Sunday, 25 January 2009

Gingers. Is there anything they cant do? (Apart from go out in the midday sun, obviously?)

apple pie
as deadly as it gets....

"Achgggggguurgggllleeee", said the man furiously pointing to his back.

"Scuse me?", said the puzzled looking waiter with a bottle of nasty rose in his hand.

"Achgggggguurgggllleeee", said the man with fantastically blue hued lips. He said it over and over and over again whilst pointing to his back.




The waiter with the nasty bottle of rose stared briefly at the man with the deepening blue lips and thought for a moment about a few goth chums who would kill for a colour like that.

But the man with the fantastic blue lips wasn't in the mood for discussing goth styles or favourite lip glosses with a waiter with a bottle of nasty rose in his hand for he was too busy with the choking and the gurgling and the struggle for air, if not life itself.

The waiter twigged, "This man isn't showing off his fancy new lip gloss, he's ........CHOKING!"

Well d'uh.

The waiter gleefully, and like a man with a plan, set down the nasty bottle of rose and began with the furious and urgent banging of the man with the fantastic blue lips' back.




He pounded but there seemed no relief for the man with the fear in his eyes. The waiter, suddenly aware that all eyes were on him and the man choking on a piece of perfect shortcrust pastry from an apple pie, decided that they needed to move somewhere free from the gaze of stunned Saturday night diners.

So he got some hot pounding and walking action going. This wasn't so easy but they did make it to the back area of the restaurant. The waiter fearing that he was out of his depth, much like a ten year old on an inflatable adrift in the mid atlantic ocean, secured the help of the flame haired manager.

The pounding on it's own wasn't really freeing the man from his mortal danger.

"Some sort of move or maybe a technique of some sort is required to dislodge the errant pastry from this man's windpipe", said the waiter with urgency masking the fear in his voice.

"NO!", replied our flamed haired key jangler to the stunned and silenced gaggle of waiters holding their hands over their mouths as if to mask their own breathing. No one wants to show off at times like this.

"NO, we need a maneuver! The Heimlich Maneuver no less!"

And with that the Flame haired key jangler was on the man thrusting and pulling at him in a scene which the waiter would later say was reminiscent of the time he found two young lovers enjoying some post chocolate cake coitus in the middle stall of the male facilities.

Moments later the man with the previously fantastic blue lips coughed. The relief was palpable amongst the gathered group of waiters and friends of the choking man. He coughed two or three more times then stood erect. He was breathing heavy but he was breathing and he dabbed at the tears in his eyes and motioned for some water. He embraced his friend. He embraced his hero, the Flamed Haired Key Jangler or as he will for ever be known, The Flame Haired Saviour.

The waiter went back to his tables. Lifting the skanky bottle of rose that had been left on a fireplace he went back to the table he had been about to serve and said, "Now who's having this beautiful bottle of rose?"

Scariest two minutes of the waiters life. I'm sure the choking man was quite petrified too. But huzzah for our Ginger Wonder! And huzzah for Gingers everywhere, for they truly are a special and misunderstood people.

19 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

Sniffle and Cry said...

Jesus,jesus and jesus. Scarey stuff. I saw those blue lips once.

Was there hero music playing the back ground?

Daily Spud said...

Ah, the Spud is a Ginger, so huzzah for me!

Bock the Robber said...

Sometimes, when people say it wrong, they say it better.

I once heard somebody call it the Heimlich Remover.

daisyfae said...

bonus points because he didn't confuse it with the "Hindlick Maneuver"... although in the right circumstance, that could dislodge a hunk of esophogeal pastry!

silverstar98121 said...

Good that there was somebody there that knew what to do. Working in the old folks home, we had quite a number of them choke, usually from eating too fast, or no teeth. The Heimlich came in quite handy.

Crisatunity said...

I detect an Eddie Izzard influence...

Waiter Extraordinaire said...

That was a close one. Scary stuff to watch and thank heavens for the key jangler.

purplegirl said...


gimme a minute said...

'As the National Rifle Association says "It's not guns that kill people, it's manoeuvres."'

Old Knudsen said...

I bet if the customer was a sooty or a raghead the ginger bloke wouldn't have helped. Gingers can be quite bitter and many of them Nazis. I can put 2 ginger nuts into my mouth at once.

Trekkie said...

Did you know that you're not supposed to call it the Heimlich anymore. Some twonk tried to sue Dr Heimlich's decendants when it failed to work on his beloved and Heimlich's family asked for it to renamed.

Gawd, I'm good at pub quizzes.

jen said...

My best pal is ginger and she rocks. Hurrah for ginger power!

The Sexy Pedestrian said...

What's the procedure if someone croaks it in a restaurant? I mean, can you still order dessert or do you have to do a moral forfeit?

TheChrisD said...

Question is, did the choking man really deserve to be saved?

I mean come on, who chokes on pastry...

MJ said...

Remember... Gingers are people too even if they don't have souls!

Medbh said...

Go Ginger!

Red said...

YAY!! Ginger power!!

Native Minnow said...

Have you seen the movie 'Choke'? There's an awesome scene where the main character chokes on some food, and the only other person in the restaurant is a blind man. There's more to it than that, but it's a funny scene. Good movie too.

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