Thursday, 28 June 2007

Are you for real?


Oh you'd like that wouldn't you

United States Patent 5489887
A waiter signalling device comprising a pole having a lower base and an upper tip end, a light source coupled to the tip end, a power source for energising the light source, a switch mechanism connected to the pole and operable in one orientation to energise the light source, thereby generating a signal indicating that service is required, and in another orientation to de-energise the light source, thereby generating a signal indicating that service is not required, and a coupling mechanism for coupling the base end of the pole to a table.

and

United States Patent 6366196
A waiter paging system is provided for use in a restaurant. The system includes a plurality of table transmitters (there being one transmitter at each table) which transmit a "waiter call" signal and a plurality of pager units (there being one pager unit for each waiter). The pager unit notifies the waiter via a vibrator or buzzer that a request has been received and displays the request. In one embodiment, the system includes a central unit which receives the "waiter call" signal from the table transmitter and which effectively relays the "waiter call" signal to the pager units. In a second embodiment, there is no central unit. Rather, the waiter pager units receive the "waiter call" signal directly from the table transmitters. Each pager unit is associated with a set of tables (and hence table transmitters), each set of tables being fewer than all the tables in the restaurant. In either of the two systems, the set of tables with which an individual pager is associated can be selectively altered. In the first (centralised) system, the central unit can be selectively switched between a programming mode and a non-programming mode and includes means for altering the pager/table associations. In the second (non-centralised) system, the pager units are programmable, and can be switched between a programming mode and an operational mode.


Or

And as radical as it might sound you could just catch the waiters eye and say "excuse me". Like I say it's radical but give it a chance.

Are you for fucking real? I assume these were designed by time wasting, dope smoking, geeks in a time before robot wars and Second Life. Now roll a 14 and fuck off, your waiter will be with you shortly...

(or not as the case may be)

18 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

Medbh said...

Holy shit! "selectively altered"? WTF does that mean? That they're going to castrate waiters?
Oh, Manuel, your expertise could never be replicated by a robot. But I can imagine U.S. shite chain restaurants like "Applebees" and "TGI Fridays" incorporating machines to replace humans because they've already replaced real food with microwaved pre-packaged garbage. Blech.

tallulahbloom said...

Robots scare the shit out of me and people who design stuff like that are just weird. Saying that the Boyfriend walked past a bike with an umbrella attached a few days ago and said "I was thinking about inventing one of those" he looked very upset, I ignored him and sniggered for the rest of the walk.

Lord Milky said...

Not quite robits, but have you heard about the restaurant where it's pitch black and they use blind waiters? Almost as good.

How do they get the food to the correct table?

Yeah, the first one was in America - New York. Some French bloke copied the idea and has his own in Paris and London now.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/
tol/news/uk/article525187.ece

Fat Sparrow said...

Ack! Robots! Make it go away!

Back in the cow town where I grew up, there was a BBQ joint that had small plastic steers on the table, and through them was a flagpole with a metal flag. When you wanted service, you just raised the flag. Nice gimmick, but hardly necessary as the service was flawless. You just had to think about reaching your hand to the flag and someone was there, and that was on a Saturday night even, with the band blaring and the lawn packed with people settled in for a two-hour wait.

Damn, I miss that place. I have got to get a car and some money.

ironbed said...

Nobody in there right find would go to a resturaunt and pay to be served by a robot. Next thing you know you will be able to drive up to a food hall and order your grub without leaving the car.......I remember when I lived in Toronto I used to go to a drive in restraunt where you parked your car on the lot and talked into a microphone and minutes later yer grub was brought directly to your car by a waitress on roller skates. She shoved the tray into the car and clicked it onto your open window.

But robots serving food in a bona fide sit-down, tuck-your-bib-in eatery?

Never.

Manuel said...

medbh: waiters are the new castrati!Eek!

tullulahbloom: Men are great, aren't we? So easily upset, like children really!

Lord Milky: Yes, that was a few years ago. Couldn't still be going could it? Try that in Belfast and see where it gets you!

Fat Sparrow: Spit and sawdust too no doubt!

Manuel said...

Ironbed: Over my old dead body...which could be sooner than you think...Feel a bit peaky today

Lee said...

But, whatever you do, don't snap your fingers!

finn said...

you said "coupling." twice.

livesbythewoods said...

So would that mean you'd have to leave tips in batteries, or sim cards, or extra memory chips or what?

Manuel said...

Lee: Manuel don't dance...Well not the Tango

Finn: Pedant...You have to couple the coupling device, obviously...

LBTW: Oil, you have to rub oil into our joints...Actually we like that now too

Enda P said...

The upside of this of course is that you could secret the vibrating device somewhere cosy about your person.

Embrace technology, I say.

Fresh Hell said...

In Guatemala, you can easily hail a waiter, your friend, a whore or a barrage of blows from fists with a simple, "Tssst tssst".

Fresh Hell said...

Actually, that goes for much of Central America.

ellie said...

Call a waiter how rude! I get nervous doing that too! I just wait for them to pass by and mumble in the hope that they know what I want lol ;)

Manuel said...

Enda P: You mean "fully embrace" don't you...?

Fresh hell: I've been tsst tssting for 20 minutes now and still nothing....

ellie: awh bless, I'd like to serve you...

Fresh Hell said...

You left out an s in each of your tssst's. Keep trying. ;)

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