Saturday, 2 June 2007

I'm so proud...and drunk..and skint...but proud

Pint of Harp mate
school was a bitch today...


What would you spend ₤47,000 on? A flash car? Put it towards a holiday home in Donegal? Invest it for the kiddies future? Well if you are from Belfast you will probably piss it down the toilet or throw it up outside the pub! Nice.

A report published by the alcohol awareness and rehabilitation website Perry Clayman Project has revealed that people in Belfast spend ₤47,000 on booze over the period of their lives. This is more than anywhere else in the UK. Cambridge came a piss(ed) poor second with a paltry spend of £40,939. Wimps.

The top ten pished cities

1. Belfast
2. Cambridge
3. Leeds
4. Leicester
5. Manchester
6. London
7. Sheffield
8. Bristol
9. Aberdeen
10. Cardiff

Makes you proud eh? We may not have won our bid for European City of Culture but we won the fight after. Now when you think about how many God botherers there are in Belfast who prefer a big pint of Jesus to a pint of harp(ic) it really means that the rest of us are spending even more than the ₤47,000. The next bar to my restaurant had a "healthy" queue outside it at half ten this morning which is testament to the reports findings.

But don't rush to condemn us too quickly. What else was there to do over the last three decades? We only got some decent shops in which to spent our beer tokens, sorry I mean money, in a few years ago. A wander round Belfast "City" centre a few years back would have lasted but 15 minutes, unless you were captivated by the C&A range of smart casuals. And what past times we indulged in as a people were no good unless you were off your mind on a bottle of Buckfast or a four pack of Special Brew. Have you ever rioted sober? I think not!

All joking aside, when you consider that earnings in the North of Ireland are amongst the lowest in the UK this report isn't good reading. My boss was chirpier today though as he greeted the booze hounds who keep him in BMW style.

Does that mean I work in a very successful industry? Should I be getting paid more? Am I sober now?

12 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

Fat Sparrow said...

Never mind all that. I like the new Blog Header. Did you just put that up, or am I a thick fuck, and have been staring at it for days?

Manuel said...

Its been up since Sunday. I am rather chuffed with it. I had to explain the Scarface reference to LMM.

Medbh said...

How do they even measure that? Through drink sales?
On the flip side, doesn't Belfast have the lowest crime rate in the UK?

Manuel said...

Good point Medbh. N.Ireland is one of the safest places to live in the world according to the UN. But that is based on recorded crime. A whole lot of crime aint recorded and is "dealt with" if you know what I mean.

Old Knudsen said...

Recorded crime thats funny.

Its getting to the point where people will sue rather than fight and the police won't ge allowed to cuff a wanker around the ear for talking back. The Yanks and their ghey culture have a lot to answer for.

#1 Yay!

Old Knudsen said...

I had to explain the Scarface reference to LMM

And thats why you blog.

Bock the Robber said...

That's serious drinkin there, mucker.

Like you say, when there's fuck-all else to do only riot, you might as well get pissed.

These days, I suppose, with increased prosperity, they slug a better class of drinkahol on the canal banks at night. Classier pissheads.

whyioughtta said...

Reason #972 for me to visit Ireland, Belfast in particular. God love yaz.

p.s. I often wonder how hilarious real Belfastians (wd?) would find our "Irish pubs" over here...and belive me, there's a disproportionate number of them in this town. All with names like "Paddy Bolands" and "The Heart and Crown" and "D'arcy McGee's" (well actually D'arcy McGee was a Canadian prime minister, but still...).

Medbh said...

Excellent point, Manuel.
I forgot about all the people limping around Belfast.

Fat Sparrow said...

Whyioughtta -- The Spouse Sparrow is from Belfast, and he thought they were hilarious when he first came over here to So Cal. He had to explain to the owner of the local wanna-be pub that NI was part of the UK, and ROI was a separate country. NI'ers are the Rodney Dangerfields of the UK and Ireland. They get no respect.

Americans have a reputation for being thick fuckers, and we come by it honest.

Er, by the way Manuel, sorry this thick fucker didn't notice the header sooner. It's brilliant. The part where you had to explain it to LMM is just the icing on the cake.

Manuel said...

Old K: Why sue someone when you can pop down to your local advice centre and have someone with a wolly face deal with it? Eh?

Indeed!

Bock: no no, same scum just more cash.

wio: There was an Irish pub in FAMILY GUY called WIFEY MC BEATTIES. Brilliant

medbh: Correct, limping. But that doesnt work. Rough justice dealt out by nasty little men with shit big egos.

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