Subscribe...

Sunday 18 May 2008

Bleurgh.....

Bleurgh, bleurgh, bleurgh.

It's been a terrible weekend.

Or rather I've been terrible.
as big as your face...

If I was a race horse they would have put me down by now. If I was a dog they would have taken me to a far off beach and left me there. There I would have been sat with big sad weeping eyes knowing that my time was over and soon they'd replace me with a fresh new puppy that doesn't forget to order steaks and knows who has to order next.

I don't know what it was but I just couldn't get my shit together at all. I was missing orders, calling men "madam", forgetting to clear tables and just not being very good at all. It all started to go tits up on Friday. Or as it will now be forever known as, "The Day My Crown Slipped". Slipped and got bent and stood on, ending up in the bin.

My first table was a 16 top, computer boffins and fairly regular customers too. I missed one guys soup from the first course. No biggie, soup takes a moment to collect from the kitchen. I was annoyed though. But still I didn't take a moment to check the order to ensure that I had rang it up right. So it wasn't really a surprise when only 15 mains came down and one poor keyboard warrior ended up with nothing in front of him but a sorry looking waiter.

Of course his steak was well done and would take a good ten minutes to be cooked despite three heavy pans on top of it. By the time it was cooked it was the size of a plate and as thin as communion wafer (but more substantial, obviously) The head chef was cool about it but his underlings took great pleasure for the rest of the evening reminding me about my mistakes. I had no comeback but as sure as shit on your shoe I'll get them back one by one.

Time for sweets. I was determined to get at least on course right. Wasn't to be though. I over ordered and ended up with two chocolate fondants over. The other wait staff were looking at me they way concerned children look at their parents when they realise they probably have Alzheimer's, half concern half pity. As I stood there eating the evidence of my mistakes I wondered what was wrong with me.

No matter what is going on in my life or how I am feeling the moment I go out on the floor I can normally pull on a new face and be Manuel, the waiter. I own the floor, it's mine. But this weekend I owned nothing more than my shoes. And they have holes in them.

If it had just been one table on one night I would have just laughed it off but I was at it again tonight. I referred to a very manly looking man as a woman. I forgot to clear a 5 tops starters. At one point I found myself babbling at a table about how nice the German Riesling was despite the fact that they had already made it clear they wanted shiraz. I should have just put on a badge that read, "I'm Special" (In an Olympic sort of way) and gone for the sympathy vote...

The Glorious Leader picked up on it too. He joked that I would be getting just two tables next Saturday. At least I think it was a joke. The worst was still to come. I had a woman complain that her T-Bone steak didn't have enough meat on it. Now this was bullshit of the worst kind. Our T-Bones are the size of your face, not Celine Dion's obviously, but they are damn big. Now normally I would tackle this with gusto. I'm never one to back out of an argument especially when it's an obvious empty net of an argument. But I just couldn't, I couldn't fight back! I got the manager instead. It's a rum day when I cant give it to old duffers. You know what I mean....

I nearly wept!

The fuck is wrong with me?!

I'm putting it down to a lethargy brought on by tiredness caused by the bothersome builders next door who seem to work only when I am trying to sleep. I need to pull it together quick sharp like as I have a full restaurant for dinner tomorrow. All of which are going to see The Osmonds. A restaurant full of Osmonds' fans (what's the collective noun for a group of Osmonds' fans? A Family? A Cuntage?) is a scary proposition for the best of waiters but it's hell on earth for one that isn't right at their game.




Back tomorrow...

...if I survive.

17 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

Anonymous said...

Don't worry. You're just pregnant.

Unknown said...

If it makes you feel any better, I just discovered your blog this weekend and think your a great storyteller.So, if the waiting thing doesn't work out.......
just kidding, great blog!

Manuel said...

bbb: actually my pregnant co-worker was nailing it left right and centre......made all sorts of money.....

isabella: welcome! Thanks......I think I'll just keep buying lottery tickets.....

Megan McGurk said...

OMG, she went through the window!
Horror show!

Manuel, don't be so hard on yourself. Everyone has their off nights. My sympathies for the room full of Osmond fans which awaits you.
Those fuckers are sure to be cheap.

Manuel said...

medbh: The video is awful.....you have to admire how she tried to keep the tray of glasses from hitting the deck........only to fall through a window......eek....

samcrea said...

Manuel,

I find that if you forget an order, it will happen two more times, and for some reason it will be the same customer each time. I wonder if its something subconscious?? But I seem to do it to the nicest of people..

SAm Lunatic Barman..

The Mistress said...

Try to hang in there 'til National Waiters Day!

Jenny said...

there, there, we're all allowed a bad day. Or three.

Have a drinkee and put it behind you.

Anonymous said...

Dont worry, Manuelle. Everyone has their off days/weekends/months/years.


However, just incase, I'm pretty sure Morrisons is recruiting right now.


You'll get better.

Anonymous said...

Sorry big man. Fake video.

http://www.cracked.com/article_15849_videos-you-didnt-know-were-staged-how-they-did-it.html

No.5

Karen said...

Wait til the day you forget to pick your kids up from school or drive off before they are properly in the car leaving them running along behind half in and half out......that would be my world Manuel.

You'll be right again before you know it. Every saint's halo slips from time to time and yes, even the king occasionally has to adjust his crown.

Anonymous said...

I blame the builders!. Go and shit on the building site when no ones around, you'll sleep sounder after that and have restored some balance to the world.

Blondefabulous said...

Oh Manuel, you poor soul! This calls for a bottle or two of a good vintage. Everyone has an off day/weekend.

Blame the builders. I say stash some questionable pharmaceuticals in the build site, and call in an annonymous tip while the blighters are working! Heh heh.

savannah said...

do what i do, sugar...shake it off, toss your curls (like scarlett o'hara) and proudly proclaim "tamara is anutha da-ah" (that would be 'tomorrow is another day' for non-southerners)

xoxox
(you still rock, sugar, never fear!)

Manuel said...

sam: that is so so true......

mj: not sure i deserve it this year....

boxer: less drinkies and more coffee I think......

yoyo: never!!!! and lose the "e"

kingy: welcome and thank you......was sent it by the same person that fooled me a week or two ago with something else......she's dead now......

gypsy: I got my game again......

anonymous: I blame the builders too.....funny no builders today and I've been great......

blondie: tea.....I'm sticking to tea.....

savannah: hahahahaha and it was anutha day too.......

Mudflapgypsy said...

Full moon tomorrow.
I felt it yesterday.
Don't feel it today, hopefully Sunday was it and I don't feel it tomorrow.

Anonymous said...

成人電影,情色,本土自拍, 情色聊天室, 寄情築園小遊戲, AV女優,成人電影,情色,本土自拍, A片下載, 日本A片, 麗的色遊戲, 色色網, ,嘟嘟情人色網, 色情網站, 成人網站, 正妹牆, 正妹百人斬, aio,伊莉, 伊莉討論區, 成人遊戲, 成人影城,
ut聊天室, 免費A片, AV女優, 美女視訊, 情色交友, 免費AV, 色情網站, 辣妹視訊, 美女交友, 色情影片 成人影片, 成人網站, A片,H漫, 18成人, 成人圖片, 成人漫畫, 情色網,
美女交友, 嘟嘟成人網, 成人貼圖, 成人電影, A片, 豆豆聊天室, 聊天室, UT聊天室, 尋夢園聊天室, 男同志聊天室, UT男同志聊天室, 聊天室尋夢園, 080聊天室, 080苗栗人聊天室, 6K聊天室, 女同志聊天室, 小高聊天室, 情色論壇, 色情網站, 成人網站, 成人論壇, 免費A片, 上班族聊天室, 成人聊天室, 成人小說, 微風成人區, 色美媚部落格, 成人文章, 成人圖片區, 免費成人影片, 成人論壇,
日本A片, 愛情公寓, 情色, 舊情人, 情色貼圖, 情色文學, 情色交友, 色情聊天室, 色情小說, 一葉情貼圖片區, 情色小說, 色情, 色情遊戲, 情色視訊, 情色電影, aio交友愛情館, 色情a片, 一夜情, 辣妹視訊, 視訊聊天室, 免費視訊聊天, 免費視訊, 視訊, 視訊美女, 美女視訊, 視訊交友, 視訊聊天, 免費視訊聊天室, 情人視訊網影音視訊聊天室, 視訊交友90739, 成人影片, 成人交友, 本土自拍, 免費A片下載, 性愛,
成人交友, 嘟嘟成人網, 成人電影, 成人, 成人貼圖, 成人小說, 成人文章, 成人圖片區, 免費成人影片, 成人遊戲, 微風成人, 愛情公寓, 情色, 情色貼圖, 情色文學, 做愛, 色情聊天室, 色情小說, 一葉情貼圖片區, 情色小說, 色情, 寄情築園小遊戲, 色情遊戲情色視訊, 情色電影, aio交友愛情館, 言情小說, 愛情小說, 色情A片, 情色論壇, 色情影片, 視訊聊天室, 免費視訊聊天, 免費視訊, 視訊美女, 視訊交友, 視訊聊天, 免費視訊聊天室, a片下載, aV, av片, A漫, av dvd, av成人網, 聊天室, 成人論壇, 本土自拍, 自拍, A片,成人電影,情色,本土自拍,