Fake tan versus tanning salons and other conversations

if that's the case I'l have a Pimms please...

I miss the company of men. There I've said it. Huh that feels good. I know I have said on more than a few occasions that I don't want another chap working on the floor in the restaurant but sometimes, just sometimes, I wouldn't mind having another bloke about the place. It's the conversations you see, they are getting me down. Last Thursday was particularly bad. The conversation ranged from, and I'm not making this up, babies, hair cuts, fake tan versus tanning salons, shampoo, some awful TV show (I think involving doctors or models or something like that), and ponies. Okay I made the pony thing up but I'm sure if customers hadn't arrived they would have got round to them.

Now don't get me wrong I enjoy working with the ladies, I really do. But I miss the conversations that only men have. The women I work with care not for The Mighty Boosh, or Dave TV, or how good Ronaldo's free kick was on Tuesday night. For example I might start a conversation with, "Did anyone see Curb your Enthusiasm last night?" But my co-workers will hear, "Did anyone see BLAH BLAH BLAH last night?" and instead start talking about the new guy working in the coffee shop up the road. WHAT? Somebody's friend is having a baby and we get day by day accounts of all the mothers movements. In detail. With nothing left out. I cant cope with that. I swear I am growing a uterus. I need to talk about football, and playstation and comics, and Family Guy and stuff. Just stuff. Random stuff the way men do. It's all nonsense I know, and someone's friend having a baby is so much more important but I need something just something to make me feel male.

I'm not a manly man by any stretch of the imagination. I know nothing about cars and fighting and most sports outside of football are a genuine mystery to me. What is the point of golf? But I could do with a male dynamic every so often. For fuck sake one of the women got their hair cut the other day and I noticed! Not only did I notice but I knew what had been done and said, "It looks so fabulous! It really suits you." WHAT THE SWEET HOLY FUCK WAS THAT ALL ABOUT!?! If this continues I can see myself saying things like, "Oh I saw this really lovely blouse the other day that would really bring out the colour in your eyes ooooohhhhhh."

And then there is the issue of attractive ladies in the restaurant. I can't go up to the rest and say, "Did you see the hottie on table four?" And if I do all I get back are things like, "Her roots are showing." or "That dress is from Primark." (Which I now know is a dig) or "What would LMM say if she knew you were looking at the hottie on table four?" She wouldn't say anything she would hit me! They make me feel like a lecherous creep, which I'm not! Honest! But but but ah fuck you know what I mean.......

I'm off to watch more 30 Rock (which my mate assures me is a woman's show up there with Ugly Betty. I'l watch some late night sports to balance it out)