The "Ballymoney Swinging Scene"

A perfectly cooked fillet of beef
not to be confused with bottom licking, the bookies,
whores &swinging in Ballymoney

God Bless the Internet and all who surf it's dirty dirty waves. It's fair to say that anything and everything is catered for on the Internet from Aardvarks to Zena Warrior Princess and everything in between. And every time you visit your favourite sites on the Internet someone knows about it. No more can you enjoy and relax to the simple yet rewarding pleasures of naked women interacting with barnyard animals on your own. Some knows what you did last night when the wife and kids were at Grandma's and you said you couldn't go because you had too much work to do but really you had a night planned with Gretchen and her Shetland Pony.

As a Blogger I too have the ability to see who has been peering through the venetian blinds at my masterfully crafted Well Done Fillet. I can see how many times you were here, how long you stayed, and most fun of all how you got here. Mostly I just ignore most of this information (no he doesn't, he is obsessed with it- LMM) and just check how many hits I get a day. But the best bit is how people got here through using search engines such as Google.

Now most people using search engines who end up here use "well done fillet" and other such permutations. But some people arrive here quite by mistake. Like the person who was searching for "FILLET SEX" or the very dirty puppy who wanted to "TASTE YOUR OWN ARSE". I know nothing about FILLET SEX and have nothing to offer with regards to tasting your own bottom. Although you could try McDonald's, that muck has a definite taste of arse about it.

But seeing as some people arrive here looking for help in such areas I will offer some advice where I can. I have listed some of the more amusing, not to say disturbing, searches that have ended up on Well Done Fillet and advice to help the misguided. Just to reiterate this site is about the unbridled joy that is waiting tables.

All these are written verbatim.

"Can mans testicle fall off"- I don't know, but you should really go to your doctor if you are having testicular problems. Seriously? Asking Google is no way to treat something so important.

"Why am I bitter?" - I don't know, but your not me so that's got to suck.

"Penis+Testicle+Restaurant" - Eh?...What?....Try a French restaurant? Or...um...Japanese maybe. Go away you scare me.

"Do cooks spit in food" - No, waiters do.

"a no a no a no one two a one two" - What does that mean? How did you end up on my blog? What do you want from me?

"Bookies Ballymoney" - Just go to your yellow pages or something, stick a fiver on for me too. Ta Ta.

"Hold back Fillet toe to a minimum" - Yes, sure, why not!

"Whores logic" - Not sure what you were looking for here. But my advice would be just pay up and leave her alone.

And then things got very very strange....

"Ballymoney swinging scene" - HOW? WHY? [Shudder] There are so many questions and I'm not sure I want the answers. If I was looking for a scene to "swing" in my advice would be try Monte Carlo or the Algarve or almost any where other than Ballymoney. No offence and all that.

Swinging in Ballymoney, not to be confused
with a blog about working in a restaurant

I'm watching....