Friday, 18 May 2007

That "Friday" Feeling

show some decorum you tosser
its only a Friday

Never had it. Never really knew the joy of finishing work at 4 on a Friday safe in the knowledge that I wouldn't be back to work until Monday. Your Friday is my Monday, if you know what I mean.

But this weekend is different. I'm off Saturday and Sunday and I have every intention of ripping the arse clean out of it. This will be my first Saturday off this year. I will tell you this is due to my dedication to the job and all that jazz, others will say that I am a tip whore who can't bear to be off on a Saturday. Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn. You can keep your cash this weekend, I'm spending mine.

The plans are as follows...

...Saturday morning will start early-ish and after the customary ablutions I shall off myself to the corner shop and purchase my Saturday Guardian, and all the required products for a fry up. A little time shall be set aside in the morning to lavish love and hugs on Little Miss Manuel. But as soon as Football Focus starts the love shutters will be slammed shut and I shall immerse myself in the "magic" of the FA Cup.

Many cigarettes shall be smoked and a bottle or two of cider shall be quaffed whilst watching the match, a match that shall see the Red Shirted chaps of Manchester United reign supreme.

Following a victory lap of the backyard and much texting and phoning of non-United supporting friends I shall begin the ritual for going out, showering, yes 2 showers in one day, shaving, plucking nasal hair, changing 2/3 times, and swearing as LMM hasn't arrived. Then its off to one of Belfast's finer restaurants for a beautiful evening of fine food, wine, and G&T's. The gamekeeper turns poacher if you will.

We then will retire to a local hostelry for a few more beverages and civilised chit chat inevitably ending up at about three o'clock in the morning face down in the bathroom in a pool of my own piss and vomit.

if I don't end up like this chap
I shall be very disappointed indeed

Sunday will be a quiet day of reflection, and most probably self loathing. But Little Miss Manuel's blog will go live at some point on Sunday so we have to get up at a reasonable time. I know its what you want so like a good waiter I shall serve it for you with a basket of bread and a smile.

She will be offering an Agony Aunt type of service and will volunteer her expert knowledge on you and your lives whether you want it or not. It's all so exciting, who will be first to get a gold star on the star chart? Who will be on the naughty step first? Anybody who needs advice just send her an email. I promise not to get involved, much.

Just one more twelve hour shift to go.

it's been 3 months since I've had one of these
3 long, dry months

Tally ho...

18 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

Old Knudsen said...

3 months? after the first bottle of Olde English you'll be best fucking mating everyone and passed out before 9pm.

Old Knudsen said...

I sent her my troubles, you may need to help her with it.

savannah said...

have an absolutely delish weekend, sugar!

Kav said...

Enjoy it sir, sounds like it's badly needed.

Charlie said...

... slacker! Your restaurant will fall apart and will no doubt end in you having to return to work on sunday because one of the waitresses has mauled another waitress late on the saturday!
Enjoy your weekend :D!

paddy said...

Have a blast man!

Anonymous said...

i reckon he's pished all the time the liar!

Anonymous said...

I got some advice for LMM's blog, Men, never put your socks on before your monks, makes us look like chickens!! Scary chickens!!

Medbh said...

Again with the assault upon my eyes!
Have a lovely sodden weekend, Manuel. Remember to re-hydrate.

Conortje said...

Have a brilliant weekend - If you do end up like yer man in the photo make sure nobody is around with a camera! Am very excited about LMM's blog. Roll on Sunday.

Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

I thought I recognised that bum there for a second but it was just a strange cast of the light.

Have a belter of a weekend, Manuel, you deserve it.

Looking forward to LMM's new agony blog. Sounds great!

JD said...

Just a heads-up - apparently the BBC's coverage starts at 6am.

So you'd better get lavishing that TLC pretty early if you want to catch the full build up.

Have a great time.

Manuel said...

Old K: Thats the real plan

Savanah:Awh cheers

Kav: Cheers Kav, and you too.

Charlie: Play nice! Awh fuck it, go crazy...

Paddy: will do!

Anon1: bate it up ye

Anon2: Thats good advice there, a chicken witha BIG droopy beak

Medbh: Water at the ready

conortje: 2 days to go eh!

Sam: thanks! LMM is all excited, bless

jd: thats 5 hours away! ffs!

Little Miss Manuel said...

Is that right? We shall just see fat boy. There are dishes, laundry, hoovering, you get the point. Think on

fatmammycat said...

We too will be basking in the glory that is the FA cup, also there might be some beer, and there will definitely be fry-up.
Why Manuel, we could be kin!

Fat Sparrow said...

"face down in the bathroom in a pool of my own piss and vomit."

And you're going to pay good money for that?

Manuel said...

I would have, yes!

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