mean I really really want to go into space. I would die happy if I could gaze upon the earth from the cockpit of a Space Shuttle. Not very likely I will make it unless I become a Russian Oligarch. So that said, I am likely to die very bitter and unfulfilled. Bitter I tells ye......

Cullybackey we have a problem....

4. I cant play chess. Never been able to learn. It's true I never tried to learn. But I would like to be a Chess Grand-master. They seem like a fun sort. Look at Bobby Fischer, he has millions of fun! As a Chess Grand-master you get to sit about all day wearing turtle neck shirts whilst stroking your chin in a wise and sage fashion. Saying that Deep Blue now works for American Airlines, handling ticket sales. That's a bit sad, and I wouldn't like that.

Knight 3 to prawn 4, you sunk my battleship!

5. I would have made a great revolutionary. Like Subcomandante Insurgente Marcos I would have got myself a handy gimmick so that the people would recognise me easier. Che had his hat and cigar, Marcos has his balaclava and pipe, I would have Adam Ant makeup and a Chuppa Chupp lolly pop. The kids wont remember Kojak so I would get away with it. Seriously though the pipe/balaclava thing is just brilliant. I haven't quite decided yet what I would be rebelling against but I would have lots of worthy sound bites that would fit nicely on t-shirts, hats, bumper stickers, and so on. Hey the revolution needs financed. Viva la General Manuel, Viva la T- Shirt sales!

Subcomandante Insurgente Manuel,
who says it's not me?

6. I lie awake at night thinking about what it would be like to own my own club/bar. I don't mean some modern soulless hell hole called Panda Panda or something equally shite. I mean a classy 1930's style swing club. I would really rather just go back in time to the roaring 30's. Classy suits, "dames", Louis Armstrong on piano, burlesque, vodka martinis, cigarettes in silver holders, the Charleston, big bands. God I want that so much. If there are any time lords out there is there any chance we could meet to discus how we make this happen?

Its not Rick's, it's Manuel's.....

7. I would have made a great butcher. You have licence to call people "Love" and "Dear". Butchers are jolly chaps with a penchant for cutting things up. What's not to love about that? It's good honest work and you get tins of beer as presents at Christmas. And think of the fun you could have on the bus on the way home as you sit there covered in blood with knives poking out of your bag! Magic stuff! Jesus, animals really don't stand a chance with me do they?

Here love I've got some lovely chops today...

8. Really I just want to be old. In a family were the men rarely make it past 60 it's the best I can hope for. It's not much to ask is it? I'm off for a smoke and to think about being old....
I have a dream.....

I'll not be tagging anyone back, so carry on as you were.....

13 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

Medbh said...

I would sooo go to "Manuel's" for a vodka martini and a smoke.
You don't want to be an astronaut, what with that whole diaper thing. Most humiliating, I would imagine.
Love your photoshop skills!

savannah said...

sugar, if you had a club, i'd start smoking again, cos lord knows i never quit drinkin! ;-)

Manuel said...

Medbh & Savannah: The club would be titled the same as my surname. Which you both know and would have to agree is classier than Manuel's! Ah more sweet dreams of me in a white dinner suit lighting smokes for the ladies and never finishing my drinks....

Old Knudsen 2.0 said...

If there are any time lords out there

You can't change the timeline unless its really cool, I keep telling you that. Life after 60 is great, the weemen want you 10 times more and you never feel the need to pee into a bottle cos yer old and lazy.

Fat Sparrow said...

People who wear ski masks in 100+ degree weather must be really, really devoted to their cause. Either that, or the sun's got to them and made them barmy. I believe the jury may still be out on that one.

Manuel said...

Old Knudsen 2.0: I will always feel the need to pee in a bottle, and not just cos I am old n lazy...

Fat Sparrow: Slipnot were certainly barmy....

gimme a minute said...

I'll teach you chess, but I only give lessons on roller coasters.

Manuel said...

GAM: Bwahahahahaha nice....

finn said...

can your surname be classier than Chinky Charlie's?

Manuel said...

Finn: Oh yes, but only just!

Manuel Estimulo said...

Muchas gracias Other Manuel for answering the meme boolocks. Is demonstrates for everyone that we are two totally different peoples.

Manuel said...

Manuel estimulo: So invitation or what?

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