Tuesday, 27 November 2007

Carnival folk and seven year olds scare me

they have very special stuff at the continental market....

Is there something in the air at the moment or is the world just full of tossers. Seriously what is it with people? On Saturday I got, "What else do you do....?" The inference being that waiting tables isn't a fitting job for a chap of my age or whatever the hell he was getting at. Sunday's cheeky bastard question du jour was,

Lazy ass mother, "Excuse me, will you cut my son's meat up for him?"

Manuel: "Excuse me?"

Lazy ass mother: "He needs it cut, his beef, can you cut it up for him? Give the man your knife and fork."

Little Lord Lazy Ass: "Here man, you cut it."

Manuel: "No, no I wont be cutting your meat little man. You'll have to do that yourself or ask your mum."

And with that I walked off shaking my head. I wanted to storm back and get him to ask me again.

Little Lord Lazy Ass: "Here man, you cut it."

Manuel: "Cut your meat? Me? Cut YOUR meat? C'mere here til I tell you something you little maggot I wont be cutting your meat, spoon feeding you peas, or mashing your potatoes. You have two very useful looking hands of your own and you must be what about 11 or something?"

Little Lord Lazy ass: "Seven, I'm seven." he would reply with his top lip all a quiver and tears welling in his eyes.

Manuel: "Seven? Listen here mister seven see if you lived in Africa that piece of meat would be all you would have to eat for a month. Now take your big seven year old hands and use them to cut your own meat. Because see if you don't I'm gonna take that piece of meat and post it to another seven year old boy in Africa. Can't cut your own meat? Grow up you little shite......Oh and if you still decide you cant be mithered to cut your own food get yer ma til do it for you. She looks like she could do with taking a break from shoveling food into her pie hole. Eh?"

But I didn't, obviously.......one day though, one day....

The couple at the next table witnessed the scene and couldn't keep from laughing. I laughed later on once the shock had died down. I'm all for helping the customer. I like to think I would go out of my way to help them. No reasonable request is refused. But when it comes to lazy kids who cant be bothered to cut their own meat I'm sorry but I have to draw a line somewhere. Actually scrub that, I'm not sorry at all. Catch a bloody grip. If your kid needs help with his food that's your job not mine. Honestly the freaking cheek. What will Wednesday bring, "Here mate will ya shake that for me?"

My sister and I went for a walk around the Continental Market in the grounds of the city hall. Again the chosen continent is Europe, just like it was last time. They should rotate it like the world cup or the Olympics. Some of the food is great, the wild boar burgers, the bratwurst sausages, the olives, and the fudge. Some of the food is awful, Dutch Pancakes (?), some of the dried sausages look pornographic, and that's a compliment. The beer is said to be good, I wouldn't know. Most of the rest of the stuff is just that, stuff. And it's stuff you can live without, leather belts, ornamental roses (as opposed to action roses), stuffed and creepy looking dolls. It seems to me they have found all the stall holders from the markets you visited on holiday and forced them into the grounds of city hall. I didn't get my name on a grain of rice in Madrid and I ain't doing it here.

There is something of the night about the stall holders that work at the continental market. They remind me of the butcher in The League of Gentlemen, Hilary Bliss. There is something not quite right about their meat too. I like the market all the same. It brightens up the city and makes us all feel educated and interesting because we had some Belgian Burgers for lunch. But I'm hoping that South America gets it next time......

My wine course finishes today, not with a lovely "educated" booze up but with an exam. More questions I could live without. I haven't had to face the perils of an exam in years. The last time I had to do an exam I was using a quill and parchment. The things I get myself into. Class last week was a regular snooze along too. I fear I may have missed vital information. The class know it all was in sparkling form though, and if truth be told he was keeping me awake. His constant prattle and "Sir, sir I know I know!!" kept me from closing my eyes. It's been getting harder and harder not to laugh out loud every time he opens his mouth. Never a problem with Adam Sandler. He was gibbering on about Madeira and desserts and other crap no one cared about. The class bore that is not Adam Sandler, although he is a first class bore.

Shite, I had better go and do some revising. Now where is my waiters friend......(does opening a bottle count as revision?)

33 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

angela said...

manuel!! good luck on your exam! you'll ace it i'm sure.

Manuel said...

I'm not so sure......very lazy person, very very actually....

ellie said...

Poor Manuel! You didn't have to go far to find a wab after all!

Doncha just hate kids who have never been taught to eat properly? Burger King and KFC don't require the use of cutlery. Instead of giving every pregnant woman free prescrptions give them a free kitchen table, that's what the kids today are lost for, a table to eat at and to learn vital social skills like cutting up their fucking meat!

Ok ok ... I'm calm now. Sorry. I'm leaving.

ellie said...

Oh yeah ... Good luck with the exam x

Anonymous Boxer said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous Boxer said...

Wow, I wonder what that boy does when he has to urinate.....

Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

"ornamental roses (as opposed to action roses)"

You do know that they often use tulips as stunt doubles for the action roses and ornamental roses have all had stem jobs, don't you?

Gimme a lovely daisy, that's what I say. And then the policeman takes me away.

Adam Sandler was in our bar the night before Thanksgiving, apparently. I missed him of course. I was home peeling tatties and ripping the innards out of a turkey for the following day's gorge-fest. My life is impossibly glamourous.

Best luck on the exam! Just write some toss about full-bodies and aftertastes reminiscent of cucumber shavings on a hot African plain.

MJ said...

When I clicked on your blog and saw that picture, I thought master butcher Fred Elliot had arisen from the dead.

Conortje said...

Nothing wrong with Dutch pancakes mister :-) I miss The League of Gentlemen (pisses all over Little Britain). Hope the exam went well.

Mudflapgypsy said...

Hilary Briss....he's named that for a reason you know!

It's all to do with his "special stuff".

Exam, eh? I have broken out in a cold sweat so you don't have to.
-shudders-

toast said...

i too am a fan of th dutch pancakes - its about the only thing i can eat at these markets, but mostly i am in the gluwein tent getting hammered. Word of warning tho - if there is a duth doughnut stall, stay well well clear - jebus its fried food that would scare a glaswegian.

Manuel, if i ever make it to your fine establishment i am going to insist you feed me by doing 'the aeroplane' with the fork - its like coke in glass bottles - it just tastes better.

sheepworrier said...

Heh @ toast.

Will you burp me as well Manuel?

Dennis said...

"...I wont be cutting your meat, spoon feeding you peas, or mashing your potatoes."

And you call THEM lazy? Geez....

Hey, it would've really been funny if, when the pampered young lad said, "My meat...what about my meat?" you kept telling him to, "Beat it!"

I mean, he is about that age.

Peace,

- Dennis
www.donttipthewaiter.blogspot.com

Manuel said...

ellie: It appears Wabs are easy to find! Ha but I like your idea.......that's quality. Thanks btw.....

Chummy? that you chummy? don't be shy...

Boxer: Oh that's be me too no doubt....

Sam: Please tell me Sandler did something inappropriate? please make it up if you want....Thanks

MJ: He's still dead, I say he's still dead. Wow you would swear he was in the room....

Conortje: Never liked Little Britain or that awful Catherine Tate woman either....or Dutch Pancakes....

Muddy: EXPLAIN DAMN YOU!!

Toast: Bwahahahaha here comes the choo choo

Sheepo: aye and change you man nappy too

Dennis: Bwahahahaha....and all the while mom never stopped eating, well it was more hoovering than eating.

sheepworrier said...

Manuel: erm... thanks, i think.

Manuel said...

oh now you go all coy.......

Medbh said...

I bet that boy is also too lazy to wipe his own ass.
Ick.
Good luck on your exam. You know you will ace it, Manuel.

Rosie Cheeks said...

i'm intrigued as to what a wime exam would entail. in my head it'd be like the pepsi vs. coke test... (can you tell red from white, corked from non, champagne from cava, rosé from beer, etc.)

but then, i am very refined.

Rosie Cheeks said...

i meant wine exam, obviously.

i have the DTs.

Manuel said...

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
I have just watched 6 episodes of 30rock when I should have been revising. Also I think I may have grown a uterus....I'm screwed

MJ said...

You've grown a uterus?

If you start cramping, I have some tablets I can send you.

dave said...

Hey dude, good luck with the test.
Is it still multiple choice?

Ask me one. Bet I can still get the answer wrong.

Upset Waitress said...

Wine courses, booorrring. Now a beer course would be neato mosquito.

What a lazy mother. "Excuse me, will you cut my son's meat up for him?"..... Should I chew it for you too? Kid probably still wears diapers, too lazy to shit out of his pants.

Pat said...

People are gone fiece unpolite and lazy.

Working with customers - a simple "thank you" is rare.


Simple manners seem out the window.

How can you effectively combat customer laziness?

gimme a minute said...

Mithered? Catch a grip?

Did you do a line of Nordy before you wrote this post?

Good luck with the exam.

Manuel said...

Medbh: I'm not so sure I did but thanks.....

ROSIE: Dt's eh......to much wine I'd say.....wow I do know something

MJ: Thanks, I'll bare that in mind.....

Dave: Yup multiple choice. But I cant remember the questions, hell I could hardly remember the answers......

Upseto: The kid was one problem but the mom just pissed me right off......wouldn't have happened in my day.....

Pat: Beat them....beat them good.....

Gimme: Mithered is actually a Manc expression.....Thanks though.....

Mudflapgypsy said...

Manny, you mean you haven't watched all the episodes?

I could call you a shmuck but I won't !
That is another clue, by the way....

Go look up jewish customs...you'll learn soon enough.

Oi vey.

heh.

Manuel said...

lost, so very lost......

Mudflapgypsy said...

Briss - the Jewish rite of circumcision performed on a male child on the eighth day of his life.

Guess what the special stuff is.

Do you get it now?

Jesus, jokes are never the same when ya have to explain them, sheesh.

Rosie said...

anyway, didya pass?

Manuel said...

MUDDY: eewwwwwww........I'm sending this info to the oracle (cousin) he knows everything about tv stuff......

Rosie: 2 to 4 weeks for result......nightmare

Mudflapgypsy said...

You can't handle the truth.......

fgeegf said...

成人電影,情色,本土自拍, 情色聊天室, 寄情築園小遊戲, AV女優,成人電影,情色,本土自拍, A片下載, 日本A片, 麗的色遊戲, 色色網, ,嘟嘟情人色網, 色情網站, 成人網站, 正妹牆, 正妹百人斬, aio,伊莉, 伊莉討論區, 成人遊戲, 成人影城,
ut聊天室, 免費A片, AV女優, 美女視訊, 情色交友, 免費AV, 色情網站, 辣妹視訊, 美女交友, 色情影片 成人影片, 成人網站, A片,H漫, 18成人, 成人圖片, 成人漫畫, 情色網,
美女交友, 嘟嘟成人網, 成人貼圖, 成人電影, A片, 豆豆聊天室, 聊天室, UT聊天室, 尋夢園聊天室, 男同志聊天室, UT男同志聊天室, 聊天室尋夢園, 080聊天室, 080苗栗人聊天室, 6K聊天室, 女同志聊天室, 小高聊天室, 情色論壇, 色情網站, 成人網站, 成人論壇, 免費A片, 上班族聊天室, 成人聊天室, 成人小說, 微風成人區, 色美媚部落格, 成人文章, 成人圖片區, 免費成人影片, 成人論壇,
日本A片, 愛情公寓, 情色, 舊情人, 情色貼圖, 情色文學, 情色交友, 色情聊天室, 色情小說, 一葉情貼圖片區, 情色小說, 色情, 色情遊戲, 情色視訊, 情色電影, aio交友愛情館, 色情a片, 一夜情, 辣妹視訊, 視訊聊天室, 免費視訊聊天, 免費視訊, 視訊, 視訊美女, 美女視訊, 視訊交友, 視訊聊天, 免費視訊聊天室, 情人視訊網影音視訊聊天室, 視訊交友90739, 成人影片, 成人交友, 本土自拍, 免費A片下載, 性愛,
成人交友, 嘟嘟成人網, 成人電影, 成人, 成人貼圖, 成人小說, 成人文章, 成人圖片區, 免費成人影片, 成人遊戲, 微風成人, 愛情公寓, 情色, 情色貼圖, 情色文學, 做愛, 色情聊天室, 色情小說, 一葉情貼圖片區, 情色小說, 色情, 寄情築園小遊戲, 色情遊戲情色視訊, 情色電影, aio交友愛情館, 言情小說, 愛情小說, 色情A片, 情色論壇, 色情影片, 視訊聊天室, 免費視訊聊天, 免費視訊, 視訊美女, 視訊交友, 視訊聊天, 免費視訊聊天室, a片下載, aV, av片, A漫, av dvd, av成人網, 聊天室, 成人論壇, 本土自拍, 自拍, A片,成人電影,情色,本土自拍,