Wednesday, 6 June 2007

dat plAc iz dirty. dun Et ther

the time has come to say "goodbye" my little friends

Belfast City Council are, today, launching a system that allows you, the great dirty, unwashed, masses (or customers as you are better known) access to Environmental Health Reports for restaurants, bars, cafes, school canteens, well anywhere that sells/makes food. Oh what fun that's going to be! Mark my words there will be tears before bedtime.


It' all part of the SCORES ON THE DOORS programme which intends to raise standards in food outlets by essentially naming and shaming those dirty little hovels that don't care if there's more than cheese and ham in your lunchtime bagel.

I don't really have a problem with this, yet. I'm sure it will impact on me over the next few weeks thus causing a change of mood . Yet more ammunition for pain in the arse customers to use when they are trying to get out of paying for something. But what is annoying me is the fucking name they have chosen for this scheme, "SCORES ON THE DOORS"! For fucks sake could they not have come up with something less patronising than that. It's all so cringe worthy.

The only people that use that phrase these days are taxi drivers and postmen and spides. Spides are great big fans of such phrases, that, and other phrases such as "How's it hanging?", "Wah?", "Here's me wah..." and so on. It is so patronising it is almost beyond words. You see the clever bit is that they want restaurants and bars etc to put a sticker on their front door with their rating. See what they did there? The Scores will actually be on the doors. AAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHH! Cunts!

But it gets better. You can visit their fancy new website and while away the minutes/hours searching for your favourite restaurants and takeaways. It's all there, in detail should you want it (well it's not all there yet but will be soon apparently). Soon you wont want to eat out anywhere in Belfast save for the Clonard Monastery Youth Club or Starbucks (both got the full five star rating). I suppose this is the "Scores on the PC" section. Not so catchy.

But, wait, they ain't done yet! There's more. Picture the scene, you are out with your lovely lady/man/ladyman and you like the look of the quaint little restaurant, but damn it there is no Score on the Door, what do you do? Never fear the wonderful people at Belfast City Council Food Safety Department have you covered. Just text them the name and location of the restaurant and they will text you right back with the details. Thanks Food Safety Department guy, we could have walked into a rat infested flea pit! Or not as the case maybe. Lets hope that there aren't a dozen teenagers manning a bank of mobile/cell phones at the other end,

"dat plAc iz dirty. dun Et ther m8"

or you might get

"dat plAc iz rly clEn. Go 4 it & hav a gr8 nyt m8"

I'm only slegging as the spides might say. It is probably a good idea, but I shall reserve judgement until it impacts on me. Chefs are under more pressure though, which is nice. Less time for them to think up cruel and nasty things to do to me and more time to be spend mopping and the such like. Nice.

The restaurant where I work isn't listed yet before you ask.

12 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

paddy said...

Maybe it might catch on to a people tag. I see you got a top score badge- fancy a drink.
Y;-) Paddy

Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

What are the criteria though? What's the grading scale like? I guess what I mean is, if a restaurant gets a C, does that mean there are toenails in the salad. or that the chicken was unrefrigerated for more than 30 seconds?

tallulahbloom said...

'Scores on doors' is a dreadful dreadful name!On the other hand it does ryhme!

ellie said...

"Scores on the doors" wasn't that the catch phrase from the Generation Game when Larry Grayson and Isla St Clare did it.
Ekkkkkkkkk I have just aged myself there.
I'm not sure I want to know the score, I need to know the restaurant is not substandard an the fact that it is granted a licence to trade should be enough. If you are having an operation does it help to know if your surgeon was top or bottom of his class in his finals?

Lobster Boy said...

Thanks for the link!

Lobster Boy
Red Lobster Blog

Medbh said...

The problem is that the scores don't mean all that much than to tell you how the restaurant rated on inspection. So what? They cleaned the place up to get a good score and then let the rats back in. It's not like there's an army of inspectors making sure that the score on the door is accurate.

Nice texting, btw.

Manuel said...

paddy: That made me laugh hard. It would make things so much easier

Sam: Was thinkinh much the same. I would like to think that if the place is a shit hole then it shouldn't be open...

Tallulahbloom: Yes the finest minds in Belfast came up with that. I bet they all looked smug and back slapped each other after. Cunts

ellie: ha ha ha, correct!

lobster boy: Your welcome, now make with the link back lobster boy or you are for the pot, mmmmmmmmmmmmmm lobster

medbh: thx medbh, i got it off a websIt dat transl8z txtz 4 thOs of us Ovr 30

Old Knudsen said...

you work in a KFC in Lisburn, the one with the raw chicken.

Lee said...

They have something like that in Melbourne but I can't say I have ever paid any attention to the certificates. (Thinks: will have to look it up and see what they are called.) Usually they are for the small take-away places.

To my mind, if the restaurant is a health hazard, it shouldn't be open. All else is subjective.

I used to part-own a Public Analyst lab here and we once had a group of Health Officers hold their regional meeting at the lab. They had the cheek to say our kitchen area would not pass their inspection. But they ate our biscuits and drank our coffee though.

savannah said...

http://www.lapublichealth.org/rating/

it's happening all over the usa, sugar..i chose la cos i remembered where to find the link...

Manuel said...

Old K: ha, that'll teach 'em. Not their first time either, cunts.

lee: correct, my point is that most places are expected to get a 2 or 3 star rating.Now your average punter is not going to look favourably on a 2/3 star rated place. Everybody wants 5 stars! The only places i could find on the new list with five stars are the places that have just opened or works canteens, and a starbucks!

Savannah: I knew i had some one to blame...

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