Wednesday, 5 September 2007

What's he building in there?

Manuel is busy,
busy doing man things...


Spent two bloody hours yesterday chasing up deposits for Christmas bookings. It's going to be a busy one. Oh sweet Jesus it's gonna be tough. The bookings are coming in quicker than my fat stubby fingers can cope with. I asked the Glorious Leader for a secretary, he told me to quit whining and get on with it.

People come up with some tremendous excuses for not having their deposits in on time, "I was on my way when I got side tracked in town and then I ran into a friend who I hadn't seen in ages and we ended up going for a drink and that was Thursday and I wasn't in town on Friday as I don't work Friday's as I'm on a job share with Maggie she works on a Friday not me so that's why I didn't get down last week." Said the far too jolly by half secretary who didn't appear to breathe as she spoke to me. To which I replied in my driest most monotone voice, "Yeah, so will you be bringing it this week then?"

Then you get the panicky apologists, "Oh my God, I'm so so sorry. I can't believe I forgot about that. Are we going to lose our table? I'm so sorry. You must think I'm awful. I really am so sorry...." You can hear them searching round their desks for the cash or a stress ball or the Prozac/Valium. I like them panicky. You know they are going to arrive on time and have all their cash sorted in advance and be good little customers. And that's what I need, good little customers who do what they are told.

Christmas isn't about the quality service and all that, it's about as close as you can get to working in a factory without actually having to. It's also about surviving. Christmas past is full of the weak and the dead who never made it past the first weekend. I promised myself no tears, they weren't strong enough to cope with 5 sittings, I don't need to feel bad. You can expect to hear more and more about Christmas over the next few months. It becomes all embracing from now on in. New girl 1 asked the Princess and I what all the fuss was about Christmas and why were we always talking about it. She was quick to understand the brevity of the 4 weeks of December when we simply replied "Cash, lots and lots of cash." Young un's they catch on quick.

Anyway I'm up to my neck in it this week with Christmas stuff and the top secret "Operation NOT ENOUGH HOURS IN THE DAY FOR THIS CRAP BUT I'M GONNA DO IT ANYWAY." More on that to follow. Posting may be light for a day or so, it might not be either, who can possibly say? Oh and if you haven't booked your office's Christmas party yet, get it done soon or it will be Pizza Hut's all you can eat buffet. MMMMMM festive.

I leave you with the Tom Wait's classic "What's he building in there?" or if you prefer, the live version.

25 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

Medbh said...

I'm a total "bah hum bug" type but the season does make most folks more generous. I can't even believe that it's alreadt September so I just cannot think of the end of the year yet. May the Yule Tide flood your pockets with cash, Manuel.

Old Knudsen said...

The love of money is the root to all evil, I hope for the sake of yer soul no one tips you.........Its for yer own good.

Manuel said...

Medbh: pockets, apron, buckets and wheelbarrows....

Manuel said...

Old K: I'll be round to haunt your tight Scottish ass you McScroogey old get...

Anonymous Boxer said...

You had me at "two bloody hours."

But seriously, can't I just get through Halloween, world?

Conortje said...

Christmas? Hello it's only just September. If it wasn't for the Waits quote you'd have set me into a horrible mood.

gimme a minute said...

You got enough formaldehyde to choke a horse on your wine list?

sheepworrier said...

C'mon now Manuel, thats just not fair. Why would you go an mention the most hated of holidays already?
Im gettin cold sweats just thinking about the family dinner...

Manuel said...

Anonymous boxer: I took my first proper Christmas booking on Easter Monday. It's all fucked up....

Conortje: I'm here to bring joy and happiness into peoples lives...

Gimme: Can be arranged

Sheepo: Tis the season to be jolly fa la la la la la la la

Manuel said...

la (missed one)

sheepworrier said...

Do yous get many bookings for Xmas day Manuel?

Manuel said...

Sheepo; We had better fucking not, we don't open.....Worked it once when I was a lad. I was on double time, £5.00 an hour. It really was Christmas.....

Conan Drumm said...

So is it two tons of T&H for the masses followed by pud with brandy butter or do yiz eschew all the "festive" fare?

Manuel said...

Conan Drumm: Hell no! You don't fuck with the classics. Turkey, beef, salmon, chicken, veggie option. The chef decided not to serve sprouts one year. There was a riot on the first weekend....

sheepworrier said...

"The chef decided not to serve sprouts one year"

well, at least the restaurant wulda smelled better.
only started liking xmas sprouts again over the past few years - painful memories of gettin them force-fed to me as a child...

Manuel said...

Sheepo: Childline.....

Conan Drumm said...

Argh, you put that horrid brusselsprout taste in my mouth... [spits loudly!]

Manuel said...

Conan Drum: Mulled wine and cranberry take it away?

Manuel said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
sheepworrier said...

Make them wear a condom next time then Conan.

*da dum tish*

(Sorry, culdnt resist it)

bendersbetterbrother said...

Dealing with hordes of drunken office revellers, I salute you Manuel. Deserve every gold bar you get.

Manuel said...

Sheepo:should have tried though, you should have tried

BBB: Yes, yes I do....

EmmaK said...

Oh god manuel, I feel for you. There is nothing on God's earth worse than office christmas parties in the local restaurant...everyone pretending they like each other, someone invariably vomiting, someone invariably making a speech that means they will be fired when they get to work the next day. I think you really do need to be on Prozac to get through the christmas season.

Manuel said...

Ems: It's the best and it's the worst time of the year to work. I especially look forward to the crier. There is always a crier at every table.....Other peoples pain, brilliant...

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