Monday, 21 April 2008

Laugh?

It's been a funny old weekend....

....well I laughed.
laugh you fuckers
these are my best lines!


"Hello have you any reservations? asked the young man looking for a table for two.

"Well yes sir mainly about the ability of the restaurant trade to sustain the current level of growth given the credit crunch." I replied

"Eh, there's two of us" said the bemused man.

"Yeah this way...."


"Hello can I help you madam?" I asked the lost looking woman who was marching her way through the restaurant.

"I'm just looking for someone" she replied as she tried to look past me.

"Aren't we all madam aren't we all."

She didn't get it at first but as she wandered past me she looked back and laughed. I chose to assume it was with me and not at me.


"So you guys must be Italian then?!" I asked the very obviously German tourists.

I like to make them laugh a bit before engaging them in conversation. In that respect I may have failed as there was stunned silence and puzzled looks. The lead chap seemed to get it and explained, in German, the complexity(?) of my opening remark.

"Ah dis is humour no?"

Apparently not.

"Your humour makes us smiles."

I wasn't sure it did and I backed away without engaging them any further. But to give them credit they did say "Ciao" as they left. They looked really pleased with themselves.

I'll be appearing live all week, whether the guests like it or not.........

31 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

Medbh said...

"Your humour makes us smiles."

Brilliant.

You had good lines as well, Manuel.

Manuel said...

medbh: I love yoda speak.....

bendersbetterbrother said...

Far too perky for working on a Sunday. Just for me can you do an experiment where you lay off the fags for 24 hrs and tell me what your openers are then?

I've a feeling they'd be even funnier.

Manuel said...

bbb:"WHAT? WHAT THE FUCK YOU WANT?" and so on....and if I could go off them for 24 hours then I would go off them forever......

witchypoo said...

Crazier than a bag of hammers.

Manuel said...

witchypoo: who? me or them?

daisyfae said...

The delayed response is best - must be perfectly timed, as yours were, however. You don't want folks going home, waking up at 2 am and laughing their asses off at a joke you made at 9 pm... well, maybe you do... i thought the 'reservations' line was pretty brilliant!

MJ said...

I'm here to heckle you.

Anonymous Boxer said...

next stop; Vegas, Baby.

ellie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ellie said...

You're German tourists reminded me of this clip:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1k7U-_tJVmw

TV gold (sorry can't get the link to work)

sheepworrier said...

Comedy night in the Empire is calling you, manuel... you may even reach the dizzying heights of The Panel!

Old Knudsen said...

Bob Monkhoose called, he said you never paid him for those jokes.

Manuel said...

daisyfae: I like the idea of them getting the joke after they leave.......

mj: quiet at the back.......

boxer: send my ticket now......

ellie: Ah Basil, my real hero......

sheepo: is that a threat..?

old k: take me wife.......no, really take her......boom boom (basil brush)

sheepworrier said...

Yes, yes it is.

Will I just out you as Colin Murphy now, or wait till later? Oh...

Dave said...

Boring fact: in southern Germania, younger folk do actually say "Ciao" (instead of "Tschuess") when saying goodbye.

Blondefabulous said...

Last Comic Standing will be holding auditions in your area soon.....

Manuel said...

sheepo: he wishes......actually he's a bit of a grumpy get....then again ....

dave: no one likes a know-it-all.....

blondie: i'll pass....

Dave said...

manuel: I know.

Manuel said...

dave: boom boom....

lorraine@italianfoodies said...

did the free comedy earn any extra tips to be taxed?:)

OneForTheJokes said...

"my wife told me she wanted to go somewhere she'd never been before, so I said 'how about the kitchen' "

badum tish.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the laugh!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the laugh!

Manuel said...

lorraine: as always......or maybe it was in spite of.....

oftj: ah the 70's.......ah bad time for comedy......

Manuel said...

anonymous: so good you said it twice......

K8 the Gr8 said...

Yes I feel the need for comedic warmups in my taxying job too.
It's not our fault that most of the people out there don't appreciate dark humour.

What you want is the 'step on the rake' technique. That appeals to everyone.

Manuel said...

k8: one of your lot nearly killed me on sunday! Thought he was Lewis Hamilton.....tipped him though.....we must chat about your taxi jobby.....lot of similarities......

weare138 said...

Germans in parts of Germany actually say 'Tschau' as a legit 'farewell', but yours were probably just being cute. =)

Manuel said...

weare138: they were.....and they were jolly chuffed about it......those crazy Germans.....

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