Sunday, 22 April 2007

Chef in "head up own arse" shocker!

not in the real world? Moi?

Regular reader and big fan of mountains, long walks, and taking amazing photographs TOAST put me onto this ridiculous story from the FAT DUCK restaurant in Berkshire. Heston Blumenthal, owner and chef of this 3 Michelin star restaurant, now serves some plates with different gimmicks to enhance the dining experience. The "Sound of the Sea", a mixture of seafood and edible seaweed served on a sand-like tapioca mixture, will be served with an iPod playing sounds of crashing waves etc. It, allegedly, enhances the dining experience, making the food taste saltier and stronger. Really? Does it? How fan-fucking-tastic! And he isn't finished yet. Upon booking, no doubt months in advance, diners will be sent 3D glasses and a sweet-scented atomiser spray. I couldn't find an explanation for this. I'm sure some arse will call it iFood or an iMeal. iSwear!

I'm sorry but this sounds like utter bollocks to me. Mr Blumenthal is clearly a very talented chef having won the best restaurant in the world award and is holder of 3 Michelin stars, but does he really need gadgets and gimmicks to enhance his food? Jesus, what would he serve an Ulster Fry with, tin hat, an atomizer with hint of petrol, iPods playing the soundtrack to a riot?

This is just a whole new level of shite for customers to complain about. But is Blogging gold!

"Can we get the Chateaubriand with a bottle of Chateau Lafite and a side of 80's all girls supergroup Bananarama. We tried it last week with the early work of Echo and the Bunnymen but found it a bit over powering." Or other such drivel.

For sure good music can add to the enjoyment of your meal, as can good company. Just as the sound of arseholes on their mobile phones can detract some what. But plugging in to an iPod is just so wrong.

But it does throw up some interesting ideas though. On tonights menu Manuel recomends:

  1. Rare sirloin steak with horseradish mash and a generous portion of Raining Blood by Slayer.
  2. The vegetarian option is both organic and Fairtrade and comes with the sanctimoneous sounds of Coldplay. Coldplay, "music for men who cry when they masterbate" as someone so brilliantly put it.
  3. Caramelised Bacon joint with fried green cabbage on a bed of KD Lang's greatest hits.
  4. The Sauerkraut and sausage is finished with some Wagner, obviously.

Any other thoughts, send them to to the Fat Duck. He will probably use them.
Cheers Toast.

9 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

JD said...

I worked for a few months at the back end of 1995 in the Windsor branch of Pierre Victoire. I was, a KP - which I thought meant washing dishes but turned out to means "doing all the really shite jobs that no one else wants to do."

The chefs were spectacularly arsey - and one of them certainly had a face like an arse, so I can only assume that he had put his head too far up there one day and it stuck when the wind blew. Or something.

Getting the coral off the mussells has to rank as my least favourite job - even ahead of cleaning the toilets.

Funny thing was on my first night the manager cut me in the tips, but I never saw any of them again.

Manuel said...

Cut out your tips eh, the swine! Kps are the only people i tip out to. Pierre Victoire used to do magnificent t-bone steak, then bse put an end to that. As for mussels, the last one in gets that job.

Old Knudsen said...

I worked for 5 months at The Duke and they brought in food from the skip, just out of date food but if its what the customer wants.

Troika said...

JD, "I was, a KP - which I thought meant washing dishes but turned out to means "doing all the really shite jobs that no one else wants to do."

You must have been gutted that you weren't on the dishes mate.

paddy said...

That photo gives Brokeback Mountain a "hole new perspective".
I stopped reading after that to get a drink. See you later. Y:-) Paddy

Conortje said...

How about the sound of cute bleating animals served with the lamb and mint or the theme to Flipper with a good mackerel.

Manuel said...

Old K: What they want and what they deserve are two different things

Troika: KP's? First in last out rough as a badgers arse and always grumpy fucks.

Paddy: Boom boom!

Conortje; honestly email Heston, he will do it, or was it all just a pr con mmmmmmmm

JD said...

OK let me clarify this - I WAS on the dishes - but only after I'd finished cleaning the toilets, mopping the floor, getting the coral off the mussells and getting crapped on by the chefs.

The dishes I didn't mind - they gave me a power hose thing, which was pretty cool. I used to end up wetter than the dishes.

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