Measure your success in shelves not trophies or awards...

I was off work for four days last week. I deserved it, a little treat for Manuel, a little well earned me time. Me me me me. Lovely. I was supposed to have used the time to catch up on the many projects, half assed ideas, and laundry that constantly occupy my mind and the entire left hand side of my bedroom. Instead I sat about scratching what didn't need scratched and poking things that required no poking. I did manage though to put up two sets of shelving one of which is still attached to the wall. Some men measure their triumphs and successes against the climbing of mountains and the running of races, not me. I count success in the amount of shelves I can get to stay on a wall. And fifty percent is a pass, with honours, in this house.

Like I say I had a very productive week planned. Planned, being the operative word, but not executed. I spend a good half a day just writing a to do list. Instead I got sidetracked by bloody Twitter. I was considering alternatives to the "micro blogging and social networking site" and it's one line question, "What are you doing?" This diverted my mind from the more important tasks at hand. I should have been toiling on my magnum opus but instead I was giggling to the thought of Flutter and it's one line question, "What are you betting on?"

Obviously this amused me for the rest of the afternoon...

1. Admitter - What did you do? Come clean on the world wide web!
2. Blatter - Who did you hit? A thugs only site where they can send pictures recorded on their cell phones of their latest victims.
3. Fatter - What are you stuffing in your pie hole? Aimed at cake and sausage roll enthusiasts.
4. Forgetter - What was it again? Cant remember what I was thinking about with this one.
5. Ratter - Who did it? Name and shame!
6. Shatter - What did you smash? A site to post picture of stuff you just broke, it's the sister site to Admitter.
7. Nutter - What are you doing standing in the street naked? A way for nut jobs and mentalists to record their zany activities.
   
8. Jotter - What are you writing on? A site where Moleskin fans can fight it out with Rhodia fans. A very sad place if you ask me.
   
9. Boycotter - Where are you not shopping? Has Primark's use of child labour forced you out of the shop? Share that fact here.
   
10. Regretter - Why are you red faced? But remember it's better to regret something you have done than something you haven't. Unless of course it was Small Bob from accounting.
    
11. Bitter - What have you won recently? Just for Manchester City fans.....Arf!
    

In the end I got very little writing done and wasted another half day trying to re-work the Twitter logo to read "Fatter" but all to no avail. So come Thursday night I was a right grumpasaurus. Actually a grumpasaurus sounds like a lovable character in a Julia Donaldson novel, I was not a lovable character. I was mean and moody and really rather bellicose.

So if someone wants to give me $20/30m to get these projects off the ground then my week wouldn't have been a complete waste of time. Anyone? How's about £5k then? Seriously....

If you want to follow me on Twitter and waste more of my precious time then click here...