Thursday, 7 May 2009

Bring back the IRA*....

...so that our kids don't turn into booze monkeys, obviously. Eh? Am I drunk? Is there gin hidden in the toilet and whiskey under the bed? No, no I'm not drunk but when faced with a headline like this...


...it seems like the most obvious answer. Maybe they could get government funding? Heh. The Belfast Telegraph quotes The Joseph Rowntree Foundation's report and conclusion that,
"The peace process has led to increased investment, employment, urbanisation, improved financial status and independence amongst the population and among young people generally. The social and economic emancipation, when set against a historic low baseline of alcohol use because of religious and cultural norms, may have led to increases in alcohol drinking over recent years towards the levels in the rest of the UK"
So there you have it then. If the last thirty years of bombing, shooting, capping - both knee and elbow didn't get you the booze will. Pass me the bottle, I'm gonna get snoshled.

Just our fucking luck eh?

* obviously I am only joking about with the headline before people start messing themselves. And anyhoo, they haven't gone away ye know, apparently.

20 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

ellie said...

Could also bring back security searches at shop doorways and reinstate check points at Royal Avenue and High Street. Perhaps bring back the man who walked up the bus and looked at the back seat and then got straight off again! Oh for the good old days. We never got drunk back then!

Manuel said...

ellie: bwahahaha that's right....we were all as sober as judges......but then again the judges were steaming too...

ninetyninewords said...

Not sure who to pat on the back here for stating the fucking obvious, the JRF or the Tele.
So, more jobs, more bars, more money, more socialising....more binge drinking. Genius.

Manuel said...

99 words: chuffing quality work eh...

Medbh said...

Yeah, poverty and strife are so much better for the public.

Manuel said...

Medbh: ah the rare oul times....!

savannah said...

*sigh* i swear, sugar, it is truly possible to justify anything these days! xoxox

@ellie..hey sugarpie! *waving*

Native Minnow said...

What doesn't cause binge drinking?

Waiter Extraordinaire said...

I am not sure but perhaps when the IRA and all the bombings were taken place people just were on guard all the time and couldn't drink. Now that things have settled down everyone is letting their hair down and say WTF let's party! Really I don't know but it is a nice thought...

Robert Synnott said...

Similarly, the presence of the Taliban in Pakistan probably discourages drinking.

So, yes, terrorists discourage drinking! Now if they can just find something which makes people not smoke (suicide bombers? Jehovah's Witnesses? No doubt major government health agencies are running trials even now!) they'll be in business. To discourage social problems, simply introduce far worse social problems!

But does drinking prevent terrorism, eh?

Jimmy Bastard said...

Nooo.. the bastarts are all over here digging trenches and fixing guard rails on the M8, opposite Ibrox.

You couldn't make this shit up.

Sharon said...

Why do they think there was "a historic low baseline of alcohol use" here even back then? Hasn't there always been binge drinking in these parts?

Blaming the peace process for increased drinking, pah.

But I'm just thinking, the "autism epidemic" has been blamed on about 100 different things, but perhaps the real cause is the Northern Ireland Peace Process. Makes as much (as little) sense as anything else.

Quickroute said...

Maybe it's the 'out of work' ex-Terrorists that are binge-drinking for want of something better to do

Jim Allister said...

Yes, yes my sweet, our plan is working, (strokes evil cat) that will teach the DUP. BWHAHAHAHAHA

Manuel said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! nearly pished myself....

daisyfae said...

they say 'binge drinking' like it's a bad thing...

Old Knudsen said...

Binge drinking is UK culture duh! they haven't mentioned the less important thing that rape is up 50% since the peace process. More job and education opportunities and bring back the RUC.

The Real IRA will sort the place out unlike the Fake IRA of the past 30 odd years.

If the IRA cum back so will Old Knudsen to take em out, is it worth it?

Robert Synnott said...

*Doesn't quite get the "Damn; social problems emerging. Let's go back to blowing up kids, for fun" thing*

mago said...

Cool logic. A drink for peace? A beer for piss? Bomb healthy? Oh one wants to hammer the head against the pub's door ...

Tuesday Kid said...

Yeah, people getting pished up is way better than out killing each other.