Wednesday, 15 April 2009

Never seen The Goonies nor mowed a lawn

I have never seen The Goonies or any Indiana Jones movies.

I have never played a guitar or shot an animal.

I have never mooned in the street. Actually I have never mooned anywhere.

I have never read the Da Vinci Code and I never will.

I have never mowed a lawn.

The list goes on a bit but I have never done these not because I was scared to or because I didn't take the chance when I was offered it but due to lack of opportunity and/or common sense. Mooning in one thing, reading the Da Vinci Code is another all together. But essentially these are ordinary events and experiences that some how I have managed to miss out on, things that maybe would surprise some people, that gain a reaction.

"You've never seen The Goonies?", they say, their little faces contorted with bewilderment as if I was an alien from another planet/some sort of weirdo and they wander away clasping at their fat swollen tums tums in some sort of Goonies ritual.

I mean given the opportunity I would love to shoot someone playing a guitar, I'm looking at you here Jonny Buckland lead guitarist for Coldplay. But the chance has yet to reveal itself to me. I would love to float round the stratosphere looking down on the Earth but alas I am not a multi billionaire and I'm not so sure I would quite trust the Russians anyway. I mean it would be like going to space in a Ford Cortina. I would love to eat at El Bulli, gorging on the finest food by the finest chefs. But again, as I have mentioned, I am not a wealthy man. There are things we all want to do but cant because we aren't Bill Bloody Gates, actually there are lots of things we cant do because of Bill Gates.

But when life rolls you a hard eight I say bloody well go for it, watch that movie, mow that lawn, moon that ass.

Seriously.

I had a lady in for dinner last week, who had never eaten fish. That's right she had never eaten fish in her whole life. Not one forkful. I was amazed.

"Not even as much as a fish finger?", I asked with the bewilderment of a Goonies fan.

"No"

"You've never had fish and chips or salmon or tuna? Not even a tuna sandwich?"

"Eek no."

"Are you allergic to fish? Maybe a bit squeamish about fish?"

"No, just never really fancied it."

So I spent the next five minutes convincing her about the delight that is our seabass and how super scrummy it is with some simple garlic roasted potatoes on the side. I explained how it is cooked and what the flavours are like. Hell I even roped in Waiter Chum Number One for added back up. Her husband egged her on. I offered to get her something else, quickly, if she didn't like it and free of charge at that.

She went quiet as she pondered her options.

I went quiet as she pondered her options.

Her husband used his cutlery to beat out a drum roll. There was no real need but it did add to the suspense.

"I'll have..."

"Yes?"

"I'll have...."

"The seabass?"

"I'll have the pork thanks."

I was deflated, so much so in fact that I swapped sections and let somebody else serve them. Okay it was her choice and her cash but c'mon!

Never eaten fish eh? How frightfully odd.

So what "ordinary" food have you never eaten?

Veggies don't count.......obviously.

43 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

Boxer said...

You haven't missed a thing by not seeing Goonies OR mowing a lawn.

BUT, she's missed a lot by not trying Sea Bass.

I've never eaten Duck. Or Venison.

I ate lamb once and that was the day I became a vegetarian.

Jimmy Bastard said...

You know what they say... you are what you eat.

Manuel said...

Boxer: dear me, never tried venison, crikey. It's a bit strong but worth it, same goes for duck.

Why? Flavour or too cute to eatism?

Manuel said...

jimmy: that makes me mainly sausages then.....heh

sassysundry said...

Like I said on Twitter, if you were American and had never seen Goonies, I would have to question whether or not you were human.

I've never eaten lobster. And I'm from New England. I'm vegetarian now, but the real reason is that my doctor said that I was most likely allergic to it and not to chance it.

By the way, my word verfication is "wedgerd." Is that what happens when one has gotten a wedgie?

Manuel said...

sassysundry: hmmmm doctors eh, fuckers ruin everything.....lobster rocks but it's not worth the money....so many veggies......sake...

wedgerd......heh

Medbh said...

I've never watched "Goonies."
No special reason why.

I've never had a sausage.
Ever.

Manuel said...

Medbh: never eaten sausage.....oh my.....but then again as you have said your food issues are legion...starting to think I am the odd one odd with my "eat all" policy....


eat all - except sweet n sour.....obviously

savannah said...

beef tongue.

never ever had it.

nor do i wish to ever partake of it.

i've seen the goonies. every indiana jones. damn near every star trek. 4 children, sugar...name it and i've seen it or heard it. *sigh*
xoxoxo

Carol said...

You've never mowed a lawn? You should try it sometime.

I've never eaten shellfish of any kind because my Mom is allergic to it, and I don't want to find out the hard way if I am, too.

Waiter Extraordinaire said...

I am not big on sheep balls but have ate a lamb's eye...

silverstar98121 said...

Like you, I'd have to go pretty far from ordinary to find something I haven't eaten. So far, the only thing I can think of is insects. But no one has ever offered me chocolate covered ants, either. On the other hand USDA allows up to 2% insect parts in chocolate bars, so maybe I've even eaten that.

Andrew said...

I have never seen "The Goonies" either. I've been a vegetarian for five years now, but prior to that I've never had any kind of shellfish. Also never had crab or lobster. No particular reason. Just never thought to get it. Of course now I wouldn't LOL.

Simon said...

I've never eaten penis.
Seriously though... I've never tried sea bass. I have eaten fish, and if it's cooked right I love fish, but whenever I've been given the chance, I've never taken the plunge. The next time I go to a decent eatery I swear to try the sea bass.
I've never seen Evil Dead (the original). That makes some people do the "Goonies look". Or the Friday 13th films. There was something else... oh yeah.
COME ON PORTO! (hehe)

Jeny said...

all of those things you just said you've never done.. i've never done those either! and how cute you call them fish fingers! i assume it is the same as fish sticks. hehe well lets see common food i've never had... pork chop. idk why but my family just has never cooked pork.

Le Nord said...

You are definitely missing out on Indiana Jones there m'dear. It's not even a case of nostalgia, they are just great films (Indy IV doesn't count)

If it makes you feel any better, I haven't seen The Godfather

Red said...

Trifle....I've never eaten trifle...the whole cold custard/jelly sponge never really appealled to me...

Le Nord said...

Duck, Lamb or Venison for me.

I like crab, lobster and tuna but I can't stomach any other kind of fish

Red Leeroy said...

I've never eaten a truffle shuffle. oh wait.

Anonymous said...

I've never watched The Godfather, and I once worked with a chef (a CHEF people!!!) who had never eaten a strawberry, and had never attempted to scramble an egg. Odd...

SkippyMom said...

I have never had Haggis and I understand that is quite common somewhere ;).

And I have never seen Goonies nor will I ever read The Da Vinci Code either.

SkippyMom said...

PS and I am American. and not questionable when it comes to the Goonies. hee :)

eatersregret said...

A friend of mine had never eaten a sandwich till he was in college. How is that even possible?

Manuel said...

savannah: oh my I love a nice piece of tongue.....heh

carol: welcome! look at you mowing your lawn....!

steve: nice...!

silverstar: eeeewwww.....

andrew: new? eh? welcome....crab is lovely......but then again you'll never know.....ho hum

simon: go fuck yerself.....ha!

jeny: do you like fish sticks? tee hee hee

le nord: have you ever eaten a godfather?

Manuel said...

red: trifle? oh my......but trifle is just delish.....

le nord: you must try lamb.....it;s the best....duck and venison I can live without

red: I don't know what you mean.....

anon: I work with a chef who just this last week didn't know what an almond was...

skippy mom: funnily enough I have never eaten haggis either.....but I will one day....

eatersregret: but? eh? how is that possible? cant be true...he's pulling your leg.....

Native Minnow said...

I've never eaten Rocky Mountain oysters.

I've never eaten rattlesnake (although an uncle of mine tried to get me to try it once).

I've never eaten squirrel. Or any rodent for that matter. So maybe I'm not that redneck after all.

I've never eaten caviar. Had the opportunity, just couldn't do it.

Manuel said...

minnow: squirrel eh.....what a place america must be...oh my

TheChrisD said...

Never eaten fish before...?

Can I start jeering "Queer"?

Hails said...

I'd never even *heard* of The Goonies until I read this post. Is that bad?!

I know someone who's never eaten a mushroom, which seems ridiculous to me. How can you have never even tasted a mushroom in your whole life?!

Pickyknitter said...

what is this fascination with The Goonies? I must have been out mowing the lawn when it was on *da dum* I am resistant to the octopus family. I'm not eating anything that is smarter than me. Can you open a jar underwater with no thumbs?

Karen said...

I've never eaten tripe or coddle, even though I'm from Dublin. And I've never had a radish either, they look like balls of wax.

When I met my fiance he had never eaten Chinese food, it was quite literally unbelievable to me! Not a chicken ball, nor won ton, nor prawn cracker, let alone a chow mein had ever crossed his lips. He was 100 per cent MSG free. Seriously, he was 26! Needless to say I dragged him to a Chinese restaurant on our first date and now he's a convert!

I've never seen the Goonies either and - wait for it - I've never seen any of the Star Wars films AND wait again for it, I've never seen the whole of ET from start to finish. It bored the arse off me! So I've watched the first half hour and the last I think...but God, worst movie ever!

ninetyninewords said...

I've never had lobster. Or oysters. And if I don't like those perhaps you can let me try some aged fillet steak, which I've never eaten either.

What time did you book me in for?

fmcgmccllc said...

never-snails and tripe, I've had brains, gizzards, chicken livers, regular liver and of course the regular stuff.

What kid never got fish sticks or orange roughy? Come on,

Dave said...

Manuel, you've never seen the goonies? pft!

Next you'll be telling us that you've never seen The Princess Bride either.
tsk

Laurie said...

Manuel,

I live by the sea (east coast of the United states). In fact, I live about 30 mins from the sea. However, I will eat NOTHING from the sea. when asked "why do you live there then?" it gets irritating...in this area, there are nice neighborhoods, low crime, good schools, close to family, close to friends. I did NOT MOVE HERE to be "by the sea" so I can eat anything from it. The mere sight and smell of things from the sea make me GAG. (And I'm a mother and a teacher, I've seen and smelled, some real gag-a-rific stuff).

Conversation between me and people that has gotten very OLD, when they find out I won't eat any sort of seafood:

Them: You don't eat ANY seafood and you live here? WHY?
Me: Sighhhh...
Them: but don't you eat LOBSTER? Its so nice & FRESH around here!
Me: No lobster.
Them: but what about SHRIMP? EVERYONE LIKES SHRIMP?
Me: Nope.
Them: but what about HADDOCK? HADDOCK is nice and MILD.
Me: NOTHING from the sea.
Them: But what about-
Me: NOTHING. FROM. THE. SEA.
THem: (blank stare, and they contemplate this and try to talk me into eating seafood)

Yes, I actually FORCED myself to try some of the above but I couldn't hack it. BLEEECHHH!!!

Love your blog.

EvaMaRie said...

I've never seen The Goonies either. I go to Cannon Beach 2x a year and love Ecola State Park. You should see it if you ever visit!

ellie said...

I've never eaten liver, tounge or tripe but have tried shark. I've never watched The Goonies or any Bond movie.

daisyfae said...

i've never seen forrest gump. don't wanna. you can't make me...

i have also never eaten shrimp. i have spent many happy hours raising "Sea Monkeys", and consider the little buggers pets... to me? shrimp are almost like dogs, and i'd never eat dog, either...

purplegirl said...

I get that crap about the Goonies all the time. People think I'm from another planet and immediately tell me I should watch it. I don't think so.

I've never eaten clams. I don't like any other seafood, so just never gave them a try.

Crispy said...

I've seen The Goonies you weirdo, how come you haven't...did we not live together in the same house til we were teenagers!!?
I work with a guy who has never eaten any fruit, never in his life has he eaten a grape or pineapple, or any fruit...so Imagine the fun we had. He thought they were OK, but he wouldn't be eating them any time soon....weird eh?
I've nver had snails or S-car-go as you foody types say...they look like big bogies!

Lisa said...

Growing up on a cattle ranch in Western Canada I can proudly say as a kid, I've eaten Prairie Oyster (testicles) at branding time. And they were absolutely delicious. I then, in later years, convinced my husband's boss they were a powerful aphrodisiac and he spent months looking for a restaurant that served them.
I've eaten lots of weird things but never had pheasant since, in my religion, if it isn't bled properly, it isn't acceptable.
Love venison, cooked properly. We soak it in milk first to tone down the game-y taste.
I'm sort of glad your customer didn't try sea bass as her first fish foray. It would be difficult for other, lesser fish to measure up once she discovered how wonderful fish tastes. Let her start with fish fingers like the rest of us.

We went on a cruise and EVERY dinner selection for me was the seafood. Can't get enough of it. Meh to steak.

Have you seen Pricess Bride? There is a lot riding on your answer.

Sooz said...

I've never seen the Goonies either, and people also look at me strangely and think I'm some kinda freak for it. However, having once seen a screen shot of that THING that's in it with the melted face, I'm kinda glad I've never seen it.

As for food stuffs, I can't think of anything particularly "ordinary" that I've never eaten, although I am squeamish about certain things, like raw tomatoes. Until I was 18 I never ate a pepper, does that count? Now I can't get enough of them!

Manuel said...

sooz: yes it counts and makes you odd......like the rest of us