When Leopards attack

I r in ur wittle mac, not working, sleeping
(This post contains swearing, lots of fucking swearing.......awh all is back to normal again)

The last 20 hours have been the absolute worst. In the middle of all the birthday fun I decided to go ahead and install Leopard on my Mac Mini. What could go wrong?

iWaited, iWaited, iWaited, iWaited and iWaited some more.(Yes I'm going to to that for the rest of the post. So get iUsed to it) I am a professional waiter so this was no real problem. But 2 hours in and after no real sign of progress iChecked the "instruction manual" ha! What a crock of iShit that is. And as yet I hadn't seen any of the options listed on page 2. Something was amiss. Something, very not fucking good, was amiss. iSwore but decided to restart the process all over again. I did this thrice more. iSwore again, iKicked the computer desk causing fruit to fall. So I peeled a banana and considered my options. I am not a patient person, I was at the very edge of reason at this point. I found myself hovering above the mini with my fist clenched.

Don't you just fucking hate it when new stuff doesn't work? At 4.42am I set the process in motion again and went to sleep. WELL I TRIED TO GO TO SLEEP! But there was a tiny, but very fucking loud, carnival band/drum and bass DJ collective playing inside the mac mini. Ironically I think it was the relentless whirring of the drive that finally sent me off to dream world where everything works first go. I woke again just before 7am. Now this is not Manuel's natural "action" time but I sprung into life and checked the mac for any sign of Leopardish activity. There was none. You have to be fucking kidding me.

After I got over this setback and early morning coughing (don't smoke kids, it ain't cool) I thought it was time to give the good people at Applecare a call. What the sweet baby Jesus in the manger do you mean it's "outside of business hours"? It's half fucking seven, get the fuck up out of your iBed's and answer the fucking phone, i or regular.

I tried the install again, telling myself that this was the last time. God bless the wee mac, it really did try harder this time and we got a little further. Well what we got was the dreaded "Stop doing this, it isn't gonna work, you dick" message, well words to that effect. iSwore again. Right "fuck it" I thought lets fuck it off as bad job and just go back and play with Panther again. And that's when the iTears started.

Leopard didn't want to leave the carnival band in the drive. You iFuck, iBastard, iCunt, get the fuck out!!!! I threw an iTantrum of the worst sort. I was smoking at a rate of knots. One pointless call to Applecare later and I was in iTears. The chap informed me that Leopard wouldn't work on my wee mac as I didn't have enough RAM. Well d'uh I figured that out hours ago when I decided to read the instructions properly. He gave me some advice on how to get my disc out which didn't work. At this point I gave up and switched the computer off.

I made a fry up. I washed the dishes. I cleaned the bathroom. I tidied the sitting room. I cried a little more. I changed the flat tyre on my bike. I read todays Guardian. I changed the plug on a lamp. None of these things would have happened, with the exception of breakfast, if I hadn't been iFucked by Leopard. I phoned my sister and LMM looking for sympathy. Actually, if I'm being honest, I was looking for one/both of them to offer me the cash to get a new Mac. I got sympathy, which was nice. But sympathy doesn't put sexy white goods on the dinner table does it?

I was resigned to having to exist in a Mac free world. Fantastic, if rather impractical, plans were put in place for keeping WellDoneFillet alive during the Mac Fast. I huffed, puffed, and sorted out financing possibilities in my mind. Then I said "fuck it" and decided to give it another go. And iPresto it worked. Leopard removed. Panther reinstalled. Okay everything is gone, from photos to blog stuff to various applications and utilities. My external drive is filled with music, episodes of Curb, Family Guy, Frasier, and the entire Friends collection (wtf?)

So what have I learnt from all this? Back up isn't just for important types it's for lazy shites like me too. Reading instructions doesn't make you less of a man. Being impulsive does make me cute but did cost me £85 which I wont get back, so stop it.

What a waste of a day. This blog's got very whinny of late, well more whinny than normal. Back to work tomorrow, that's bound to make things better again......