Friday, 30 November 2007

Not so Rosie Cheeks anymore - An Obituary

This picture was actually painted by Warhol when Rosie was a young woman

It is with very deep regret and upset that I must announce the death of fellow blogger Rosie Cheeks (58) who blogged at The Spanish Exposition. Rosie was a vivacious but somewhat cynical writer. She would spent most of her time blogging about her constant battle with the manager of her local Supermac's fast food restaurant where she was a daily customer. Everyday she would arrive into the fast food joint with her 8 kids in tow. Her problems with the manager, Keith (22), stemmed from her insistence that she and her kids get preferential treatment as they used the store 3 times a day, 4 at the weekend. She wrote nasty, personal attacks on Keith, the last being, "Keith from Supermac's enjoys granny porn." This was of course completely untrue. When asked how he felt about Ms Cheeks death Keith replied, "Dead? Really? Can I see the body? That's fucking great. Do you wanna bacon burger and coleslaw chip? It's on me."

Rosie described herself as being a "cynical romantic" on her blogger profile. And this was indeed true. She took a new lover the way most of us take breakfast. But she never settled down with any of them. She left a string of broken hearts in her wake, and at it. She settled instead for the company of a troupe of Scandinavian Hip Hop artists who she let live in her house in exchange for doing odd jobs and performing once a week for the amusement of her and her kids. A performance that the rappers began to hate giving. "They would make us do hip hop versions of things like The Fields of Athenry and Jimmy Cracked Corn. It was humiliating schnizzle" said MC Sven. "Yeah but we will miss her, suppose we have to find somewhere else to live now, damn it."

Rosie didn't work. She maintained her lifestyle through the maintenance provided by the many father's to her 8 children. Rosie always made sure to choose men with gold cards and at least a BMW 4 series. She also supplemented this income with her own mail order business selling bars of chocolate and sweets no longer available in shops. She had the largest stock of Marathon bars and Opal Fruits in Europe. This business took a knock when Cadburys reintroduced the Wispa into the market. She was very upset by this the Wispa had been her top seller. She reacted very badly and tried to blockade Cadbury's local distribution centre. She chained herself and her kids to the gates of the factory but the protest fell apart when little Rosie Junior(14) remembered that it was two for one on curry chips at Supermacs. The family loved their curry chips.

Rosie fell out with her family back in 87, a rift that was never healed. This was in part due to her affair with Simon Climie from the popular pop duo of the times Climie Fisher. The family had always been Duran Duran fans and had travelled together all over Europe to see them in concert. Rosie though refused to go preferring the soul inspired easy pop of Climie Fisher. This was typical Rosie, always one to do her own thing. Mr Fisher was unavailable for comment. Her extended family said they wouldn't be attending either as there was a Duran Duran marathon on VH1.

Rosie will be missed by all who knew her, well not all, but by a lot of people. She is survived by her 8 children, Posie (36), Mosie (32), Josie (30), Sosie (19), Rosie Jr (14), Simon (12), Kosie (10), and Hosie (8). And by 3 dogs, 2 fish, and a donkey named Charlie. And by a Scandinavian Hip Hop Crew called MC Sven & the Anderson's. Service is outside Supermacs on O'Connell Street, followed by coke and burgers inside with a performance by MC Sven and the Anderson's.

Obviously all this is made up, with the exception of Rosie's age (26? pffft) and affair with Simon Climie. Okay that's made up to. So who will write my obituary...........?

11 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

Old Knudsen said...

In life Manuel thought he was daddy cool always on about tips and chasing the Dragon but now hes dead and will be missed by..................

Old Knudsen will miss him as the bastard owes him 5 quid.

MJ said...

Pay Old K what you owe him so he'll write the rest of your obit, would ya?

Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

*Holding your skull*

Alas! Poor Manuel, I knew him Old Knudsen. A fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent Primark trousers.

Dennis said...

Hilarious, Manuel! My favorite line is: "She left a string of broken hearts in her wake, and at it."

Let's see...the end of your obit might read something like this:

"At 35-years-old, Manuel was the eldest member of the restaurant staff, and though he was well liked and respected by his peers, they often commented about his quirky nature.

"When a wedding party visited the restaurant, for example, Manuel was frequently heard soothing his much younger female co-workers with, 'Don't worry, honey, I'm sure you will be next.'

"'That's okay, though,' said long-time waitress Andi O'Meara. 'Anytime a funeral party came in, we said the same thing to Manuel.

"'At least WE were right.'

"Reportedly, Manuel is survived by many empty tables."

(Rest in) Peace,

- Dennis
www.donttipthewaiter.blogspot.com

Rosie said...

a flattering tribute, my skivvy friend.

one good turn deserves another:

http://spanishexposition.blogspot.com/2007/11/gone-but-not-forgotten.html

bendersbetterbrother said...

Fuck me, what's happened the commenting settings?
Can't comments be made by non Blogger types now?

Dennis said...

This post is made up? Oh....

Anonymous said...

Never mind the obituary Manuel, I'll do the tea and sandwiches, I learned from the master!!!

Medbh said...

It's a bit early for morbidity.
I don't like to think about obituaries ahead of time.
Superstitious? Perhaps.

Anonymous Boxer said...

For what blog? You're up to about 6 now, yes?

fgeegf said...

成人電影,情色,本土自拍, 情色聊天室, 寄情築園小遊戲, AV女優,成人電影,情色,本土自拍, A片下載, 日本A片, 麗的色遊戲, 色色網, ,嘟嘟情人色網, 色情網站, 成人網站, 正妹牆, 正妹百人斬, aio,伊莉, 伊莉討論區, 成人遊戲, 成人影城,
ut聊天室, 免費A片, AV女優, 美女視訊, 情色交友, 免費AV, 色情網站, 辣妹視訊, 美女交友, 色情影片 成人影片, 成人網站, A片,H漫, 18成人, 成人圖片, 成人漫畫, 情色網,
美女交友, 嘟嘟成人網, 成人貼圖, 成人電影, A片, 豆豆聊天室, 聊天室, UT聊天室, 尋夢園聊天室, 男同志聊天室, UT男同志聊天室, 聊天室尋夢園, 080聊天室, 080苗栗人聊天室, 6K聊天室, 女同志聊天室, 小高聊天室, 情色論壇, 色情網站, 成人網站, 成人論壇, 免費A片, 上班族聊天室, 成人聊天室, 成人小說, 微風成人區, 色美媚部落格, 成人文章, 成人圖片區, 免費成人影片, 成人論壇,
日本A片, 愛情公寓, 情色, 舊情人, 情色貼圖, 情色文學, 情色交友, 色情聊天室, 色情小說, 一葉情貼圖片區, 情色小說, 色情, 色情遊戲, 情色視訊, 情色電影, aio交友愛情館, 色情a片, 一夜情, 辣妹視訊, 視訊聊天室, 免費視訊聊天, 免費視訊, 視訊, 視訊美女, 美女視訊, 視訊交友, 視訊聊天, 免費視訊聊天室, 情人視訊網影音視訊聊天室, 視訊交友90739, 成人影片, 成人交友, 本土自拍, 免費A片下載, 性愛,
成人交友, 嘟嘟成人網, 成人電影, 成人, 成人貼圖, 成人小說, 成人文章, 成人圖片區, 免費成人影片, 成人遊戲, 微風成人, 愛情公寓, 情色, 情色貼圖, 情色文學, 做愛, 色情聊天室, 色情小說, 一葉情貼圖片區, 情色小說, 色情, 寄情築園小遊戲, 色情遊戲情色視訊, 情色電影, aio交友愛情館, 言情小說, 愛情小說, 色情A片, 情色論壇, 色情影片, 視訊聊天室, 免費視訊聊天, 免費視訊, 視訊美女, 視訊交友, 視訊聊天, 免費視訊聊天室, a片下載, aV, av片, A漫, av dvd, av成人網, 聊天室, 成人論壇, 本土自拍, 自拍, A片,成人電影,情色,本土自拍,