Are you for real?

Oh you'd like that wouldn't you

United States Patent 5489887
A waiter signalling device comprising a pole having a lower base and an upper tip end, a light source coupled to the tip end, a power source for energising the light source, a switch mechanism connected to the pole and operable in one orientation to energise the light source, thereby generating a signal indicating that service is required, and in another orientation to de-energise the light source, thereby generating a signal indicating that service is not required, and a coupling mechanism for coupling the base end of the pole to a table.

and

United States Patent 6366196
A waiter paging system is provided for use in a restaurant. The system includes a plurality of table transmitters (there being one transmitter at each table) which transmit a "waiter call" signal and a plurality of pager units (there being one pager unit for each waiter). The pager unit notifies the waiter via a vibrator or buzzer that a request has been received and displays the request. In one embodiment, the system includes a central unit which receives the "waiter call" signal from the table transmitter and which effectively relays the "waiter call" signal to the pager units. In a second embodiment, there is no central unit. Rather, the waiter pager units receive the "waiter call" signal directly from the table transmitters. Each pager unit is associated with a set of tables (and hence table transmitters), each set of tables being fewer than all the tables in the restaurant. In either of the two systems, the set of tables with which an individual pager is associated can be selectively altered. In the first (centralised) system, the central unit can be selectively switched between a programming mode and a non-programming mode and includes means for altering the pager/table associations. In the second (non-centralised) system, the pager units are programmable, and can be switched between a programming mode and an operational mode.


Or

And as radical as it might sound you could just catch the waiters eye and say "excuse me". Like I say it's radical but give it a chance.

Are you for fucking real? I assume these were designed by time wasting, dope smoking, geeks in a time before robot wars and Second Life. Now roll a 14 and fuck off, your waiter will be with you shortly...

(or not as the case may be)