Trust me, I'm a waiter...

I'm currently munching (see what I did there?) my way through Jay Rayner's terrific read, "The Man Who Ate The World, In Search of the Perfect Dinner". I thoroughly recommend it for anyone who has even but a passing interest in food, fine restaurants or good writing. Rayner literally travels the world eating in the finest restaurants such as Restaurant Alain Ducasse in Paris and Per Se in New York.

It's funny, you only have to read the section on Vegas to see that. And whilst you will shout out loud at the prices people will pay for fine food and wine you will no doubt wonder what it would be like to pop some poached oysters with caviar into your nosebag and chow down with gay abandonment. I'm sure it's just bloody divine. The book exposes a world of cuisine so far above what I do on a daily basis that it may very well be on the moon. There isn't a section on Belfast funnily enough.

It wets the appetite. It makes me want more of what I had when I went to Claridges. I make a solemn vow right here and now to do just that, get more. Once a year from here on in I will make a pilgrimage to these holy sites of gastronomy. I will eat beans for the rest of the year if I have to, but by fuckity I shall go.

If I had one complaint about the book it would be that there aren't enough waiters in it. You can never have enough waiters in my opinion. But there was one little passage that made me snort with laughter. Rayner was dining in Guy Savoy's paris restaurant when the waiter was trying to convince him to have the pea salad.

"Our waiter, Hubert, had made such a meal of selling the pea thing to us I wanted to choose something else to eat just to spite him. I mean how good could a pea get? It didn't even have a pulse.
'Every pea in this pea salad is sliced in half,' Hubert said in a conspiratorial whisper. 'Every pea.'
Pause.
'In half.'
'And do you want to know why they slice every pea in half?'
He leaned closer into Maureen as if limbering up to put his hand down the front of her dress. Now he dropped his voice to an even more breathy whisper. 'Double the pleasure'......."

Fantastic stuff.

Buy it here

Jay Raynor writes about food for the Guardian & Observer and online at Word of Mouth.

It should be pointed out though that my own attempt at a book is subtitled, "In search of the perfect guest."
This is coincidence and I can prove it.