Tuesday, 24 April 2007

Man cuts off penis in restaurant, waiter not to blame


todger-ectomy causes sharp intake of breath

The BBC are carrying a report that a man walked into a restaurant in London (what a surprise) on Sunday night and after a bit of a kerfuffle he slit his wrists and stabbed himself in the groin, cutting of his todger in the process.

Clearly a rather unhinged chap with more than a few issues keeping him awake at night. Why would you want to give yourself a todger-ectomy? And more importantly why would you want to do it in a restaurant? Because it's a very poor choice if you are looking for sympathy or for someone to put their arm round you and tell you everything is "ok". Believe me no one is going to try and stop you.

I can just hear the chefs were I work...

..."Call that a cock, that's nat a cock, THAT'S a cock" whilst swinging their member in the face of the suicidal man

the KP would be just as bad...
..."Hope your gonna clean that up, cos I'm nat doin it" as the blood pishes all over the floor.

Waiters would be side stepping him to drop plates off as if he was a box on the floor. A restaurant is no place to be topping yourself, unless of course its a pizza restaurant (get it eh?).

I couldn't find my bull's penis recipe but found one for bulls balls, mmmmmmminappropriatly tasty.


just ask for the brokeback special

2 Lbs. Testicles (Bull or buffalo)
1 ounce Lemon Juice
Testicle Batter, not sure what this is but got to assume its water/flour

Boil battered balls in oil. Serve with testicle sauce[insert own joke] and crab spice.

15 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

Lula Bell said...

looks like he wont miss much...

paddy said...

Great Stuff!!

toast said...

when i saw the headline i made myself a bet of 30p that there would be a joke about 'spotted dick' in here... there isn't and i lose

whyioughtta said...

"Testicle Batter"...I can't stop saying it to myself, over and over..."Testicle Batter...Testicle Batter...."

It just kind of rolls of the tongue...

whyioughtta said...

Rolls "ofF", not rolls "of"...

Mind you, "rolls of the tongue"...I can't stop saying it to myself, over and over...

Old Knudsen said...

If I was going to kill myself I'd slit my wrists in a public place and stab myself in the groin, it makes so much sense.

Poor staff that had to clean it, I once got a battered sausage once.

Lord Garfunkel of Ballyesmond said...

i say.

i've heard of leaving the tip, but that's ridiculous eh?

Charlie said...

That second picture actually made me feel sick... it looks like a bumhole cut into pretty shapes

Manuel said...

Lulu bell: ouch!

Paddy: i know! i might make it a regular series,"when cocks fall off"

toast: damn it i wish i had thought of that

wio: try saying it out loud on the bus, or even better ask for it next time you go out for food!

old k: my first thoughts were for the staff too. nightmare. "HEY MUM GUESS WHAT I DID TONIGHT?"

Lord garfunkel: "i've heard of leaving the tip, but that's ridiculous eh?" that sir, is great and i'm fucking raging i didn't think of it first

charlie: cock, not bumhole, cock. seroiusly you dont want to get them mixed up. i can get you a good recipe for horse anus if you want it?

Andraste said...

No, is not bangers IN mash, is bangers AND mash?

Sorry. I'm out of my league here.

You Henglish and your funny foods. Oh, so funny.

Troika said...

God I wish I had been there to see it. That would have been fucking ace.

I've looked about but it seems no one dining at the time had the good sense to take their phone out and film it.

If there's one thing I want to see before I die, it's a bloke cutting his own nob off.

Happy Knudsen said...

Lets not judge people maybe he was doing it to impress a gurl or something.

fatmammycat said...

waiter...not? to blame? Surely that can't be right. Must be a mis-print.

Manuel said...

Andraste: Henglish my arse! MMMMMrabbit stew

Troika: Sick, sick puppy

FMC: Not this time, but soon very very soon...

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