Where have all the heroes gone?
another proud winner of the yellow jersey...
Seriously what is going on the world? Anyone who is even thinking of having a child at the moment should be shaken until they agree that it is a stupid idea. There are no heroes any more. There is no one left for our children to look up to and be inspired by. And if you think I am overstating the point lets just have a look at the news over the last week or so.
Astronauts
Friday brought us the news that Astronauts enjoy an alcoholic beverage or two. Nowt wrong in that but not when they are due to fly a plane costing $1.7 billion. What the fuck? As a lad of just 16 I crashed my BMX on the way home from the bar. I was loaded on cider and whiskey. I nearly got smashed all over the road when I inevitably crashed. I have never even contemplated doing it again. I was 16, drunk on cider and whiskey and overcome with teenage hormones. I was not a highly educated Astronaut at the peak of my mental and physical condition. I had an excuse! I also didn't have hundreds if not thousands of people ensuring I didn't get on my bike as drunk as an Astronaut. I had my mates telling me "Aye you'll be sweet wah...."
Spaced....
If Astronauts aren't racing across the country in nappies to chase down their love rivals they are going to work hammered. I can still remember seeing the first Space Shuttle blasting off. I was in awe and wonder at it. If I am being honest I still am. For the human race to escape the bonds of gravity and be able to leave Earth is just amazing and gives us hope of finding other life out there in the Galaxy. It is testament to humanity's ability and skill. These people were heroes to me. I read Moondust : In Search of the Men Who Fell to Earth which interviewed some of those who have been to the moon. It was inspiring and gave me hope for humanity. These men were real trailblazers, modern day pilgrims. Now... now Astronauts are just drunk assholes. I'll never be able to hear a countdown again without thinking they are doing Tequila slammers in the cockpit.
Sports
Sports
Before the news of the drunk Astronauts there was the never ending shamefest that is the Tour De France. It is testament to how far humanity has fallen. The premise of the race is simple, get on your bike and race to the end. Pit your mental and physical strength against yourself and your opponents. Test yourself against the mountains of the Rhone Alps and against the torture that it must be. OR get some dodgy doctor to inject a load of "clean" blood and steroids into your system and you can cheat your way to fame and more importantly loads of lovely cash.
I can remember as a child watching the Tour with my cousins. We would cheer on our own Stephen Roche and Sean Kelly and pretend to be them on our bikes as we would chase each other about on the narrow little farm roads around Grandad's farm. Such a sweet and wholesome image. But we also used to play a game called EmerDallasFarm. Which was a cross between Emmerdale Farm and Dallas. It was a borderline incestuous and social workers should have been called. But less of that for the time being. Who do you cheer now, the rider or the doctor who administers the dodgy drugs? What a bunch of cunts. As are the cheats who spy and get away with it. As are the cheats who attempt to destroy the records of true heroes. As are the thieving owners who don't give a fuck about the fans. It's all so corrupt and depressing.
In a time when Rock Stars are more influential than politicians and the politicians are doing more drugs than Rock Stars it's not easy working out who to trust anymore. I miss the old certainties of yesteryear. The Rock stars were drunk and off their tiny minds on drugs. Sports stars shagged Miss Worlds and saved the drugs until after the game. It rained in the winter and was sunny in summer. Politicians kissed babies not hookers. And then there is the Church. A place of refuge, a source of solace when all around you was crumbling apart. Not anymore. Those days of innocence are well and truly over. If they aren't fiddling with the alter boys they are dipping into the organ fund to pay for their secret family.
So there are no heroes anymore. We have to figure it all out for ourselves. We have to be inspired by those close to us, by parents and siblings. By the finds we make ourselves, whether it be a moment of mental clarity or a stunning view we never knew existed. Or by Snoopy...
...Snoopy is my hero now. Snoopy has never let me down, ever. Woodstock was a bit of a dick but you cant have everything.
Fuck the Astronauts, idiots.
God like....
I can remember as a child watching the Tour with my cousins. We would cheer on our own Stephen Roche and Sean Kelly and pretend to be them on our bikes as we would chase each other about on the narrow little farm roads around Grandad's farm. Such a sweet and wholesome image. But we also used to play a game called EmerDallasFarm. Which was a cross between Emmerdale Farm and Dallas. It was a borderline incestuous and social workers should have been called. But less of that for the time being. Who do you cheer now, the rider or the doctor who administers the dodgy drugs? What a bunch of cunts. As are the cheats who spy and get away with it. As are the cheats who attempt to destroy the records of true heroes. As are the thieving owners who don't give a fuck about the fans. It's all so corrupt and depressing.
In a time when Rock Stars are more influential than politicians and the politicians are doing more drugs than Rock Stars it's not easy working out who to trust anymore. I miss the old certainties of yesteryear. The Rock stars were drunk and off their tiny minds on drugs. Sports stars shagged Miss Worlds and saved the drugs until after the game. It rained in the winter and was sunny in summer. Politicians kissed babies not hookers. And then there is the Church. A place of refuge, a source of solace when all around you was crumbling apart. Not anymore. Those days of innocence are well and truly over. If they aren't fiddling with the alter boys they are dipping into the organ fund to pay for their secret family.
So there are no heroes anymore. We have to figure it all out for ourselves. We have to be inspired by those close to us, by parents and siblings. By the finds we make ourselves, whether it be a moment of mental clarity or a stunning view we never knew existed. Or by Snoopy...
...Snoopy is my hero now. Snoopy has never let me down, ever. Woodstock was a bit of a dick but you cant have everything.
Fuck the Astronauts, idiots.
God like....
7 People trying to get Manuel's attention:
"I'll never be able to hear a countdown again without thinking they are doing Tequila slammers in the cockpit."
Yes, I think NASA needs to tell us a lot more about what, exactly, was happening when their O-rings got blown.
Poor Manuel, sounding so depressed. There are still some heroes around. What about John Smeaton, who's an average guy who acted with great courage? The real heroes are the men and women who act for the common good despite what may happen to them.
If I was an astronut I would DEMAND that NASA get me shit faced before they strapped me into that contraption. Imagine sitting on top of millions of gallons of aviation petrol waiting for someone to light the fuse. "..three...two...one...(close eyes and push button)....(open one eye)....(sigh of relief)...lift off, we have lift off".
What is the whole point of NASA and the Russian Space Station?
Since America put a man on the moon nothing else has been achieved. But then again, what was the point of putting a man on the moon?
Fat Sparrow: a whole lot of cover up to follow if you ask me...
Medbh: mmmmmmmm not sure Smeato is my sort of hero.
Ironbed: God yeah me too. I'd wanna be off my tits before they sent me up. But then again I ain't an Astronaut.
Snoopy.... the only toy I have from my childhood is a stuffed Snoopy about a foot tall. He has never let me down either!
Ellie: No one has a stuffed cyclist!
despite the fact that some big names went down in flames in this year's Tour, i wouldn't write it off as a total shamefest. and i think contador, evans and leipheimer put in some pretty heroic performances.
i miss sean kelly. i miss his monster strength and i miss the marbles he put in his mouth so you couldn't understand a single thing he said. it was marbles, wasnt it??
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