Saturday, 27 September 2008

What have you done in the last 8 weeks?

Eight Weeks Ago

"What? You're a vegan?" I exclaimed with more horror than I really meant.

"Yeah it's something I'm very passionate about it...." replied the new waitress. Actually she gave me a twenty minute soliloquy about why she was a vegan and why everybody should be a vegan. The word holocaust was used more than once. I listen, politely, but with no real interest and then asked her....

"But what do you eat on the way home from the pub? I mean there's nothing like a big stinking kebab with chilli sauce!"

"Oh I don't drink either."

"Crikey." And with that I walked away.

Thursday Night

"What's wrong with you? You've a face like a busted sofa?"

"I'm so sick"

"What's wrong? Over do it on the lentils last night? Bad tofu?"

"Ha ha. I've got a hangover."

"What? Thought you didn't drink?"

"Yeah but I needed a pint after Wednesday night's shift."

"That's waiting for ya."

Later that Night

"What's that?"

"That's pork"

"No, beside it"

"Oh that's fois gras"

"That looks soooo gooood."

"Oh really. Let me tell you about fois gras...."

Eight weeks, people, that's all it took, eight short weeks to take a confirmed teetotal vegan and turn them into a salivating carnivore with a penchant for expensive red wine.

Mwahahahahahahahahah! Victory is mine!

25 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

Medbh said...

AHAHAHAHAHA!
Hilarious, Manuel.
Nothing steers you towards fatty food and booze like waiting tables.

Is she smoking yet?

Manuel said...

medbh: next on my evil to do list!

Silverstar said...

You are truly evil...Especially if you've got her eating fois gras. Poor little duckies. Shame on you.

Manuel said...

silverstar: I had to redress the balance after yesterdays post...

savannah said...

perfect..get her used to the really good stuff first! *cue evil laughter fading into the darkness*

xoxoxo

MJ said...

*salivates at thought of a big kebab*

Manuel said...

savannah: she had taken a fancy to one of the most expensive wines we sell...go figure!

mj: who doesn't?!

dave said...

He he he...Dr Evil would be proud of ya!

Yep...big stinkin kebab (shitty meat) with salad and chilli sauce.

Oh, she's gonna pay for that!.....

Coco said...

Next thing is to get her to eat veal. Then when she delights in its tenderness, whisper in her ear:
"taste the loneliness..."
And watch her morals crumble; she will be yours!
Mwahahahaha!!!

Andraste said...

What's the strategic plan on caffeine and cocaine?

Blondefabulous said...

Have you taken her on one of your steak fact finding missions yet?? Nothing beats a properly prepared steak!

You sir, are a wonderful man for bringing her back from the brink! Bless you!

Sharon said...

I didn't drink at all until I was 29. Sober all the way through college! It was having children that did it.

Actually, I just decided one day there was this whole set of flavours I was missing, and I started off with very expensive red wine in a fancy restaurant.

You've done her a favour, you're not so evil after all!

Margaret said...

Manuel, you are a genius and I applaud you.

Suzanne said...

No meat and no alcohol?!

Why do people insist on depriving themselves on some of the best pleasures on Earth? That's something I'll never understand.

daisy mae said...

that sounds like me! (minus the proselytizing. what other's eat is their own business). it took about a week before i was eating lamb ragu or a fantastic steak.

never touched a drop of wine, either, until i found out it was a job requirement to try each and every one on the list. lucky for me our list changed almost monthly!

Native Minnow said...

Well done, Manuel.

(Pun intended)

bethanythemartian said...

*applause*

Don't you love screwing with someone's morals? It makes for great fun and entertainment!

Sniffle&Cry said...

Bastard.

Unspeakable.

Profound evil.

Watership Down amd Father Matthew's legacy strewn in diced mutton carroty mess.

Bastard.

B said...

what are the pros of veganism wise waiter?

Trekkie said...

I'm a vegetarian- but I wasn't always.

I'm teetotal - for the last 2 years.

I don't smoke - never, ever, ever.

So for 2 out of 3, at least I know what I'm not missing. It's up to each individual to make their own mind up. At least she tried.

daisy mae said...

the only bonus to having been a vegan/vegetarian, and then waiting tables, is that it's much easier to help other vegans/vegetarians/people with food allergies decide what's "ok" to order from the menu.

Manuel said...

b: there are none......

toast said...

For shame Manuel, for shame.

If Ian MacKaye had met Manuel the world would have been a much poorer place

That said the gobby 'passionate' veggies are the one most likely to be found munching on some pork - the real ones are too listless to be passionate about anything

raptureponies said...

i'm suspicious of vegetarians.

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