It's not just cash, there's singing too

black is the colour of my true waiter's hair
You're so money...

I had another hen party last Saturday. I wasn't going to let my previous experience of hen parties put me off. And more importantly why should the nearly married young ladies of Belfast miss out on the joy and fun that is being served by Manuel.

Hen parties are good craic. The participants, for the most part, are up for a laugh and I see it as my role to add to that. Others maybe happy just to bring food and drink to and from the table, but not me. I see my role as being the one who has to "take it" for the male gender. By "take it" I mean jokes and the like were men are the punchline and so on. Not actually "take it" in a penetrative way. All though....(that's just a joke honey bunny)

From my point of view there are 4 people who need the most attention to ensure a good hen party.

First you have the hen herself, you need to make her feel all important and tell her how lucky her betrothed is and tell her how wonderful she looks (that's not always easy as last weeks "lady" proved). And I think it's very important not to let her get too drunk too early. Whilst the rest of the table is trying to pour all sorts of dodgy cocktails down her I like to act as the counter balance to that and keep a jug of water close to her during the meal. Finding yourself face down in a plate of pasta by 8.30 is not what anyone wants.

Next is the organiser. She is usually the sister or best friend of the hen. She chose the restaurant so if it goes wrong it's all her fault, then mine. These people are almost always stressed out. I like to get to them early and get a drink into them and get them calmed down. There is only room for one control freak in the restaurant and I have that role all sewn up thank you. The organiser is also the one that handles the bill, so for obvious reasons it's important to keep her sweet.

Then you have the mothers! Both have different emotions on the hen night. The mother of the bride is proud of her daughter and her upcoming marriage. She might get a bit teary during the night. Then you have the mother of the groom. She may not have met her future daughter-in-law's friends so this can be a real eye-opener for her. Sometimes you notice them rolling their eyes as someone makes a rude or suggestive comment, or tries to remove my python from my trousers. (Python-hahahahahahahaha-LMM) I like to look after the older ladies most of all. The younger ones just need a steady supply of brightly coloured alco-pops, the older ladies need a bit more loving than that. I like to relax them with one of my cheesy/sleazy lines. "Gin and Tonic madam? Have you and ID as it's over 21 here for alcohol". Never fails to get a laugh. I am so money after that.

Last weeks hen was a good one. Good organiser, sober-ish hen, and good guests. They were dining in our private room so the were able to make a bit more noise than they would if they had been in the restaurant. They told stories after the meal and then they started a little singsong. One guest was an accomplished singer and she took over the entertainment. It was all a little formal for some who made their excuses and headed for the toilet. I was lurking in the shadows waiting for a break in the singing so I could clear the table. But I was spotted. They gave me a little round of applause and then sang a song for me. Now that would have been fine but they made me take a seat in front of them whilst they all sang to me. I was redder that Lenin by then end of the song. And what did they sing?

"Black is the colour of my true love's hair!"

For a bald man that is a bit cheeky! Huh! All I could think was is this song in lieu of tip? Thankfully it wasn't and they left 20%.
God bless hen parties.

And strawberry blond is the colour of my true love's hair...