First sign of Roy Walker and I'm out of here....

Tony Naylor had a piece on Word of Mouth a few weeks ago about how the surroundings of a restaurant can effect the enjoyment of your dining experience. His own particular bugbear being a place that was somewhat too Tory for his liking,

"An otherwise fine place to waste a few hours - all right pub food, unhurried atmosphere, stunning views - the idea of eating in somewhere that has nailed its colours so prominently to the blue mast left this socialist with serious ideological indigestion."

A sentiment we can all agree with I'm sure. Another friend of mine detests some of the finer Belfast restaurants due to them having a "middle class, Presbyterian, Daily Mail" feel to them. Ironic, seeing as he is both middle class and Presbyterian. But I know what he means. He is happiest when eating stew in an empty pub with only a few old men and the background noise of the horse racing and their crumpling betting slips to keep him from sleeping.

wrong, wrong, wrong......

Personally I cant stand restaurants with prints by Matisse and Van Gough and that lot. Nothing wrong with the paintings per se but I prefer something original hanging on the walls. There is something cheap and obviously lacking in originality about it too. I detest black crockery, hell I'll walk out if you serve me food on anything where the main colour isn't white. We used to serve cheese on the most hideous salmon pink plates. They all ended up in the bin over a period of three months. Just kept being dropped, dunno how. [Cough cough] I wish I had been there that day when the big executive at the plate making company said, "Pastel! The world needs pastel coloured crockery!" No it fucking doesn't.

I also despair at menus that come with photos and personal "messages" from the chef. Yeah yeah you really hope "I have a lovely time and blah blah blah". I sort of take that for granted. Restaurants with signed pictures of C-list celebrities who have eaten there adorning the wall makes me recoil in horror, this includes anyone who has hosted a quiz show. I mean if you have a signed picture of Bogie eating a steak and eggs from your breakfast menu then I'm impressed. Matthew Kelly and that one off Big Brother 2 really don't count.

Menus with more than two pages, menus with spelling mistakes, menus in huge brown leather holders are all just wrong, wrong, wrong and put the fear of Gordon Ramsay in me. I can block out most other guests except for the obvious, such as guests in golf type jumpers and if there is even a hint of air kissing I'm a goner. I run away from restaurants with formerly contemporary paint jobs but that can only be described now as "dirty protest" brown. I like to eat in light airy places with little unique bits here and there, velvet rarely does that or brown of any kind.

Apart from that I'm fairly relaxed where ever I go...

But what about you? Does the sight of brown leather seats set your heart racing with anticipation? Do you long to pour over 7 page menus? Do you mind that the restaurant is full off middle aged men in golf jumpers or suits? Could you eat in a restaurant if you knew Adam Sandler was there? [Shudder] Do you recoil at the first sight of the gingham table cloths? Does any of it matter to you or is it just about the meal?