Wednesday, 3 September 2008

Operation Red Curry Paste.......


Ladies and gentlemen, we got him!

Not in a fox hole in Iraq but rather wandering aimlessly around a Tesco's supermarket. Yes today I, Manuel T. Waiter, managed to find the missing chef whilst trying to find a decent red curry paste. There he was wandering around the supermarket surprisingly clean shaven but with piss holes for eyes. He tried to duck behind the buy one get one free Fox's Mints display when he saw me but being the size of a small shit house that really wasn't going to work. Plus I was hide-n-seek champion three years in a row. I was rubbish at hiding due to an inability to stop laughing but my seeking skills were never in doubt.

His two chums walked on but I had him cornered, no escape.

"Alrighty big fella! What's your story then?"

"We have party. Beeeeeg party!" He's Polish by the way.

" All weekend?" I asked with a huge slice of skepticism.

"It was very very beeeeeg party." The way his hands were shaking there was no doubting it had been a very beeeeeg party. He had the delirium tremours and then some, all Jazz Hands and jittery face. Undoubtably large quantities of vodka had been consumed just like they do in the old country.

"So you going back to work or what?"

He shrugged his shoulders and said, "Aaaaaahhhhhh maybe I go back tomorrow."

"You're in the shit big fella. You dropped them right in the poo at the weekend."

He shrugged his shoulders. Good defense that, shoulder shrugging. Let me tell you there are a couple of chefs who, when they come face to face with him, will be expecting more than shoulder shrugging.

"Yes I know this but the party went a bit bad."

"Eh?"

"Men came. Men with hairy faces eh you know what I mean."

"No, I have no idea what you mean. Men with beards? What are you on about?" I had a vision of a bus load of hirsute men gatecrashing his party.

"You know.....the men with hairy faces....hairy faces and baseball sticks."

"Hairy faces? D'uh! You mean wooly faces."

"Yes wooly faces. Yes many men with wool faces. They came and beat up the house and then hit my friend up his face."

The men with wooly faces are community activists paramilitaries. The wooly faces bit comes from there fondness for wearing balaclavas. Although mostly they dispense with such things these days as they pretty much carry out their work with impunity. They take a dim view towards parties that don't involve themselves even if they sold the drugs that made the party so "beeeeeg". They wrecked the house, putting and end to the party and suggested that the occupants find alternative accommodation.

"Jesus. It must have been some party."

"Yes it was very beeeeeg party." He laughed but furnished me with no further details. If he is still employed by the time I get back to work I will push him further.

"There was fighting and my friend got hurt. Now we must find new house to live in." He was surprisingly upbeat about the whole thing. I'd have been a wet mess in the corner of a darkened room somewhere. Somewhere far away at that.

His chums were keen to get on and they beckoned him to get moving. And off he toddled. I guess worrying about your job comes second to worry about the ability to walk, the men with wooly faces have a penchant for knee breaking, and finding somewhere to live.

Still, at least I found him. Never found any decent red curry paste. Story of my life really, find a chef lose a paste.

23 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

Medbh said...

Wooly faces!
Love that.
At least he knows what's at stake.

Do you want a chef with the DTS handing cutlery?
Scary thought.

Manuel said...

medbh: he's still be better than some of them, hangover or not....

belfastyouthworker said...

Since when did paramilitaries gatecrash Polish house parties? And to think he could have simply called in sick with a stomach bug!

Manuel said...

byw: all the bloody time......it was in a north antrim town....he could have, he probably should have but he didn't and I got a story out of it...

Sniffle&Cry said...

Torn between “they haven’t gone away you know” and that sepia toned solution presented down here that we had a Hollywood ending to a 30 year affair. Naive in the extreme I know, but I like naive, I like delusion, I like RTE and BBC and happy endings.
Stereotypical chefs are wonderful creatures, passionate and creative, and sullen and sorry too.
And stereotypical Sunday lunches (from your last posting), well there’s a Hollywood creation too. I wouldn’t go a restaurant with my gang, couldn’t afford it or the misery of the tension and containment.
Hopefully this week’s crowd are more communicative. Great stuff Manual.

Manuel said...

sniffle&Cry: Kids eat free init.....the fucking bane of my life..as for stereotypical chefs...it's a stereotype cos it's true.....

Sarge Wooly Face said...

We know where you live matey! Yer knees are mine!

redleeroy said...

manuel, you could head down to his place with a 'wooly face' and threaten him to come back to work. He would definitely turn up. And early too.

sheepworrier said...

Ah those little paramilitary scamps, what will they come up with next, eh? Still, at least they're out in the fresh air and not cooped up infront of the tv.

Conan Drumm said...

Any chance Baklava will make it onto the menu now?

toast said...

Was artur boruc at this beeeg party it would explain a lot

Manuel said...

swf: aye yer ma......

redleeroy: christ no.......he's probably ready for them now...

sheepo: and I suppose old habits, and party goers, die hard.....

conan: no none no chance......thanks for asking though.....I have tried Polish food and I do not like it......

toast: bwahahahaha boruc, with all his woes he needs to stay away from house parties in the Larne/ballyclare area.....in fact we all need to stay away from such social events in the larne/ballyclare area.....

jen said...

Nothing like being caught out on a faked sickie.

Although his excuse is better than any I've ever heard.

Manuel said...

jen: it's the best I've heard in al while and he'll get away with it too......

dave said...

Manuel, you just need to stay away from Larne/Ballyclare full stop.
The only reason to go to Larne is to get the boat out of the place.
It's a beeeeg sheeeethole.

Manuel said...

Dave: no question Dave......sage and worldly advice

boy_wonder said...

By bin I obviously meant Tesco's. Honest.

Arthur C Boyle said...

In a supermarket? Well I never. It's elementary my dear Manuel.

Maxi Cane said...

Men with hairy faces - the summers biggest blockbuster.

I worked at a party like that once, it went on for 60 straight hours, I was nearly tempted to become a man with a hairy face by the end of it myself.

Anonymous Boxer said...

that's scary schnizz.

I love the attitude about whether or not he still has a job. I'd be in a total panic and ..... oh, would probably come up with armed robbers to explain why I shouldn't be fired.

Matter of fact, I may have used that at one time in my youth.

OneForTheRoad said...

Ah fair go.

I mean, I love beating up Polish fellas as much as the next guy, but ruining a perfectly good party?!

Bad form...

Manuel said...

boy_wonder: ha! failed....

arthur c boyle: welcome. elementary indeed....

maxi: I have a phone number if you ever need it.....

boxer: turns out he didn't go back to work again so his excuse is now moot.....he's a goner......

oftr: wrecked the stereo n all....oh and one guy ended up with a bust face.....

fgeegf said...

成人電影,情色,本土自拍, 情色聊天室, 寄情築園小遊戲, AV女優,成人電影,情色,本土自拍, A片下載, 日本A片, 麗的色遊戲, 色色網, ,嘟嘟情人色網, 色情網站, 成人網站, 正妹牆, 正妹百人斬, aio,伊莉, 伊莉討論區, 成人遊戲, 成人影城,
ut聊天室, 免費A片, AV女優, 美女視訊, 情色交友, 免費AV, 色情網站, 辣妹視訊, 美女交友, 色情影片 成人影片, 成人網站, A片,H漫, 18成人, 成人圖片, 成人漫畫, 情色網,
美女交友, 嘟嘟成人網, 成人貼圖, 成人電影, A片, 豆豆聊天室, 聊天室, UT聊天室, 尋夢園聊天室, 男同志聊天室, UT男同志聊天室, 聊天室尋夢園, 080聊天室, 080苗栗人聊天室, 6K聊天室, 女同志聊天室, 小高聊天室, 情色論壇, 色情網站, 成人網站, 成人論壇, 免費A片, 上班族聊天室, 成人聊天室, 成人小說, 微風成人區, 色美媚部落格, 成人文章, 成人圖片區, 免費成人影片, 成人論壇,
日本A片, 愛情公寓, 情色, 舊情人, 情色貼圖, 情色文學, 情色交友, 色情聊天室, 色情小說, 一葉情貼圖片區, 情色小說, 色情, 色情遊戲, 情色視訊, 情色電影, aio交友愛情館, 色情a片, 一夜情, 辣妹視訊, 視訊聊天室, 免費視訊聊天, 免費視訊, 視訊, 視訊美女, 美女視訊, 視訊交友, 視訊聊天, 免費視訊聊天室, 情人視訊網影音視訊聊天室, 視訊交友90739, 成人影片, 成人交友, 本土自拍, 免費A片下載, 性愛,
成人交友, 嘟嘟成人網, 成人電影, 成人, 成人貼圖, 成人小說, 成人文章, 成人圖片區, 免費成人影片, 成人遊戲, 微風成人, 愛情公寓, 情色, 情色貼圖, 情色文學, 做愛, 色情聊天室, 色情小說, 一葉情貼圖片區, 情色小說, 色情, 寄情築園小遊戲, 色情遊戲情色視訊, 情色電影, aio交友愛情館, 言情小說, 愛情小說, 色情A片, 情色論壇, 色情影片, 視訊聊天室, 免費視訊聊天, 免費視訊, 視訊美女, 視訊交友, 視訊聊天, 免費視訊聊天室, a片下載, aV, av片, A漫, av dvd, av成人網, 聊天室, 成人論壇, 本土自拍, 自拍, A片,成人電影,情色,本土自拍,