Wednesday, 9 May 2007

So who's a Mr Pink then?

Just found the pubic hairs in your coffee eh?

Okay, everybody cough up green for
the little lady.

Everybody whips out a buck, and throws it on the table.
Everybody, that is, except Mr. White.

C'mon, throw in a buck.

Uh-uh. I don't tip.

Whaddaya mean you don't tip?

I don't believe in it.

You don't believe in tipping?

I love this kid, he's a madman,
this guy.

Do you have any idea what these
ladies make? They make shit.

Don't give me that. She don't
make enough money, she can quit.

Everybody laughs.

I don't even know a Jew who'd have
the balls to say that. So let's
get this straight. You never ever

I don't tip because society says I
gotta. I tip when somebody
deserves a tip. When somebody
really puts forth an effort, they
deserve a little something extra.
But this tipping automatically,
that shit's for the birds. As far
as I'm concerned, they're just
doin their job.

Our girl was nice.

Our girl was okay. She didn't do
anything special.

What's something special, take ya
in the kitchen and suck your dick?

They all laugh.

I'd go over twelve percent for

Look, I ordered coffee. Now we've
been here a long fuckin time, and
she's only filled my cup three
times. When I order coffee, I
want it filled six times.

What if she's too busy?

The words "too busy" shouldn't be
in a waitress's vocabulary.

Excuse me, Mr. White, but the last
thing you need is another cup of

They all laugh.

These ladies aren't starvin to
death. They make minimum wage.
When I worked for minimum wage, I
wasn't lucky enough to have a job
that society deemed tipworthy.

Ahh, now we're getting down to it.
It's not just that he's a cheap

--It is that too--

--It is that too. But it's also
he couldn't get a waiter job. You
talk like a pissed off dishwasher:
"Fuck those cunts and their
fucking tips."

So you don't care that they're
counting on your tip to live?

Mr. White rubs two of his fingers together.

Do you know what this is? It's
the world's smallest violin,
playing just for the waitresses.

You don't have any idea what
you're talking about. These
people bust their ass. This
is a hard job.

So's working at McDonald's, but
you don't feel the need to tip
them. They're servin ya food, you
should tip em. But no, society
says tip these guys over here, but
not those guys over there. That's

They work harder than the kids at

Oh yeah, I don't see them cleaning

These people are taxed on the tips
they make. When you stiff 'em,
you cost them money.

Waitressing is the number one
occupation for female non-college
graduates in this country. It's
the one jab basically any woman
can get, and make a living on.
The reason is because of tips.

Fuck all that.

They all laugh.

Hey, I'm very sorry that the
government taxes their tips.
That's fucked up. But that ain't
my fault. it would appear that
waitresses are just one of the
many groups the government fucks
in the ass on a regular basis.
You show me a paper says the
government shouldn't do that, I'll
sign it. Put it to a vote, I'll
vote for it. But what I won't do
is play ball. And this non-
college bullshit you're telling
me, I got two words for that:
"Learn to fuckin type." Cause if
you're expecting me to help out
with the rent, you're in for a big
fuckin surprise.

He's convinced me. Give me my
dollar back.

Everybody laughs. Joe's comes back to the table.

Okay ramblers, let's get to
rambling. Wait a minute, who
didn't throw in?


(to Mr. Orange)
(to Mr. PINK)

He don't tip.

(to Mr. Orange)
He don't tip?
(to Mr. PINK)
You don't tip? Why?

He don't believe in it.

(to Mr. Orange)
He don't believe in it?
(to Mr. PINK)
You don't believe in it?


(to Mr. Orange)
Shut up!
(to Mr. PINK)
Cough up the buck, ya cheap
bastard, I paid for your goddamn

Because you paid for the
breakfast, I'm gonna tip.
Normally I wouldn't.

Whatever. Just throw in your
dollar, and let's move.
(to Mr. Blonde)
See what I'm dealing with here.
Infants. I'm fuckin dealin with

from Reservoir Dogs
or watch it here

So are you a Mr Pink? Do you suffer from entitlement issues? Do you start the tippometer when you walk into a restaurant? Be brave and share your "tipping policy" with Manuel, because everyone has one. I ask out of genuine interest. Whilst I earn a damn good wedge through tips I am always and I mean always after more. Any God damn waiter that says they are doing this job to meet interesting people or because it offers them flexible hours is a liar. IT'S ALL ABOUT THE CASH! So make with the "tipping policy" people.

26 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

ellie said...

Ok I will be brave here and go first.
I don't eat out often, I'm petrified of tipping and getting it wrong. Usually work on 15% to 20% of the bill (depending on how pleasant the waiter/waitress is)and then round it up to the nearest £5 or £10. Please don't condemn if I'm doing this wrong... It scares hell out of me.
I even leave a tip if the food isn't great or the service is bad. I mean it really, really scares me.

Steve said...

Generally, I tip 20% at a full service restaurant for decent service. If the service is really good, I'll bump it up to 25%, or 30% if it's really awesome. If I didn't think it was up to snuff, I'll tip 15% max. I know some of you guys work for half of the normal minimum wage, so tipping is pretty much necessary to ensure that you make any kind of living.

There's only one time I ever stiffed a waitress, and I had a really good reason (going on a smoke break while I was waiting on a coffee refill for 15 minutes).

If it's a buffet-style restaurant, I'll tip 15% as long as I don't have to ask to get drink refills. I think that's fair.

Fat Sparrow said...

I waitressed back in my student days, and so I generally tip decently. 15% if the service was decent, 20% for exceptional. If the service was piss poor, and I mean really, repeatedly piss poor, I will not only not tip, but I will tell the manager. If the service was exceptional, I will also tell the manager.

After being a sales rep for a number of years, with constant lunches and dinners and conventions and what-not, I have come to the realization that most Americans have no idea how to tip, nor can they do basic math. They can do 10%, or they can do 20%, but they're fucked if you ask them what 15% of the bill is. When you're picking up lunch for a client, you had fucking well better be shmoove, or you're going to lose the account. You may put the meal on the company credit card, but you lay down the tip in cash, and write up that expense report. Otherwise, if your client's a man, they may feel compelled to leave a little something on the table, just in case you "forgot," and that makes you look bad.

Plus, I don't know how it is now, but back in the day (of carbon paper credit card receipts), I had a manger who wouldn't give us our credit card tips until they went through, usually in a month, and then he would conveniently forget to tally our tips or even give them to us.

Oh, and in my experience, whether I've been in a group that chips in for a tip, or as a waitress, men tip better than women, statistically speaking and in general, of course.

And I put money in the tip jar at the local Chinese takeout place because they know I do, and will pile on the extra food. A little good-will up front for a place that you go to frequently goes a long way.

And assholes (it seems to always be men) who insist on subtracting the sales tax from the total, and then tipping on the subtotal, are fucking wankers, and can kiss my brown hole. It's just mean-spirited, is what it is.

toast said...

First up - i tip, i always tip and i'm ashamed to admit i sometimes even tip if the service is bad.... BUT... i might be wrong here but is tipping something that has 'come over' from our friends in the oul country (america) ? and something that we do here because its what we see on tv? Now please correct me if i'm wrong but i don't really remember a long history of tipping in the 'regular' cafes, back in what we called 'the day'. (That said back in the day me and my grubby little schoolfriends were being thrown out of the coffee shops of ballymena and coleraine for sitting for 3 hours with one coffee between 8 of us)

But heres the thing - and its mentioned in that dialogue as well - the service in the states is different... coffee refills is just one, but in my experience all over the states, from NYC to one horse towns in the mid-west the service was generally superb - and worth tipping.

Not always the case here in britain or ireland, a disinterested point towards the UHT when you ask for milk and a request for £1.50 if you ask for a refill.

If coffee (or tea) refills aren't a given right then neither are tips - thems the rules

Anonymous said...

heres a tip for you, dont eat yellow snow. Leagalised begging is what it is, is what it is

Anonymous said...

I don't agree with the policy of forced tipping ie, you go for a meal and the restaurant tells you they're adding on a percentage of your total bill (usually 5%-10%). Us people that work in shops or banks or building sites bust our balls in our jobs too but we dont get tax free additions in our wages for doing our job well. On the other hand i dont mind tipping if the service is good. In the above mentioned scenario you can go for a meal, get shit service, food crap, chef masturbates in your soup, and still have to fork out a mandatory 'service charge'. Now waitresses are different, if they show a bit of tats and slightly brush said tats on your shoulder whilst serving/clearing away then they deserve a tip, a smoking hot red tip if your lucky (boom boom). And a question for Manuel, as in the tv show Faulty Towers do you have your very own Basil, Cybill and Polly?

Little Miss Manuel said...

You should all tip him 20%. He needs the money for my birthday in August. I need new kittens and bows and little fluffy things. Ta ta

fatmammycat said...

I eat out a LOT and -because I worked in some of the shitiest bars ever in my youth-I always bloody tip and tip well. The only time I didn't tip when my waiter was a complete knob jockey and was rude and even went as far as to accuse one of my party-a vegatarian- of lying about ordering a meat dish (shredded beef he arrived with). Him I didn't tip, him, he was lucky he didn't get my foot up his ass.
But other than that, tip you miserable shits, tip.

toast said...

laughing quite a bit at LMMs profile...

Medbh said...

Tipping well generates good karma.

I worked in the biz for 13 years and depended on tips to live as the hourly wage was so low to only cover the taxes on reported tip income.

I leave 15% for bad service.
20% for average service.
30% or more for superior service.

When I was in Galway recently I was told that 10% was the appropriate amount to leave on our party of 8 and I argued the waiter's case up to a 20% tip, which he did indeed get.

canadian sadie said...

Minimum 15% is standard with me. Good service is 20+, depending on the day and the quality of service. Some people claim that they 'can't afford to tip'. As far as I'm concerned, if you can't afford to tip? You can't afford to eat out. Also, be aware of how you tip in a group setting. Somehow, somewhere, the server always gets screwed in larger groups. So I know that I always end up topping-off the tip-pile. I have learned to always request separate cheques, but to double the tip on my portion in order to compensate a little bit for my cheapskate associates.

Manuel said...

Thank you all for responding, except for that first billy no name, you can lick the back of my balls you tosser. And i'd serve you all, anytime!

I aint gonna tell you what to tip. Its up to you. Tips are the main if not only reason why people work in this industry. I certinaly wouldn't do it if it wasn't for the cash.

The only thing I would say is that wait staff in particular earn less than bar staff etc as we are expected to get tips. Tips are taxed and credit card tips are a massive pain in the rear, but better than no tip.

The best advice regarding tipping is, if you cant fold it, dont tip it.

So make like LMM said and leave 20 on top. hehehehehe

Ellie: your in

Steve: youre in too

Fat Sparrow & Toast: Yes I'd serve you two

anon1: wanker

anon2: Service charges are not mandatory, you do not have to pay it and you dont have to justify your reason for not paying it. You'll probably never get a table again but hey. As for your point about people who work in shops etc, you guys get bonuses etc, we dont! You probably get proper breaks etc, we dont. I have a big cock which works in the same way as having big tats. Honest.

LMM: Love you baby.


Canadian Sadie: Love serving Canadians, good people who tip weel. Had a table of 20 then other night, good guys, drank loads and left a bundle. Quality.

Old Knudsen said...

I don't tip, just leave my food at the kitchen and I'll carry it, I can fill up me own cup too.

Manuel said...

Old K: I'm not really surprised. But I wouldn't want you hobbling all over the restaurant and geting in the way so I'd help you out. help the aged and all that...

Sydney said...

in a bar i tip $1 a drink, more if i know the bartender.
10% on take out
15% for ok service
20% for decent service
Up from there for great service
I also tip more in a sushi bar because the servers split tips with the chefs
And if the bill is between $10 and $25 I always leave a five
I figure even if the service wasn't that great it'll be better next time around because they'll remember me

Anonymous said...

just so you know that's Mr.Pink not Mr.White

Manuel said...

Cheers! Copy n paste eh!?

Jo said...

I have to ask, what sort of tip do waiters generally expect from customers who are clearly still at school? I like to go out with my friends for birthdays, but we definitely can't afford to tip 20% when we earn minimum wage ourselves (if people will emply us at all).

We generally leave around 10%, does this mean the waiters hate us?

Manuel said...

jo: if you spend less money on justin cds and bubble gum then you can give 20%. Only joking. Listen it works slightly different in the Uk and Ireland. 10% here is cool. No one would hate you for it at all. The US is different, those guys need the money. But a tip, even if small, is better than no tip. And even just asking puts you a head of the rest. I'd serve you..

Anonymous said...

I'm Canadian, and the way I tip is this... 10% or less for really crappy service. This has only occured once in my memory. 15% for good service. 20% or more for "OMG I LUV YOU" experiences. :) That's happened only about twice. So, generally, 15%. That's the average in Canada - our minimum wage is MUCH higher than the states.

yoyo said...

I only just read this.
I'm in the UK. There's this beautifull thing called the National Minimum wage, which means waiter and waitresses are getting, mimimum of £5.50ph, or there about.

I wont tip because I feel I have to. That's bullshit. If they're earning as much as a normal person there's no need to give them more.
I will however tip if my server has been friendly or atleast halfway polite.

But the minimum wage makes it a bit embarassing that tipping has become almost somehow obligatory here.
Are we meant to tip the workers at Subway also? And if you're tipping because people bring your food to you, shouldnt you be tipping the cooks and chefs also? They're the ones making the food!
Do you tip your barista when she makes your coffee? Do you tip your bus driver as he struggles through heavy traffic and crazy taxi drivers to get you to your destination?

I'm horrified when I hear stories from abroad, in countries where there's no minimum wage and servers literally do have to try and survive on the tips they get. That's evil, and it has to be stopped!

So yeah, I'll tip you if you're friendly and nice and dont treat me like crap or laugh at me with your mates. But I'm not going to top up your wages if you're earning a decent wage allready.

Anonymous said...

Popped over from Waiter Rant...
Tossing my two cents into the ring.

Seems it's different here in the US than other parts of the world. Our servers make less than half of minimum wage (last time I checked, not sure that is still 100% accurate). Depending on the establishment - the one step up from the "greasy spoon" type diner - start at 15% work up or down depending on service - service not food - min 10% unless the server needs to quit and get a new job! I understand servers have little control over the cooks. Higher class chain - start at 20% and work up or down according to service. I don't do the Upper Scale places often - can't afford them.

Service: I expect my order correctly. I expect it in a reasonable amount of time. (Especially when I can see it sitting in the pickup window and see you are just chatting with co-workers!) I expect you to check back a few minutes after food delivered to make sure everything is okay and I expect drink refills in a timely fashion. I expect all of this with a pleasant attitude. I don't expect anyone to be kissing my arse, but I also won't tolerate someone taking out their bad day on me. I don't think I expect too much.

Bar tenders again depend on the establishment. I tend to frequent the member's only clubs more often than true bars - I even bartend at one. These types of clubs, depends on the bartender, the service and how long I'm there - but an evening out is usually $5 (drinks are roughtly $1.50). If I'm only out for one or then it's usually a buck or two. When I'm bartending I usually bring in about 20% on a good night and I've done as well as %30 on an extremely busy night - the regulars tend to take better care of you on those nights knowing the assholes won't.

These are just my general guidelines however, I've left the 3 cent insult tip with a complaint to the manager, and I've left a tip that was more than the bill. Both were deserved.

Not sure how that converts for you, but that's how my tip meter usually works.


Ashlee said...

I wait tables at a small diner in Michigan, and my hourly wage is $4.60. Tips are necessary, and getting stiffed is infuriating. From knowing what that's like, I usually tip 18-20%, more or less depending on service.

banquet manager thatsme said...

I think waiters (either banquet or a la carte) are more forgiving of other waiters so they still leave a good tip regardless.
By the way; who's the better waiter?
banquet or restaurant waiters?

Katherine said...

Over here from

I'm a chronic over-tipper. My standard is generally 20% for subpar service, 30% for good service, and 50% for outstanding service.

The only time I've tipped less than 20% was the only time I spent nearly an hour waiting on a soup to be brought out to me.

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