Sunday, 15 April 2007

Why the long face?


So, there I was at lunchtime in the bookies acting like I knew what I was doing. I had never placed a bet in my life. Having negotiated my way through the crowd of grizzly looking men with red faces and half smoked fags I found myself at the counter. The totie pens made me chuckle. I chose my horses using the apparently not so fail safe "oh look its got a nice name" method. The woman that looked like a man or man with boobies, I'm still not sure which it was, stamped my dockets and I paid my cash.

Four hours later I was left bemoaning my luck and wondering what are the best ways to eat horse. Because they don't go to the glue factory anymore for some reason. Glue factory? They fucking wish!

Eat them thats what I say. The cooker jockeys in the kitchen were of no use when I asked their advice on the best way to prepare horse for Sunday lunch. But a bit of google work later and these are your horse munching options:

  1. The people of Kazakhstan prefer their horse in sausage form called kazy. Eeets nice!
  2. The French, God bless em, will eat any and all parts of the horse including it's arse.
  3. Those crazy funtime Germans like their Grand National losers marinated and braised.
  4. The Japanese cant even be arsed to cook theirs and will eat it raw. Magic!
  5. And when not bumming each other or high the Dutch will have theirs for breakfast.
And before someone gets all PETA on me I dont care. I saw a t-shirt recently that read "MEAT IS MURDER, TASTY TASTY MURDER."
Twenty one quid they cost me today!
Tony McCoy my arse!

7 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

Old Knudsen said...

When I worked in france a long time ago I had the chance to eat horse but my French wasn't good and I settled for the neck and head of chicken instead.
I've always wanted to eat all the animals on earth and blog about it.
I tried to put 2 pound on Red Rum the other day and was escorted out by the police.

Fat Sparrow said...

"I saw a t-shirt recently that read "MEAT IS MURDER, TASTY TASTY MURDER."

That is a T-shirt I would buy.

In the camping/hunting/outdoor catalog I get, there is a T-shirt that reads "There's a place for all of God's creatures -- right next to the potatoes and gravy."

Fat Sparrow said...

Oh, and here I was forgetting.... I wouldn't recommend the well-done filly.

Yes, yes, I'm leaving.

Manuel said...

Old K: If i ever open my own restaurant it would be themed on Noahs ark and i would offer two of every animal

Fat Sparrow: you can get that shirt from threadless t shirts.

toast said...

this vegetarian laughed.... i have never really understood the process that meat eaters have for deciding what animal to eat - that a cow is acceptable but somehow a horse isn't - rabbit fine but dog a big no-no.

but i am digressing the main reason why i am writing is to express my pleasedness that the word 'totie' has been commited to blog - this is a word i used recently, on enquiring to my main sham in ballymoney as to its etymology he denied it was a ballymoney word but was confident it was a balnamore or dervock word...

Manuel said...

2 of every animal mmmmmm

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