Wednesday, 29 August 2007

You can reach me, go on give it a try

Go ahead tardy
make Manuel's day...

[There is more swearing again today. I'm sorry...]

"You can reach me by rail way
You can reach me by trail way
You can reach me on an airplane
You can reach me with your mind

You can reach me by caravan
Across the desert like a Arab man
I dont care how you get here
Just get here if you can

You can reach me by sail boat
Find a tree swing rope to rope
Take a sled and sly down slope
Into these arms of mine

You can jump on a speed boat
Across the border in a blazer role
I dont care how you get here
Just get here if you can

There are hills and mountains between us
Always something to get over
If I had my way surely youd be closer
I need you closer

There are hills and mountains between us
Always something to get over
If I had my way surely youd be closer
I need you closer

You can win something to my like
Take me up on a carpet ride
You can make it in a big balloon
But you better get here soon

You can reach me by caravan
Across the desert like a Arab man
I dont care how you get here
Just get here if you can

I need you right here right now
I need you here by my side
I dont care how you get here
Just get here if you can"
(Anita Baker- You can reach me)

And if you can't get here just bloody phone me. To embarrassed to talk to me? Leave a message. Hell, email me. Send a text message. There are a myriad of ways you can get a message to me, this is the age of communication after all.

JUST DON'T NOT SHOW UP YOU FUCKING FUCK FUCKS.

I hold grudges like mothers hold babies, that is to say very close and forever. I keep a list you know, of repeat offenders. You don't want to be on that list in my little black diary of miscreants and tardy bastards. You cant ever be erased, there is no way back into my heart. Abandon me once shame on you, abandon me twice shame on me, abandon me 3 times and you're on the list and forever. Even bad tippers can win my affection again, but no-show-ers and the repeatedly late are scorned for eternity.

Here are the reasons why I'm so chuffing angry today...

Friday
  1. Table x 5 at 8.15pm, no show
  2. Table x 6 at 9pm, no show
  3. Table x 4 at 7pm, no show
Saturday
  1. Table x 20(twenty for fuck sake, on a Saturday night!) at 8pm, no show
Sunday
  1. Private party booking for 40 people at 8pm, no show
Tuesday, and this is the one that hurts the most
  1. Table x 45 French Pensioners at 1pm, NO FU-CK-ING SHOW, J'espère que vous êtes heureux vous les merdes françaises sales!
All tables were confirmed, all tables told me they would be here, that they were looking forward to being here. Lying, good for nothing, rude bastards...

I'm off work on Wednesday, which is a very good thing. Any more of this sort of nonsense and you will be watching me live on BBC NEWS 24 taking pot shots at passers by from the roof of the restaurant. Oh and thanks to those who voted, and if you haven't yet get a move on...

27 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

angela said...

chop their heads off.

with plastic cutlery.

Manuel said...

Yes, yes I may just do that, hack hack hack...

Medbh said...

OMG! Maybe your restaurant needs to take a deposit for larger parties? It's one thing if a 4-top doesn't show but for 20 or more? Disaster! Oh, my panties would be in a bunch for sure, Manuel. They are excommunicated from the place and are blacklisted 4 evah.
So sorry.

Anonymous Boxer said...

and this is exactly why we're allowed to have guns in our country.....

Manuel said...

Medbh: We never usually have these sort of problems. Yeah sure we loose a table or two over the week but the last few days have been ridiculous. We only take deposits at Christmas. Expect more on that very soon. This week has been a bollix already and it's only Wednesday!

Manuel said...

Anonymous Boxer: What a wonderful place that must be...

savannah said...

OMG! a party for 20? and they didnt show? when i booked the resto for the rehearsal dinner, they asked for a deposit (50%) we had 23 people...in fact, i don't know of any place that doesn't ask for a deposit with a group that large....

*hugs* hoping that wednesday is a great day off for you, sugar!

James UK said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
James UK said...

Deposits mate, via credit or debit card on the phone. I've read that it cuts no shows by 90% or so.

Oh, and thinking of Dirty Harry", just remember... if things are getting on top of you, sing!;

The Killer (waiter): [slaps the customer] "Stupid customer! Come on sing everyone! Sing or I'll go home and kill all your mommies!, sing!, SING!"

"Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream...."

Conortje said...

That is really appalling. Did you ring them to find out what happened?

Twenty Major said...

Question - if you get a booking for 40 etc does the restaurant base its supplies on that?

e.g - order more steaks, fish, veg or is the stuff in stock anyway?

fatmammycat said...

Outrageous carry on. I'd agree with the deposits idea, especially for large groups.

sheepworrier said...

Feck it, just take the rest of the week off Manuel - get a wee backrub from LMM, have a nice bottle of wine, maybe go for a walk down Shaws Bridge - then when you are perfectly relaxed and calm, track the b*stards down and get all Kaizer Soze on their ass. Kill their families, their pets, people they owed money to etc etc. I think the jury wuld agree it was justifyable homicide.

Nonny said...

For such large bookings a deposit is fairly standard, maybe confirm the booking again that day. The poor little pensioners probably forgot. Maybe their the French Pensioners Alzheimer’s society.

Manuel said...

Savannah: We work on the honour system and it's never really been a problem...

Jamesuk: Re deposits see above.The Killer (waiter) obviously...

Conortje: I had one particular table on redial every 5 minutes. The fucker turned his phone off in the end! What a pleb...

Twenty Major: Yes it does. I have 45 portions of Traditional Ham Cabbage and Champ for sale if you are interested? It's not normally a problem but when it is a special request like the one from yesterday then it is a problem. It's the staffing issue that's the biggest pain. People get called in early or put on extra shifts, so when some cunt no shows then people days/nights have been ruined.

FMC: See above by 2

Sheepo: Kaizer Soze my ass, what a pussy. Electric collars ala Battle Royale, now you're talking...

Manuel said...

Nonny: We don't do it, except at Christmas. The French table was a regular booking that was confirmed by fax 24 hours earlier. All tables are confirmed with 24 hours to go and if needed on the day.They get 15 grace to show up, then they get a phone call then they get scrubbed, then then get written into the book of certain shame...

Nonny said...

Manuel do you make a note of no shows and when they try and make a future bookings, you tell them to jog on??

Manuel said...

Nonny: Yes I do, and I do it with joy in my heart. I've only had to do it the once. But I'm sure the smarter ones book again with different names. So I scan the phone numbers too....

sheepworrier said...

"Electric collars ala Battle Royale, now you're talking..."

Heh - just let them loose outside Larne and see what happens. I want it televised if it does go ahead...

Manuel said...

Sheepo: God yes, me 2

Nonny said...

Manuel you bousy, i like it, i like it a lot.

Manuel said...

yes I probably am...

The customer is always right said...

So they are, and you would do well to remember that.

OneForTheRoad said...

Maybe it's the same person making all the bookings and cancelling them all as a joke.

You know with different-a acca-cents.

Old Knudsen said...

Oh I booked a table for last week but I couldn't be arsed turning up, are we good now?

Manuel said...

the customer blah blah blah: no, no they aren't.

OFTR: Considered that and a negative review in the paper. But not to be. Just a bunch of coincidence...

Old K: Oh you're on the list all ready...

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