Saturday, 9 February 2008

The world is full of shitty people

and you know it...

After Thursday's trip to London with the big people it was good to be back in the trenches again. And boy was I knee deep in filth tonight. Human filth. Not actual shit I should say but people who were really very shitty. If Saturday was as close as it gets to waiting perfection then Friday night was as close as it gets to being fisted by a elephant with your clothes on. That is to say it wasn't a very pleasant evening.

I had a group of 20 graphic designers who were no problem at all. They tried it on a bit at when they arrived with a bit of musical chairs and table restructuring but I nipped that in the bud quick sharpish. Maybe the right angles were too straight for them! But they were not tonight's problem. Neither was the uber sweet table of 5 out to celebrate mother's 60th birthday. I mean these people were the epitome of Hallmarkedness. You could have knocked up a quick watercolour and sent it to them for next year's collection. Granny had a little tear in her eye as she read her cards and grandad looked all proud and patriarchal, but not in a bad way.

No, these people were great guests. As was the table of 11 super geeks, probably some companies I.T. department. They were ctrl-alt-great. See what I did there.

Tonight's shit is the sugar, the crap in the coffee, the botulism on the beef was a rather unremarkable table of 3 older women. They didn't radiate sweetness and light like the birthday girl's table they weren't witty like my graphic designers nor was their conversation snappy and well educated like the boys from the geek department. And that was fine. Not every table can be Oscar Wilde.

They had arrived shortly after 6 and need a table for 3. They hadn't booked but we had one table that was free for just under 2 hours. We offered them it and told them that we needed it back before 8 as we had a table reserved on it at 8pm. They were delighted. They also wanted to use a discount card that we take. We had to say no as they hadn't booked their table in advance. This is something we have to be strict about especially when we are busy. This was explained and the lady stuffed it back in her bag.

The meal went fine. Unremarkable but fine. The Original P was serving them and had reported no problems. Waiters tend to give each other a running commentary of what their tables are up to through the night. It was about 5 past 8 when P Chops approached me with a look of worry and fright and asked me if I knew what was going on with the Original P's table. I knew nothing but not being one who likes to be out of the loop I went round to her table to put myself right into the loop again.

The Original P wasn't there. No she was out beside the bin in tears. Through the snot and the tears I could make out the words,

"Get them out.....get them out.......get them out PLEASE!"

My heckles were raised, my blood was boiling, and I had moved from Manuel Waiter to Manuel Righter of Wrongs.

FUCK THAT.

Off I stormed. The three women were finally getting their bags together to leave. I scooped the money off the table and asked them, in my quiet but stern voice, what had gone on. Why was my work colleague in tears, what had happened?

"She's a bitch!"

"Aye a bitch!"

"Excuse me madam, that's my friend you are talking about please don't call her a bitch.. She is in tears outside."

"Well I'm glad she's in tears. What about us?"

It turns out that they had tried to use their discount card again and again were told that it wasn't valid. They were also told that they need to move to the bar area as had been agreed. They figured that by throwing a hissy fit and stamping their feet they would get their way.

WRONG

And off they stomped. And again one of them said that they were glad The Original P was in tears. This was just unbelievable. In twenty years of service I have seen many waiters reduced to tears by customers but I have never seen a customer who's goal it was to make the waiter cry. I have never seen someone, outside of opposing football fans (and who doesn't enjoy watching a big fat Geordie in tears!), rejoice at someone's tears.

Making the waiter cry is just such bullshit. i hope they went home and had a good long look at themselves. I hope the recognise what they did was bullshit. I hope they feel bad. I hope they change a little of themselves as a result. I hope. But I doubt it too.

All this was played out to a busy restaurant. The table that was booked were the three bastards were sitting were standing nearby waiting for their table. It's not what you want your guests to see.

The Original P seemed to get over it quicker than I did. That sort of incident sticks with me for days. I will ruminate and mull it over in my mind for the rest of the weekend. In every other respect tonight was a success. The food was great, the service was better. There was alot to be happy about. But not me this will piss me off for days. I just can't believe people can be so fucking cruel.

And they didn't tip, funnily enough. Cunts.......

(ah it's good to be back!)

If like me you need something to take the pain away I suggest, no, I urge you to check out TOAST'S photos of Ireland......

23 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

Enda P said...

Honest to Christ - and may I be candid - how the fuck do you stand it?

Sam, Problemchildbride said...

The temptation to stab these creeps one by one in the eye with a fork must have been overwhelming, Manuel. I think the pressure inside my ehad form such outrageous behaviour would have caused my hair to grow about 3 sudden inches.

Well done on not leaving your bootprint on their arses.

Old Knudsen said...

This post was aimed at me wasn't it? (everything is about me) I'm sorry for making you cry ya big wussy gurls blouse now go get me a plate of chips and a bottle of brown sass.

Anonymous Boxer said...

unbelievable. Not that Old K was able to actually get a table at your restaurant, but that people truly don't care about others - especially those that FEED US. Tonight, at my local hangout I actually said as I was seated, "thank youuuuu for feeding us." And I meant it. And I tipped. BIG.

Fuckers.

toast said...

Awful civil of ye manuel, glad you like them - sounds like a bollox of a night. Just downloaded ex-arab strap front man Aidan Moffats album -his mumbling scottish sweariness gets me out of a bad mood.

ellie said...

Evil witches, I hope they feel ashamed but they won't they will just tell their friend's about the "bad service" at Chez Manuel. Fuckers!

Anonymous said...

Hoors.-sic-

nursemyra said...

ctrl-alt-great....

fuckin' genius manuel

Manuel said...

enda: things like that are rare....i smoke a lot too...which helps...

Sam: I wanted to to talk to them and find out what was going on in their heads....I also wanted to kick them up and down the stairs.....

old k: do you have any sisters?

Boxer: that's the thing boxer some people see us as nothing more than servants.....come the revolution.....

Toast: I'll try some of that then......

Ellie: they wont feel ashamed at all.....you are so right

Anonymous: correct

nursemyra: yes, yes it is........

Gypsy said...

Well bless your little cotton socks for caring about the server those old crones upset. You should have all got together and gang tackled them as soon as they stepped out of the premises and made those old bitches wail like banshees. God that felt good to get that off my chest.

Well done you for giving them short shrift.

Manuel said...

gypsy: I'd rather have given them shortness of breath

Nick said...

It's sick that people are happy to see other people cry and don't give a toss. And I doubt if they'll see the error of their ways later, as you say. They'll probably be regaling everyone with the outrage of the invalid discount card and of course the crying waitress will somehow slip their mind.

Quern of Clion said...

Do you have cctv Manny?

If you do, find their photos and put them up behind the bar/service desk with 'DO NOT SERVE THESE PEOPLE' in red lettering....you'll damage their reputation quicker than they'll damage yours.

daisyfae said...

problem with crones like that? they can't learn... they are oblivious... they still have no idea what they did that could have possibly been wrong.

unfortunately, you can't fix stupid.

MJ said...

Were they the three witches from Macbeth?

"Fillet of a fenny snake,
In the cauldron boil and bake"

English Mum said...

Bloody menopausal old bitches. May their flushes be hot and their night sweats be cold. May they grow hairs on their chins and boils on their arses. OOh. I think I'd make quite a good witch...

fatmammycat said...

Once again Manuel, you make me so happy I don't deal with the public on a regular basis. I'd need to be sedated to put up with that kind of crap. ANd even then I'm sure I"d go for the eyes.

Medbh said...

It would almost be worth getting fired to tell those deliberately cruel bitches to fuck off. So you'll put someone in tears to save a bit of money? Back to them 10-fold.

Bock the Robber said...

I suppose you couldn't send them a voucher for a free meal and then poison the fuckers with a heavy metal that would kill them slowly over many agonising years in a high-security nursing home?

upset waitress said...

I hope those old douche bags get run over by a bus.

Manuel said...

nick: that is exactly it..they will tell their friends how badly they were treated and whatever else happened will be forgotten......

Queenie: Hahahahaha ....no cctv within the body of the restaurant itself.......grrrr

daisyfae: so true....

Mj: crikey.....how educated....

English mum: hahahahahaha brilliant

FMC: you don't fancy a swap then?

medbh: I was thinking the exact same thing......in a very small way it would have been worth it....

bock: oh evil man evil.....I'll use though

Upset: two buses.....!

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JPWarlick said...

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